


Honey and Venom

by FluffKills



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bad Romance - Freeform, Crack, F/F, Play Fighting, Redemption AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-25
Updated: 2016-07-16
Packaged: 2018-05-29 00:13:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 48,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6351175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffKills/pseuds/FluffKills
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The cluster is too large an enemy for animosity between the Crystal Gems and the Homeworld warrior Jasper to last as long as it's present.  But truces are uneasy and the striped fighter finds herself under the observation of Pearl, her tumultuous emotions finding problematic outlets.</p>
<p>☆☆☆☆☆</p>
<p><a href="http://fluffkills.tumblr.com">fluffkills.tumblr.com</a> for art or pre-chapter updates<br/><a href="https://41.media.tumblr.com/609e27b3d2ba8184061678ce80b2ef4b/tumblr_inline_o67ojtU4pw1qhw5xr_540.png">cover art</a> by  <a href="http://bondibee.tumblr.com">Bondibee</a><br/>following #honeyandvenom</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The dancer and the thug

> **_Amor et melle et felle est fecundissimus._ **

 

 

"Again! "

Jasper narrows her eyes and reforms her helmet, breathing heavily. She didn't need to, but it helped her focus.

The wreckage of the sky arena floated far above the confines of Earth, clouds streaming around the broken walls and curling over the flagstone below her feet. The scene was stunning, especially with the missing wall leading to a mile high drop, but that was forcing the fighter to hold off using her spin attack, lest she overshoot.

"I'm waiting..." comes the mocking voice of her opponent, perched on a pillar and silhouetted by the afternoon sun. Jasper doesn't rush in this time, circling like a caged tiger. "Rose taught you well. "

"You haven't even seen the techniques she taught me. You never get far enough. " says Pearl, her eyes following the striped gem cooly. Her look was chilly and arrogant and completely wrong on her face. Jasper could feel a snarl coming to her lips. Everything about Pearl seemed calculated to enrage her. And she knew this wasn't a coincidence.

Pearl had not been her first choice for a sparring partner. In the tentative truce between the rebels and herself in the face of a greater enemy, it was Garnet, the permanent fusion, who first suggested Jasper release some of her aggression that way, and it was Garnet who first took her up to the sky arena, only to show Pearl waiting for her. When Jasper turned to the observing fusion to demand the satisfaction of a fight, she felt pain, then woke up hours later back in the temple when her gem spat her back out.

Never turn your back on Pearl.

The next time, Garnet sat passively and assured Jasper she'd get her rematch after she beat Pearl. Jasper sneered and lasted ten seconds longer. The third time, the warrior took the game far more seriously, managing to break Pearl's swords when she used them to block only to be impaled on her spear.

Garnet didn't bother to attend their matches anymore. That was almost an insult in itself, but the purpose had moved far beyond winning to get to the real opponent. The slender dancer turned renegade was a goal in and of herself, a proper challenge.

Biting back her anger, Jasper smirks. "Maybe I'll get to see what you're actually capable of once we finish off all these human toys you use.." Now it was Pearl's face that flashed with annoyance. Jasper gestures wide with her broad hands, standing tall and giving her cruelest smile.

" You're surprisingly proud of beating me with an armory when all I'm using is my fists, little throne attendant. " Ah, that hit her, Jasper could see the spark in her eyes, the narrowing of her lips. The tiger striped gem moves to the side and darts forward, calculating. She's had time to learn Pearl's routine. Duck, block, weave, push the sword arm up...

Pearl has been learning her too, and this time the blow hits her legs, not at her arms or torso. Jasper falls heavily, her landing causing dust and stone shards to fly, and Pearl is on her, the point of her sword at Jasper's throat.

"You can summon your axe , as easily as I can my spear. Maybe we just both think we're going easy on the other. " Pearl smiles, her tone mocking as her sword point traced a small circle right under Jasper's jaw. " You're a _very_ good actress if this is all for my benefit.

Jasper snarls.

Pearl gracefully steps back and lifts her sword in a salute.

"Again. "


	2. Hawk and girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper tolerates the attentions of the human fusion Steven and his sword woman.

Jasper sat in front of the small screen, her long legs spread to either side of it, trying to be comfortable. Making that difficult was the human Rose and his warrior, who seemed to treat her like a large pet rather than a credible threat. 

Connie was laying on the bed that Jasper was resting her back against and was currently braiding the gem's hair while explaining the video being shown. 

"So, in the books they won't visit the abandoned Citadel until the second novel but for some reason they're introducing it midway through the first plot arch of the Unfamiliar Familiar. I mean, I wasn't one of the people who got angry when they used a hawk for Archimicarus, but..."

The Rose human fusion, Steven, pipes up from where he was sitting between Jasper's legs. "You totally were. We talked about it for an hour on the phone! " 

"ANYWAY, the point is they're mixing up some of the next book here and they cut out the meaningful dream to do it, that's practically criminal! "

Jasper tries to listen, but with all the asides and explanations, it's making the actual story on the screen hard to follow. Connie, the swordbearer, had taken a particular interest in Jasper and spent much of her time when she visited exposing the Homeworld Gem to epic human sagas and doing unusual things with her hair. 

From what Jasper understood, since the new Rose fusion was so tiny, a separate small human acted as one fighting limb while Steven acted as the other. It seemed logical enough, given humans didn't fuse. 

Except for the part with her hair. 

"What are you doing back there? " growled the muscular gem, but the warning seemed to fly entirely over Connie's head, her nimble fingers separating and weaving as she kept half an eye on the mini series adaption of The Spirit Morph Saga books. 

"A French braid, I think you'll like it. In a lot of stories where the main protagonist fights and has long hair, they cut it off BUT! " Jasper is interrupted before she could protest, "but since I know you like your hair maybe you should keep it tied up. It's more sensible in battle. "

Watching the screen, Jasper gestures at the girl who was apparently most important, in spite of her slight size. She appeared to have future vision, like a Sapphire. "Her hair is just pulled back. Anyway, I'm not wearing my hair weird into a fight. It's part of my spin attack. "

Steven gasps, and his face is suddenly inches from hers. "Oh my goodness , you have a spin attack? ! How does it work? Can we see it? "

Rubbing just above her gem, Jasper sighs, closing her eyes. "No. I can't just do it, it's a fighting technique and I need to be energized for it to work. " She sees his blank look. "It's a battle lust thing. "

"The-ere, "says Connie as she takes out a hair elastic with bobbles on it to tie the braid's end. Jasper turns to see her admiring her work. Fussing over her like a pearl, it was insane. She should be more interested in battle techniques, and the fighter has told Connie as much before. Still, she gingerly touches the hair. "Not bad. "

The striped gem was slowly getting used to the lack of privacy and personal space in the cabin. She had yet to be afforded her own part of the temple. While the other two gems she had traveled with had been taken in by the Crystal Gems with minimal difficulty, Jasper knew she was still considered an enemy until proven otherwise. Pearl especially seemed to constantly keep an eye on her, Jasper could feel her gaze following her when she was in the room. It wasn't helped by the company she was choosing to keep. 

The soft sound of the temple portal opening distracts the warrior from the unbearably hacked version of the magical girl with a bird adventures she was expected to follow. Pearl's door irises open and two gems step out. Jasper tenses and turns to face the screen, pretending she hadn't seen. 

Lapis Lazuli was deep in conversation with Pearl. They'd been sharing Pearl's watery room for weeks now, and Jasper was convinced that the rebel gem's particular animosity towards her was being fed by her former fusion partner. 

The separation of the fusion had been difficult, and from what Jasper understood the only reason she wasn't imprisoned in her gem was due to the insistence of the human Rose. Steven's positive attitude was a blessing and a curse. The orange gem had learned to tolerate his affectionate attention, but it did lead to difficulties. 

"Hi Lapis! Hi Pearl! " 

Jasper tenses and can feel her face colouring with saffron and the hair at the back of her nape pricking. Arms crossed, she resolutely glares at the television, feeling their gazes swing to her and the small humans with her, one with her chin on Jasper's shoulder, the other leaning back against the gem's abs without a thought. 

"Steven! " comes the voice of the water gem, harsh with concern, followed by, "Connie! " from Pearl. 

Pearl fusses over, glancing at the group and the tension on the striped gem's face before saying quickly, "What did I say about bothering Jasper! " Breaking her stare from the screen, Jasper glances to see Lapis' dark glare from the lower level. Slowly unfolding herself to the sound of disappointed Steven, the fighter mutters, " I was just leaving. "

There's a rattling thump as Jasper ignores the stairs and lands on the lower level. She barely registers the objections of Pearl on that course of action, and goes to the warp pad. Her skin crawls as it puts her near Lazuli, but she keeps her gaze forward, stepping onto the flat surface and flashing away in a stream of light. 

The first time Jasper used the warp pad, she'd headed to the central warp, the only place she'd known the location of, only to discover absolutely no other working pads. If she'd actually paid attention to Peridot on her trip over, she'd have known that, but she'd have also been much more aware of the possibility of Steven and the gems. The resultant recapture was humiliating. Since then, she'd been taught a few places that none the gems worried about her escaping from, and she picked the nearest one. 

Sitting on the thumb of the temple statue, Jasper fumed at the fact she couldn't be left in peace. Even here, the gem felt discomfort, not from being on earth, but from the proximity to the ocean. Her favourite place had become the sky arena, due to the lack of any need to look at water when she was there. Instead, she looked at the impassive face carved in the cliff. 

A crooked grin crosses her face. Rose really had been the master of battle fusion by the end of the war, hadn't she? Even thousands of years later, the evidence of that was staring her in the eyes, and Jasper had little doubt the statue was life sized. 

Jasper watches the peaceful face as the light grew red, then purple, and finally the stone was a silhouette in darkness. The hand is briefly bathed in white, and then rests empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While Jaspearl is my crack ship, Connie and Jasper has become my crack friendship, based on art from a few tumblrs . They're not exactly friends yet, but I can't leave the potential out of the story. Also, Jasper hairstyles give me life.


	3. Spear maiden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl discovers why Jasper goes unarmed.

It was strange feeling the slight breeze , chilly even in the morning sunlight, on the back of her neck. Jasper shook her head, feeling the weight of the plaited hair, and decided it was acceptable.

The gem certainly wasn't following the advice of a tiny, inexperienced human with an infinitesimally small lifespan and no real battle experience. She just didn't feel like going through the effort of trying to unbraid her thick hair, nothing more, no matter how much certain other gems might think otherwise.

Pearl was grinning at her, though, and no amount of glaring from Jasper was proving effective in stopping that. Back on the ground, in the domain of the temple, Pearl could be nervous or easily harried or cowed. The warrior is certain her intimidation would have been effective enough there.

Perversely, here in the clouds, where they were certainly alone and the delicate gem should have felt more vulnerable, any show of strength or ferocity of temperament from Jasper was shrugged off.

"It suits you, " comments Pearl, her knowing smile aggravating her sparring partner. Jasper touches her hair, self consciously.

"She tangled it too much for me to get it loose. "

"Mmm, yes, I see. "

"I don't even use a spin attack at this altitude! It's not really worth trying to fix it now! "

"Of course, Jasper. "

"Where the _schist_ is your weapon, I don't have all day!"

"Language, " says Pearl, primly. Proper nuisance, thinks the much more rough hewn gem, ignoring the hot feeling on her face. Pearl pulls free a sword, hidden in her gem. "Why don't you use one, yourself? " she asks Jasper, testing the ballance of chosen weapon. The large gem grumbles.

"I don't have a gem light weapon. Mine is just my helmet, like Rose Quartz had her shield. I trained with an axe but I don't have one on me and I don't exactly expect the Crystal Gems to have a collection of quartz sized ones for me. "

Nor, if she was being honest, would she expect her enemies to simply hand her a gem cracking battleaxe. Shrugging, Jasper made a fist and pounded it into her meaty palm. " Have all the weapons I need here, " she notes with a predatory smile.

Pearl pauses in her stretching and there's a look of shock on her face. Her free hand curls against her mouth, and Jasper can see her shoulders tense, her legs turn in. The Homeworld Gem was so used to watching Pearl's movements that it took a moment to register the expression.

The renegade was clearly upset.

" Oh, Jasper, I'm so sorry, " says Pearl, her voice breathless and emotional in a way Jasper had never heard from her before in any context directed at her. "I just assumed... I mean, you're such a powerhouse, I thought you weren't using a weapon because you didn't really think you needed one with me. " The graceful gem trembles. " I had no idea I was _forcing_ you to fight unarmed!"

Jasper was taken aback. She didn't think she needed one, no, but currently her reasoning for that was nowhere near the vain thoughts from the first few matches. Jasper wouldn't have taken a sword even if Pearl handed her one because she'd be damned if she couldn't figure out a way to beat Pearl without one. The lumbering, large gem was enjoying the test.

Still, as brash as the warrior could be, as blunt, Jasper was aware of the concept of helping others save face, and if she didn't do that now, it seemed like Pearl would be useless for fighting for some time. What a waste.

"Yeah, I just figured I was that tough, " she says with a cocky grin, "But if it makes you feel fair, " and here, she added a sarcastic drawl to the word, "We can do this round gem weapon to gem weapon. One spear, one helmet. "

Pearl drew herself up and took a deep breath, collecting herself. "That might be a good idea. " Her voice more normal, she adds, briskly, "I have to give you _some_ chance to win. "

Setting aside the sword, the rebel closes her eyes and in a motion more suitable for a ballet than a battle, her slender arms draw her spear from her gem. Jasper rarely got to see it. It was the weapon of last resort in their matches, and the striped gem hadn't seen more than a move or two with it. She'd never been able to see Pearl's combat style using it.

When she flourished it slowly in a twirl, before pointing it at Jasper, above her head, her offhand ready to guide in a thrust, the former army leader and combat expert quartz felt her jaw drop. This was surely the natural weapon for her slender opponent, and even as she thought that she knew how foolish that was. There was no natural weapon for a pearl, there never could be.

And yet, it was like an extension of Pearl's body in a way the swords never quite managed.

"I'm waiting..." purred Pearl, and Jasper flashed her helmet around herself, heavy , designed for when she went into a destructive spin more than casual combat. It did have its uses, primarily protecting her gem.

Jasper realises she's grinning with delight. How long has it been since she'd really gotten up close and personal with a fight? Disruptors did most of the work now. She'd had more chance to stretch her muscles and mind here in a month than she'd had in fifty years back home.

As Pearl moves, it's like watching a dancer with her partner, the taut muscles propelling one motion into the next smoothly, spinning here, slashing there. Even an evasion and block was as graceful and flowing as the water she surrounded herself with in her sanctuary.

Jasper has learned the rhythm of this dancer, to read her feet and ignore her eyes, to watch the flex of her slender fingers, the tension in her arms and cutting in like a breathless suitor at prom, the fighter realises she has Pearl up against a pillar, the spear clattering to the stones at their feet as a thrust was deflected.

Jasper had finally gotten the better of the Crystal Gem. And now, by all rights, she should pay the arrogant defective creature back for those times she was sent back to her stone. The little humiliations with each successive battle between them past when absolute defeat was no longer the end game. How many times had Pearl gotten her at sword point last time? Ten? Fifteen?

The look in Pearl's eyes was strange, the pale blue so close Jasper could swear she could see her own gold in them.

Jasper's grip loosens and she steps back, taking a breath, before smiling slowly. "Pick up your weapon. Let's try that again, unless you can only stand one loss a day? "

The colour blue on Pearl's blushing cheeks was, Jasper discovers, exactly the shade of the sky in the morning. It suited her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I watched so many videos about spear fighting and used so little for this chapter.


	4. Together Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the post sparring afterglow, Jasper tries a strawberry and discusses Homeworld.

The gem temple's human residence flashes into place around Jasper and her combat partner. The large gem was breathless, grinning broadly. She can feel the sweat on her back, and her whole body tingles with the presence of Pearl. A gratifying glance over reveals an enigmatic smile on the rebel gem's lips. Pearl looked downright disheveled and the striped fighter could have spent all morning admiring how the pale cheeks flush and the hint of gloss on her skin when the normally refined gem went all out.

They'd gone hard after that first triumph from Jasper, and she knew it was because they trusted each other now to not go too far, to push the other into their gem. Jasper can feel the scratches over her stomach where dual spears forced her back, and she knows Pearl has a few bruises. They'd gotten close, but not too close.

"Morning! "

The cheerful voice of the fusion, Steven , breaks her out of her revelry. Jasper looks to see him with his swordbearer, in the area where food was produced. They appeared to be engrossed in its production. Connie was dressed in her combat clothes, a sensible uniform the warrior preferred to the dresses she often favoured. Unsurprisingly, the young human braided her hair for training, and when she looks to Jasper over she gasps in delight.

"You kept it in! " The quartz flushes saffron and shrugs, but she's in too good a mood, coming down from all the endorphins from a really good battle, to stay chilly. The French braid was slightly worse for wear from sparring, but it had held nicely and did its job. Jasper could respect that.

The home was unexpectedly full, and the fighter could see, beyond the pair, that Amethyst and the former loyalist Peridot were sitting together, looking through small colourful printed things.

Steven hops down from the counter, his face full of concern. "Ahh, you're hurt! Let me fix that! " Jasper holds up a hand, laughing. "It's just a scratch. I want to keep it. "

Pearl gasps and glances at the pair, transforming from the playful combatant to her fluttering, worried self in an instant. " Oh dear, is it that late? I'm sorry Connie, Steven, I completely lost track of time! I'll freshen up and check on Lapis Lazuli and be right out for your training. "

Connie pauses from where she's adding some white fluff to a stack of brown circles and says, her demeanor eager to please, "Don't worry, ma'am, it's okay if you're too tired for training today. " Pearl waves a hand dismissively and says, " Nonsense, this was an excellent warmup but we shouldn't skip days, it's bad for routine. "

"And we made an almost totally together but I'm not sure where Garnet is breaaaakfaaast!" says Steven, grinning widely. Pearl gives him a loving smile. "I'll be sure to let Lapis know, thank you."

Jasper's mood falls immediately when Pearl mentions her room mate, and she goes to lounge on the floor, trying to focus her mind on anything else besides the water witch when Pearl opens the door to her room and steps in. Peridot and Amethyst were reading, and as the green researcher was eager to point out soon after Jasper was freed from her bubble captivity, the writing system was nothing like theirs, even if the language here in this region was clearly based on the Homeworld one. Peridot found it fascinating, but she was built that way. New information was practically a drug for peridots. Jasper just took it in as a weird side effect of the war.

Amethyst waves one of the magazine things at the warrior, grinning. "Yo, Jas, want in on this action? It's the full run of **Amazing Robot Battle Attack**! " Jasper hated nicknames. " Yes, the undercurrent between the general and the enemy combatant is intriguing!" insists Peridot, flushing and practically stabbing a panel of the comic with her finger in her eagerness to show the clear chemistry between the fictional characters.

" No. " Jasper also couldn't read the local human script. Steven and Connie had wanted to teach her, but they were easily distracted and Jasper didn't place a high priority on that, so she didn't bother reminding them. The visual stories were good enough. Instead, the Homeworld Gem turned her focus on the kitchen.

"Should a quartz be consuming that much food? " she grumbles at Steven as he lifts the towering stack of waffles and berries and syrup and cream to take to the den. " I don't see why you should eat at all. "

"Steven's half human, Jasper, he needs to eat for the human half. " Connie points out, reasonably, as she goes to get the other side of heavy plate, preventing it from toppling. They place the stack on the coffee table with clear reverence, and Connie starts putting down forks. "Besides, Amethyst is a gem, and she eats too. "

"Amethyst is a _defective_ gem, "says Jasper, derisively, to which the purple gem snorts and growls, "Rude!" but to Jasper's surprise, it's Peridot who's suddenly in her face, combative. In their travels together Jasper had seen, as an undercurrent to the green scientist's natural deference to larger gems, a certain amount of assertiveness and ego beyond her size. A human might call it a Napoleon complex. Frankly, the striped quartz wasn't completely shocked when she heard Peridot had apparently swore at Yellow Diamond. Wearing her limb enhancers had clearly given her the wrong idea about her actual status.

It didn't help that the rebels didn't even believe in status, beyond a certain remembered reverence for their former quartz leader.

"That is _completely_ unacceptable, I know you are unfamiliar with protocol but Amethyst is a fine gem and is sensitive about her construction! " Peridot barks at her, poking the bemused warrior with a stubby finger. Amethyst rolls over, chuckling, and says, "Chill, Peri," before tugging the hissing Peridot into a hug. Defective or not, at least the undernourished runt knew how to control her associates.

Watching the research gem struggle, blushing, Jasper shakes her head and grins. She must be in heaven, a quartz her size. "I'm amazed you both get along so well. " she admits.

Peridot is tangled in Amethyst's grip, but doesn't appear to be making any escape. "She has certain... Pierre like qualities. "

Jasper gives her a blank look. " I have no idea what that means. "

"You would if you'd just watch **Camp Pining Hearts**! " counters Peridot, finally settling in Amethyst's lap.

Jasper makes a face. "Absolutely not. That story is far too heavy on the kissing. " Connie nods as she sets out napkins for the group. "It _is_ pretty saccharine. " Steven gasps when she says that, looking stricken, "That's what makes it great! "

The green gem sputters, her already squeaky voice cracking, "You know about _vocal pad contact?!_ " Jasper snorts. Peridot's technical language was pretty amusing.

"I keep forgetting how young you are, " says the quartz, shaking her head. "Why should that matter? " asks Peridot, her suspicious mannerisms coming to the fore.

" I thought gems didn't have baby gems, " says Steven, and Amethyst notes, "We don't, Ste-man. What you see is what you get! " Jasper waves a hand. The rebels were all old enough to know life before the war, barring Amethyst, and the humans didn't follow the same authority. But Peridot was, what, two hundred? Three? So young the very rumours of things were long gone.

"After the war for this dirt ball, the Authority outlawed a lot of things they thought would lead to secession. " Jasper starts to explain, only to hear the door open. Looking up, she pauses, but only Pearl is there, looking much fresher than before.

"Sorry, Steven, Lapis didn't really want to try any breakfast, but Garnet... " she starts to say, when the two gems for the fusion' s door light up and she steps out.

" I understand it's extra large together breakfast time, "says the tall gem, solemnly. Steven cheers, going over to press a plate and fork in her hands. Connie passes one to Jasper, who takes it, frowning. Were they all expected to... eat?

Garnet takes a seat beside Jasper, which aggravates the fighter, but she bites back any comments when the fusion notes, "I hear you've been doing well with Pearl. Nice abs." Jasper places a hand over her torn uniform, and changes the subject, turning to Steven. " I don't eat. "

The human fusion pouts at her, leaning over and placing his soft hands on her knee. "But you should try it! Even Peridot tried it. " Jasper can see Peridot dissecting a waffle and nibbling on a tiny piece.

" Steven, you know digestion can be very uncomfortable for gems, " says Pearl, sitting across from Jasper and taking a single berry with whipped cream. "And Jasper is a Homeworld one, this is all probably very difficult for her and we should respect that. " The striped fighter can't hide a look of shock. Since when was any gem, beside Peridot out of a misplaced sense of solidarity, wanting to take her side? She follows Pearl's lead and sticks to a small piece of fruit, sucking on it like a candy. The flavour was excellent.

This concession seems to satisfy Steven, and he helps himself to a large plate. "So, why is kissing illegal? " he asks Jasper with his mouth full of breakfast.

Jasper chokes and spits out the fruit, and Pearl goes azure. " Steven, what on..." squalks the maternal gem, but Jasper holds a hand up. Might as well let the Crystal Gems know some of the damage they did.

"After the rebellion, the Diamond Authority decided that certain things weren't important to being a gem, they just made us lose focus, forget our jobs. Fraternization wasn't exactly common before but it's completely forbidden now. Don't want gems putting love before duty. " She glances to her side, but Garnet was as impassive as always, consuming a waffle.

" Not just that, though. Music. Dancing. Fiction, poetry. I hadn't seen any of that for five thousand years, until I ended up back here. For a while gems would sneak things , but it's been thousands of years. The laws hardly need to exist because a good portion of gems don't even know what a kiss or a song _is_."

"I was breaking so many rules! " says Peridot, shocked, before starting to giggle."Take that, you story hating clods! " she squeaks, punching a tiny fist in the air.

"That sounds terrible, " says Connie, softly. Jasper just looks at the food pile, before selecting another strawberry. You learned to survive, and Jasper was very good at appearing to toe the line to survive. Like trying food. But she finds herself wondering what Pearl's dancing would be like, rebellion in her heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jasper has an advanced Jacobson's organ, which means she smells with her mouth as well as tastes. So that's how she smells, also, terrible, she's very sweaty. 
> 
> I started writing this last night, erased the whole thing, slept on it, and now this chapter is a much better one I feel.
> 
> (Enjoy the low key Amedot, you beautiful people. )


	5. Water and stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Jasper finds herself interested in her sparring partner, jealousy and rivalry rears its head.

Slowly, Jasper turns the page, trying not to damage the delicate paper. The house was extraordinarily dull when Steven wasn't around, but Peridot had left a stack of comics for the warrior, and she was looking through the pictures. So far, they didn't seem very comical.

Everything on this planet felt too small and fragile. She couldn't sit anywhere that wasn't the floor in the rooms of the house, for fear of cracking something , and there was already a Jasper-head shaped hole above the door frame from when she'd attempted to exit but underestimated how small she had to make herself.

Nothing here had the permanence of the Homeworld. The only things she'd seen that even appeared to approach the durability of items from home were all made by the gems themselves before the war. Jasper had finally been given permission to extend her warp travels, the Crystal Gems escorting her to other locations, like walking a dog. She universally hated them.

Every single one felt like a graveyard. Each one was home to battles and she could practically feel shards under her boots. The remains of so many gems for such a pointless cause. What was worse, the horrible environment and ecology of Earth was slowly eating away the places where gems fought and died.

One Pearl had taken her to was covered in massive fruit, smelling and looking like the one she had tried. Broken weapons surrounded them, poking up from the foliage that was consuming them. Pearl seemed to think there was a strange beauty to the site. Jasper wondered if being alone on earth as long as they had been had warped the other gems even more than she imagined. It was depressing, seeing insects flitting about on large colourful wings and watching the juices of the strawberry as it rotted on the ground pooling around a cracked sword that may have been owned by a quartz she knew, so many years before.

So, home had to remain in the place built for humans, as small and uncomfortable as that could be. Better than the other options. Only the sky arena, while decimated from its battle, seemed purified enough by the passage of time to have any comfort. Or perhaps purified by the sweat and effort she'd been putting in there. They'd been.

The warp pad flashes and Pearl appears, carrying a basket of coverings for Steven, cleaned on the devices they kept on the hand. Jasper suddenly found herself losing all interest in the poorly drawn robot battle as the other gem went about her domestic tasks, putting the coverings away before climbing the stairs to rearrange the slumber fabric on the bed.

The motions were soothing, almost hypnotic, and Jasper realises she's resting her chin in her hand, just staring, when Pearl glances over her shoulder, hands smoothing the sheets, and says, "You could help, you know. " Her voice carries a tone the fighter hadn't heard in a long time, teasing, playful. Jasper smirks and holds up her hands. "Trust me, I'll break anything I touch in this place. " Humming a soft tune, Pearl turns back to her task with evident pleasure.

Watching pearls like this had always been a dangerous thing, for a warrior. Quartz might be the best warriors, often generals of greater armies, but they still weren't ranked high enough in court to get away with such levels of blatant covetousness. Jasper had never really been tempted, not about pearls. Not before this one. Pearl, the defective one, the rebel one, inherently worthless, now she caught the fighter's eye.

Jasper didn't have time for things that were just pretty. She had high standards, and this bit of fluff created to be a toy was exceeding every one of them. When they were out in the death field, she remembers, surrounded by the scent of strawberries, Pearl had casually dispatched and bubbled a monster corruption without pausing in talking to the lumbering warrior. The emotions Jasper felt at that instant made it hard in the dark hours , alone with her thoughts and replaying that image.

Being around such beauty and subtle power was an addiction. It made her feel fierce, half of her wanting to guard it, the other half longing to rend.

The beautiful dancer was mesmerizing. As she went downstairs and started tidying the kitchen, Jasper followed, ostensibly to put her comics back with the small pile on the coffee table. Resting in front of it, Jasper picks another to pretend to read, all the while, her eyes barely left Pearl's ...posterior, she admits to herself. It was very nicely shaped.

Now, back home, looking at any gem like this was dangerous. From the lowest pearl to the highest emerald , no one was protected from the Diamonds' new rules. There was a thrill in that, long past the reach of authority. Listening to the music of Pearl's soft humming, watching her graceful steps. Every moment becomes a statement.

Jasper was so engrossed, that she nearly swallows her tongue in shock when a soft voice growls in her ear, "Stay away from Pearl. "

Sitting up quickly, Jasper looks beside her to realise she hadn't even heard the door open, hadn't noticed Lapis Lazuli exit. How long had the water witch been observing her? Sitting like this, the tiger striped gem was short enough Lapis was above eye level to her, though only barely.

Jasper glares at Lapis. " She's not _yours!_ " she whispers harshly back, only to be met with an arrogant smile. The blue gem usually stayed out of her way, a mutual arrangement, why was she even out here now?

" Oh, really? "

Jasper feels ice going down her spine when Lapis puts on a friendly face and skips over to Pearl, linking an arm in one of the slender gem's. The happy surprise on the fighter's sparring partner's face made her insides twist.

"Let me help you, Pearl, " coos Lapis sweetly, taking some plates and starting to dry them. "It's the least I can do, for all you've done for me. "

"Why thank you, Lapis! You're so kind to offer, but really, you don't have to pay me back, I _enjoy_ helping you, and having you with me. "

Gritting her teeth, Jasper's hands tighten to fists and there's a sickening ripping sound. She looks down in horror at the remains of the comic she had been skimming. Peridot was not going to be happy.

☆☆☆☆☆

The striped gem finally evacuates to the silence of the sky arena. The late afternoon sun cast long shadows across the marble, filling the floor with bars of light and dark from the scattered pillars. Jasper practices alone, tossing up stray rubble with a toe only to punch each piece to dust. Soon, the gem is coated in a fine layer of marble powder, making her look pale and ghostly.

Why did Lapis Lazuli seem to long to torture her? She suspected the eons in the mirror and the strain as Malachite had twisted the gem. She hadn't known her from before, hadn't even considered her a threat. Underestimating others was a mistake she keeps making, back here on the dirt ball Rose sent armies to die for, gems and swarming humans alike.

Why would Pearl want Lapis?

Why would she want a killer like Jasper, either? The quartz growls, destroying the disembodied head of a statue in impotent frustration. They were on the wrong sides of history from each other. Lapis was insane but had pledged her allegiance to the fusion Steven. Jasper would always be built wrong for this planet.

Sinking to her knees, the fighter runs her thick fingers through her hair. It wouldn't be right to say she missed home. This place reminded her how cold it had become. But she missed the past.

Soft steps coming from the stairs leading from the warp pad are too familiar. Jasper doesn't turn around. "Done with your work? " she asks.

The graceful rebel moves beside her. Jasper tenses when she feels Pearl's much more delicate fingers comb through her hair. " Apparently not, " murmurs the Crystal Gem, with her playfully mocking voice, "You're not going into the house looking like this. "

Jasper snorts. " Right. Rocks don't dodge as well as you. " She rubs her thumb and finger together. Very gritty. Pearl was right, Jasper would need a shower, or sadly, a hose.

" What do you see in Lapis? " The question is out, sullen and low, Jasper looking at her bruised knuckles instead of the gem standing beside her. Pearl chuckles softly.

"She asked the same thing about you, when she heard I was coming here to find you." Pearl delicately sits beside the large warrior, dwarfed once more. Jasper huffs, but knows it would be unwise to interrupt, not in this prickly mood.

"It's the same reason for both of you. I enjoy your company. Lapis... has had a difficult time, with her imprisonment..." Jasper can't suppress a derisive grunt. " ..but so have you. She did what she did for reasons she thought were right, but it was perhaps not the best idea. Still, your fusion idea wasn't right either, coercion never makes for a good fusion. I should know. " A soft hand pats Jasper's arm, almost nervously, and the warrior expects she's waiting to see her reaction.

"So, I deserved to be forced to lose myself and trapped under the ocean? " comes the bitter words from her lips.

"No. " Pearl's hand squeezes her forearm. Jasper glances over and sees the Crystal Gem staring out over the clouds. Her free hand brushes that peachy pink hair from her eyes.

" We don't always make the right decisions in the heat of battle, Jasper. I don't expect either of you to be friends, but I hope both of you can come to see that the other isn't actually _malicious_. I'm sorry for what happened, though. "

"You don't know I'm not malicious, " says Jasper. Pearl smiles slightly. " Fine, not purely malicious. I trust you. And I trust her. And I sincerely wish that hadn't been your exposure to fusion. "

Jasper shudders at the mention of fusion. Fusion had gone from being something she derided as cheap and a tactic when gems couldn't face you head on, to being a horror, a nightmare. Her gem itched and her skin crawled to think about.

"If only you could see, " says Pearl, her voice becoming wistful, her hand stroking Jasper's arm as she speaks, proselytizes, on the matter. "It's _wonderful_. It can be so intimate, so warm. The best of two gems. " The warrior pulls her arm slowly away.

Standing, Jasper shakes the dust from her mane as best she can. Glancing at Pearl, she can see that stricken expression. Nervous, desperate to please. The fighter turns away, hissing through her teeth in a different frustration. Whatever Pearl wants, the quartz can't give it to her right now. Probably never. She can't say that Pearl is right,  she can't say she'll give it a try. She should just stick to her role.  Convenient ally and punching bag.

Jasper feels her fingers flex,  longing to reassure against her pride and better judgment.  Instead, she sighs. " Forget about fusion. I should get hosed down before Steven returns. " Pearl nods and stands. Her hand reaches out, and then pulls back. " Of course. " she says softly. " I wasn't suggesting..."

Jasper can't look her in the eyes. "Right. " Her arm feels cold from the lack of Pearl's hand. She ignores it. She was strong enough, stronger than they knew. She wouldn't give in to weakness again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad we're starting to get more into Jasper's head space on how she views earth. I'm really impatient to introduce more of how she thinks. Also don't be a dick, Lapis.
> 
> I've seen the Lapis/Jasper/Pearl love triangle in other works but I like it and I hope that I can show Lapis being likable, it's just hard when she wants to murder Jasper. Suffice to say, she's a dick to Jasper but she's not the bad guy here.


	6. Beach Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper attends a beach party. It's terrible.

One of the few things Jasper enjoyed about being so close to the ocean was the sounds. Homeworld had become sterile and silent, there were few noises besides that of gems at work and equipment. 

But here, there always seemed to be some soft watery susurration. She especially appreciated the calls of the flying animals that lived by it, hunting. They added a randomness to the steady rhythm of the waves. 

Jasper had spent most of the day watching the machines on the hands on behest of Steven, to get out of the house and because he was very difficult to say no to. She did, but he would just ask again in three or four progressively more ingratiating ways until she succumbed. Carrying the basket under her arm, she returns to the house to realise its emptiness and the fact the cries of the gulls outside were punctuated by the murmurs of human voices. 

Still carrying her payload of socks, Jasper carefully unfolded herself through the front doorway, curious to see whom it was. To her surprise, she caught her head on the door frame again, cracking it. Rubbing her crown, the warrior wondered how that had changed back from the hole, but a strange voice from the beach below seemed to provide her answer. 

"Hey! I just fixed that!" 

Stepping out onto the deck, Jasper cranes her neck, looking down over the sand, where tire tracks lead to a van and a human who was putting away some equipment. The human was unfamiliar, but in all honesty he did seem to resemble the human fusion, especially since Steven was standing beside him for easy comparison. 

Jasper wracks her brain, she'd been told about how this worked. Rose Quartz had fused with a human but humans, being meat, tended to stay apart or some sort of thing? Either way, Steven was the fusion with Rose sublimated fully, something Jasper had an experience in. And this was Greg, the human that remained mostly separate. Somehow she'd expected more hair. Or shorter, given Steven's height. 

The gem considers the stairs before jumping down instead, tossing up a brief cloud of sand. Greg steps back quickly, looking up at her. "Ho boy... so you're Jasper." He looked, if she could make out his expression properly with all the face fuzz, a mixture of intimidated and impressed. The striped gem grins. She likes those sorts of reactions. 

She leans down. "So you're Rose's extra special human. " she drawls. Steven grins back up to her, beside the man. "I told you about my dad, right, Jasper? He's pretty amazing, he even fixed the door!" 

Greg's cheeks go pink and he looks aside, rubbing the back of his neck. " Aw, quit it, you two, you're making an old man blush. And you're one of the gems from that ship. You're not going to push me off a roof, right? " He gives her a lopsided smile.

Jasper frowns a little. Was this some sort of test? "No, that would kill you. " she notes. Greg seemed relieved. " Oh, good, you know that," he says with a little laugh. 

" I'm very familiar with killing humans, " says Jasper, watching him go white. 

Steven notes, firmly, "But that was a long time ago, and you're a good guy now, right? " The quartz shrugs and nods. " That was back during the war. Well before your time. " Greg gives another nervous laugh, but that was to be expected, she supposes. Human or gem, she was used to this reaction. She enjoys intimidating. 

Then the human gem who couldn't be intimidated at all is hanging from her arm. Arching an eyebrow, Jasper lifts him up and holds up his laundry basket with her other hand. "I finished your washing. " Steven climbs up to sit on her shoulder and says, "That was my clever plan so you'd be out of the house and we could surprise you with the door! "

"And to get your chores done, " deadpans Jasper, solemnly. Steven nods, putting on what he thought of as one of his serious, sophisticated looks, stroking his chin and closing his eyes. "That was an added bonus of the clever plan. " The Homeworld Gem snorts, chuckling. 

" Careful up there, kiddo!" Greg calls up, sounding worried. "And, jeeze, maybe I should just install a bigger door, you're huge! Er, no offense. "

Jasper smirks at him. "Thanks, I like being huge. Everyone here is so tiny, I feel like a diamond. " She gives Steven a poke in his gem, playfully. He giggles, batting her fingers away. "I'm the biggest quartz on the planet! "she brags, out of the field of exactly three. She's taken aback for a moment when Steven hugs around her head before he climbs on top. 

"Now I'm the biggest Quartz!" he exclaims, hooting and tossing a hand up before she feels him losing his grip and before Greg even has time to yell, "Steven! " , the boy is caught by his shirt and lowered to the ground. 

" Sorry, but looks like you're too little to be pulling a coup, " says Jasper, putting his clothing basket down too and watching the larger human clutch his chest. Greg groans a little and exclaims, "You have to be careful, kiddo, a fall like that could really hurt you. " 

Jasper squats down in the sand, unsurprised when Steven starts clambering on her again. She vaguely remembers being told, eons ago, that the humans were the hairless version of some tree creature, and she could believe it. "Dad, we should make a bigger door in time for the beach party next weekend! " 

Greg laughs, and ruffles Steven's hair, and this close Jasper can see how the fusion had so much of him. Still, two words of that sentence worried her. " Beach party? "

Steven cups her cheeks in his soft hands and stares in her eyes, his own sparkling with excitement and enthusiasm. " Beaaaaach paaaarty! "

There was no way she'd be able to say no.

Not successfully. 

☆☆☆☆☆

In spite of her demeanor, Jasper wasn't against parties. Back when they had been more common at home, she'd attended many. Gem events usually had music and dancing and occasionally some small performance and, by the end of the night, gems slipping away in pairs. Parties were not a thing anymore. 

The striped fighter had never wanted to ask, but she was pretty certain she'd met Lazuli in the past at one of those. Of course, gems are gems but the gem placement was familiar. Not that they'd interacted, they were at entirely different levels of court and Jasper had barely been invited herself. She had no idea that Lapis Lazuli had been harvested. She wondered how many gems had been, over the eons. 

Until recently, she had thought that was the worst fate a gem could suffer. 

A beach party when you weren't used to parties anymore and hated beaches wasn't close to the worst fate, but it was the worst fate in the scale of things Jasper had to do on a Sunday afternoon in late summer. 

She'd tied her hair back and put on sunglasses to show willing, but any attempt to get her within twenty feet of the ocean was met with utter immovabiliy. The Homeworld Gem dug her heels in as Amethyst attempted to push her in the water.

"C'mon, you big fart!" grunts the undersized quartz with effort. " Have some fun already! " 

"I am having fun. I'm standing here. That's extremely fun. " growls Jasper, crossing her arms and leaning back against Amethyst. In fact, she was enjoying giving the little gem a hard time. "And if you try throwing water capsules at me again, I'll knot your arms behind your head. " 

"Peri, a little help here?! Your bodyguard is being a major butt! " whines the lilac gem to her green friend. Peridot looks up from where she's poking a crab. " That's more her calves, not her butt, Amethyst, " she says helpfully. 

With an exasperated "UGH!", Amethyst shifted her size. The Purple Puma wasn't as big as Jasper, but the orange and red gem also hadn't been expecting to have her legs grabbed like the pole in a caber toss and to be chucked in the drink. 

Surfacing past the surf, the gem tries to hide her panic. She wasn't drowning, nothing bad was going to happen, nothing was pulling her under, Lapis wasn't here with her, she was yards away... Terror twists up inside her, erupting as rage, and the warrior, killer and leader of killers, terrible tigress of a thousand battles, rushes out of the ocean, saltwater steaming off of her as her body heats up. 

The rampaging gem is stopped by soft arms around a leg. She pulls short so fast she tumbles into a roll, tossing the human with her. "Jasper! " 

Jasper's anger shatters like a dropped Celestine. She looks up from the sand, grit coating her still damp cheeks. " Connie! " she says, surprised. She'd seen less and less of the little sword bearer, and it hadn't occurred to the gem that of course Steven would invite her. She wraps a heavy arm around the youngster as Connie hugs back, her sundress covered in sand as well from the tumble.

" Saved by the belle, " murmurs a familiar voice nearby, and Jasper glances over to discover that Lapis Lazuli had been watching the whole thing. She looks bemused. The large quartz is about to snap something at the ocean gem before she realises Connie is saying something and she'll probably be expected to reply. Her attention turns to the girl.

"... and Mom has been upping my summer lessons because school starts soon so this is the last weekend I'll be able to come here for a bit. I like your hair! " The gem blinks her golden eyes as she tries to digest everything that had just been said. 

"Wait, you have to do other training besides your sword work? That seems like a waste of time, " Jasper notes, brushing the tiny particles from her body as best she could. Looking up, she can see Amethyst has evacuated to further down the beach, innocently putting Garnet between her and her prank victim. 

Connie laughs and says, " Despite how books and movies make it look, there's not a lot of jobs for adventurers with swords. I need to know math and science and other things too. " The quartz couldn't really see the point. Diverting energies into things that you weren't designed for seemed wasteful at best. Her mind flits to Pearl as she ponders that, and her eyes scan the beach quickly. The pretty gem was nowhere around. 

"Where's Pearl? " Jasper realises she's said that aloud. Connie doesn't appear to mind her change in subject, and glances about herself. " Probably with Steven getting stuff for the barbecue together. You really get along well with her, don't you? "

"I don't get along with anyone, " Jasper notes with a huff, seating herself near the cliff, away from the water again. Connie perches on her knee and the large gem marvels at how light someone so strong could be. She hadn't seen Connie and Steven training yet, but she makes a note to request watching them next time Pearl is teaching. The gem smirks. Maybe she could give the sword girl some hints to get under Pearl's guard. 

" I don't think you give yourself enough credit. You get along with me, right? And Steven. " points out the little human, reasonably, as she swung her legs. 

"That's different, " says the warrior. They were surprisingly open to being friendly and, from what she could tell, were devoid of the machinations and neurosis and natural caste and other things she was used to with any other gem. Steven, in particular, she felt, picked up a lot of his human half's openness. Rose Quartz would have never survived if she was as honest as her fusion. "I don't get along with gems. We're natural enemies. "

Connie arches her back and looks over her shoulder, catching Jasper's golden eyes with her pretty mahogany ones. "Peridot seems to like you."

"She has to, it's respect for my position in this mission. "

"Amethyst likes you too..."

"You're kidding. She's always bothering me! "

"I know, but that's how she shows she likes people. "

Jasper growls, glaring across the sand where the fuzzy human was setting up a metal contraption down the beach. Garnet helped him lift a large bag and tip it over. Black rocks fell out, and the Homeworld Gem idly wonders what they do. 

"Garnet then, " she says, unwilling to be out argued by a junior ranked human. 

Connie pauses, humming to herself. "She's hard to read, but I'm pretty sure if she didn't like you, you'd know. " Jasper expects that's true. The fusion doesn't seem like the sort to nurse a grudge when she could just hit you. 

Her huge hand rests on Connie's head, thumb idly stroking. It was funny, she'd been around so many humans in the past, during the war, but she never saw them as individuals. They were as uniform as a field of pyrites, and as unimpressive. Maybe it was due to her proximity with the gems, but Connie seemed to have quite a distinct personality. Then again, the human stories layered their characters with as many emotions as any gem drama. Speaking of drama...

" Mff, I need you to show me how human letters work. The ending for that series of shows we were watching was horrible, I have to assume some slag botched it. "

Connie sighs, "Sorry, the books didn't end any better. They even spent pages and pages describing the stupid cake! " Jasper is agog. 

" They turned the bird into a human and it's kisses ever after? That's a disaster! What was she thinking?!" Connie seems to be vibrating with righteous indignation of her own. "I KNOW! "

Before they could enjoy a good rant about the idiocy of pandering to the general public' s desire to turn strong partners into romances and a mutual loathing of cake, Jasper hears the familiar sound of a certain sparring partner's laughter. Her eyes follow the music to see Pearl and Steven talking to Lapis. 

Oh, schist. 

" Great, I bet she's telling them how I got dunked. " snarls Jasper, and Connie follows her gaze. "Um, it was a little funny, " the girl admits. Jasper gestures rudely at the blue gem, who was too far away to notice. Connie giggles a little at that fit of pique. 

"It might not be that. I know you two don't get along, but Lapis Lazuli can be pretty funny, when she wants to be. " Connie kicks her legs up and adds, her voice tight, "Besides, between you and me, I understand how she can be a little freaky. When she was still cracked she nearly killed Steven and me. I mean, we're friends now, but..."

Jasper knows what she means, noting grimly " The water gets in your mind, what she can do with it. " Connie nods. It was nice, having someone else who understood that, the fighter realises. She never allowed herself confidantes.

Connie brushes over Jasper's hand, where it lays still on her head. " If you give it time, it'll get better. Lapis Lazuli seems to be getting warmer too. And she even fused last time I saw her. It was pretty amazing, I almost never get to see the gems do that. "

A pit of dread opens up in Jasper's stomach when she hears that. No. Please, not that. From this distance, she can see Pearl resting a hand on Lapis' shoulder, the blue gem adjusting her hair, and smiling back. Raising an arm, Lapis makes a bird appear in swirling waves and the pale dancer claps. 

Keeping her voice level, working to carefully remove her hand from Connie's far too delicate head, the Homeworld Gem asks, "With who? "

But she already knew the answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited for new episodes but it's giving me a deadline with the story. I don't do well when my stuff gets completely destroyed by canon, and I have a few fanfictions I never had the heart to finish when it was clear they were too AU. (Fully AU stuff is another matter) So I'm going to try to get the bulk of this done by June. 
> 
> Also, it's hard to be clear with the passage of time here but in story Jasper and Lapis have been with the gems for more than a month. About the same time Peridot took to warm up to the clods before them. 
> 
> Finally, I'm so so sorry, things are only going to get worse before they get better for the bara mom.
> 
>  
> 
> P.S. A caber toss is a Scottish sport where you chuck a huge log end over end because kilt power.


	7. Bitter Fruit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jasper and Lapis have a heart to heart.

The soft strumming of Steven's ukulele as he came up with yet another little song filled the evening with music, the tempo set by the slow waves against the shore. There was only the faintest of a vermillion and heliotrope band across the horizon behind the temple. Stars painted the deep indigo above the group , and Jasper watches the sparkle of some intergalactic fragment entering the atmosphere and burning into nothing.

Jasper had refused to sing, and for once no amount of cute manipulation from Steven altered her stance. She listened instead in sullen silence, and admired the voices. Pearl's was lovely, sweet and pure. Garnet was obnoxiously good, but Jasper was only too aware of that. Amethyst was raspy, Peridot nasal, but they both had perfect pitch. The Homeworld Gem was surprised, she'd wondered if certain things had been removed from the later kindergarten batches, but clearly, gems were just musical.

Lapis Lazuli had a soulful voice when she started to sing, reminding Jasper of the cry of seagulls, only much more lyrical. The striped gem stares at the rising moon, tuning out the harmonies.

The party had been dreadful. First there was a barbecue, which seemed promising, the scent of charcoal and fire pleasing if strong, but Jasper tried one of those hotdogs Steven and his father were referencing regularly. If this was where an imperfect porkchop went, Jasper assumes a perfect one would be best used as some sort of caulking. She'd spit it out behind a bush.

The less said about root beer, the better. Amethyst had caused one to explode in her face, necessitating Garnet and Pearl to hold Jasper back from punting her to the lighthouse.

There was a beach ball game, which Garnet ended quickly by destroying the ball. Jasper sat any further games out. Only the regular sweetness of the humans kept her from walking off on the group entirely, but then what? Sitting in the dark house, listening to their laugher?

Now, singing and more food, involving white blobs on sticks and more fire. Jasper watches Amethyst shove four in her mouth, to the chortling of Peridot. And singing.

The Homeworld Gem wishes she could feel angry. About Pearl and Lapis. About no matter what Connie might say, she was not and never would be part of this group. Not as liked or trusted. Because Lapis was the martyr now, the victim, the innocent angel to her brutality. Dancing with Pearl. Singing with Pearl.

Jasper just felt empty. Pearl thought Lapis did the wrong thing for the right reasons, but Jasper knows that inherently meant what she did was the wrong thing for the wrong reasons, to everyone. There was never a chance any common ground would be found on that.

She'd just do her job, she supposes. Do it and if they all survived, decide what was next then.

The song quieted down and the gems and humans alike fell to talking. The striped warrior was on the edge of the light, watching balefully with golden eyes. No one cared. Everyone was happy together, and then there was her. It ate at her. She missed having a team.

A movement catches her eyes, and her head turns to watch Lapis Lazuli standing, brushing a hand on Pearl's shoulder, accepting a hug from Steven before heading back to the temple house.

Mind empty of thought, moving like one of the machines Peridot used to use for her reconnaissance than a gem, Jasper follows the blue gem in the shadows.

It was hardly stealth, the stairs always groaned slightly under her weight when she took them, and when she opened the door, Lapis was standing facing it, between her and the warp pad.

Her arms were stiff to her sides, hands clenched in fists, her glare darker still than the gloom of the room. "What do you want, Jasper. " the water gem says, her voice low with threat.

"Why? "

Lapis looks confused, so Jasper elaborates. " Why Pearl? " Understanding slowly dawned on the ocean gem's face, and the laughter that filled the dark room was grim and cruel.

" _Pearl?_ This is about _her?!_ "

Jasper tenses, her eyes glowing in the low light. "Why are you going after the only thing here that is any good for me? Do you _like_ torturing me? "

"Stars, Jasper, not everything in this galaxy is about you, you hunking piece of granite. " spits out the smaller gem with clear disgust.

" You made it seem pretty clear it was about me when you told me to stay away from her. " insists the warrior, her temper starting to flare. Lapis was a court gem, through and through, that arrogance enraged her.

Lapis crosses her arms over her chest. " You're dangerous. "

" I'm not the one who nearly murdered Steven and Connie! "

Quartz were designed to spot weakness, mainly of a physical sort, but you didn't end up being a leader of your class if you didn't exceed that basic ability. Lapis looked shocked now. And hunted. Jasper moved in closer, her voice lowering.

" I always wondered why you fought to contain me so hard...."

Lapis backs away, her eyes wide, desperate. " I was trying to protect..." she starts to say, and the words sound rote to the fighter.

" YOU WERE TRYING TO STOP YOUR GUILTY CONSCIENCE! " roars Jasper. Lapis Lazuli trembles, but rallies.

" That was... that doesn't count, I was cracked, I wasn't myself..." she stumbles out, "He's forgiven me, they have, they understand.." Jasper circles her like a tiger, looking for an opening.

" You've betrayed him over and over... "

"...stop...you..you.."

The large gem leans down. " Oh, I admit, I did _not_ make a good first impression either, but I wasn't headbutting a friend and savior. I was dealing with a life long enemy with mercy and restraint. " She gestures to the room at large. " I contained those gems, without a scratch. I didn't drown a boy who only wanted to _help_...." Lapis winces at each word, then slaps Jasper across the face, screaming "Shut! Up!"

Her wings were out now and she was above the large gem, prepared for the blow back, staying out of her grasping range. Jasper just crossed her arms staring her down, before a cruel smile comes to her lips.

" You know, so much happened after , I almost forgot why I wanted to fuse with you in the first place. When I came out of the rubble, the gems were mad. Fair enough. When you appeared, they were **_terrified_**. "

Lapis glares, and Jasper is hit with a slash of water. "YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! "

" I know that I was never the dangerous one. " says the red and orange gem grimly. " You just keep lying to yourself, Lazuli, but stay out of my way. "

Lapis lands, trembling with her own fury, and stands in front of the temple door. Pearl's gem lock lights up, and it slides open behind her. Coldly, she stares back at Jasper.

" You can talk all you want, Jasper, but at least I have someone important enough to feel guilty about, someone to care over. At least I'm trying. You're only loyal to yourself, and everyone here knows it. Who's lying to whom? "

The door shut in the warrior's face, and she clenches her fists. " You don't even begin to know about my loyalty, " she says to the empty room, her voice tight. No one comes until hours after the bitter tears stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha welcome to'Why I think Lapis is a terrible hero' 101
> 
> Don't worry Jasper is still trash too. 
> 
> Also, proudly going against the carnivorous Jasper trope since 2k16 thanks. 
> 
> I'm really grateful I've had a good kudos return, ♥♡♥ love every one of you, it brings me life.


	8. Jasper and the cool kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper needs some serious chill time and Steven has just the friends.

Jasper's anger had turned to grief, and then to a general feeling of emptiness that she filled with action to ignore. Her head felt strangely light and her motions mechanical when the gems returned after the party, Steven and Connie in tow for a sleepover, whatever that meant.

Connie did her hair and Steven read her a book and they dragged her into participating in a board game and finally the gem ended up as empty as before, looking up at the ceiling as two small bodies rested against her in innocent slumber.

She wondered what Pearl was doing. She wondered what Lapis was doing. She counted the soft snores. She waited for the sun to rise.

☆☆☆☆☆

The next day was worse. Connie left, and from what Jasper gathered from Steven, it might be a few weeks before they saw her again. The gems left for the barn for the last tests of their anti cluster weapon, and Jasper had dark suspicions about what transpired between Lapis and the others by the fact she wasn't asked to come along. She never had been before, but the warrior felt a distinct air of cooling towards her once more, a lack of trust. Instead, she was left to watch Steven.

Or, the Homeworld Gem assumes, Steven was actually watching her.

The large gem was sitting at the bottom of the stairs to the temple house while the human fusion was talking to her about something. She felt mildly guilty that she wasn't paying attention, but it was hard to focus through her dark mood. For all the ranting at Lapis the night before, all that happened was it made it more clear how little Jasper meshed with the rest of the gems.

They'd rather accept a gem who nearly killed them, one they'd clearly feared in the past, than Jasper. The warrior was useful cannon fodder in their upcoming skirmish, but nothing more. Even Connie's assessments from the night before rung hollow now to the miserable gem.

Scanning the beach, the gem spots a trio of humans approaching the house, and she sits up. Her golden eyes narrow as they approach the short hybrid gem, and Jasper suppresses a low growl. Steven seems much less concerned, and eagerly waves to the group. The fighter feels her natural tension lower, but still watches closely as they talk with the boy.

Jasper realises she can tell the humans apart, and feels obscure pride in this new ability. Steven, Connie and Greg were all distinct, but these three each had unique traits as well. even though they were close to the same size.

There was one with a visor like Garnet wears, and he seemed to be, like the fusion here, a defacto leader of sorts. Another was slender and pale like Pearl, but something about his voice reminded her a little of Peridot if she'd just calm down. The third was built more like a gem and she had a strident personality. She reminded Jasper a bit of Amethyst, but with a certain Pearl bossy streak. Exposure to the sagas and dramas Connie favoured had helped the gem with human identification, but even Connie admitted that often characters and actors could be quite samey. These humans were properly varied in shade and mane colour.

So fascinated was the gem in following the different humans that she nearly missed what they were saying, at least before Steven said in reply to what the one in the visor had asked.

"I can't, you guys, I have to stay here with Jasper..."

Running her hand through her mane, the fighting gem grouses, "I can't believe the gems are making you watch me. " She hadn't realized the group had heard her until Steven comes over and gives a leg a squeeze.

" No one made me watch you. I just wanted to stay here with you because you kinda seemed sad since the party. " says the young quartz , his caring expression making the striped gem feel guilty. She hadn't been aware he'd even noticed.

Steven went on, "Connie said you really didn't like most of the party stuff so much so we tried to cheer you up with the slumber party, but you still seem really down. " Now Jasper's starting to blush. She'd felt so stoney inside she hadn't even noticed the pair was going out of their way to shower her with affection. Humans. They could be so soft.

" Hey, why don't you come hang with Steven and us? " asks the feminine human, resting a hand on her hip and gesturing with her phone. The pale one nods. " Yeah, you don't seem like a narc. It'd suck if you had to just be all gross and staying here on the last day of summer break. "

"It's settled. You can come with us and Steven can come with you. " says the visor boy, his tone level. Jasper looks at Steven and feels a grin coming to her lips. He'd have fun with them, she expects, and she doesn't want to stand in the way of that. She's starting to understand how much the little fusion does for her.

"Sure. Could be fun, "she says, standing, and the cool kids look up in surprise.

"Damn, girlfriend, you're big!" says the girl, before she introduces herself as Jenny. The pale one was Sour Cream, who apparently wanted to be a dj, something that clearly had to do with music, and the one with the visor was Buck. Jasper decides she likes Sour Cream's name best, it was probably her favourite human name so far.

"I like your stripes. They're sick, " says Sour Cream, and Jasper has to assume that's a compliment. " Thanks. I like your hair style. " The boy grins and shoves his hands in his pockets. Jasper looks to Steven. " So, what's hanging involve? " The kid shrugs. "Doing whatever's fun! " he says.

" Yeah, but in a low key way, you know? " says Buck, as they walk back to Beach City, Jasper taking the side closest to the cliff. After last night, she was a little less jumpy about water, but it still wasn't something she wanted nearer to her than necessary.

The group talked amongst themselves about nothing in particular. They way they aired small grievances reminded the gem of her army life, listening to the various smaller fighting gems talk and complain. The sound was a pleasant background noise, and even Steven expressed a little of his worry about the cluster, which none of them understood but were all sympathetic towards, and his sadness about not seeing Connie, which brought about a more animated response.

"You should bring your girlfriend around, Steven, "says Buck, as Jenny seems particularly excited. Steven flushes , looking sheepish and rubbing his neck in a way Jasper now knows he gets from his human half, since Greg did that too. " We're just best buds, you know? Like you guys. "

The look the three gave each other literally went over Steven's head, and the Homeworld Gem files it away for later consideration.

Jasper had never actually seen Beach City up close. She'd viewed it from the lighthouse cliff, but the gem hadn't bothered to take the long route to get there; Jasper preferred using the cliff face for exercise. Her first impression was that the buildings looked even more transient then when viewed at a distance. Human fragility and shoddy construction, she supposes. She can't imagine any of them lasting a century.

The next was how small everything was. Clearly the scale the house Steven stayed in was a standard for humans. In the Homeworld, everything was scaled so that even a Diamond could move in main areas, though some places where a Diamond would never go were merely scaled for quartz. Jasper has to duck low to follow the group to their first destination as chosen by the Universe fusion.

" Hi Sadie! Hi Lars! " calls out Steven to the humans behind the counter and one immediately changes colour and reminds her of the time she saw Yellow Diamond's Pearl lose her temper at an Idocrase. The same fury well beyond status and caste.

As the other teens mill around, she hears the taller, angrier one hiss, "Steven , how could you bring them here where I work, are you _trying_ to embarrass me!?" Steven just smiles, like the quartz he is. Jasper admires how much that aspect of him is clear here. He's perfectly in control of the situation and the impotent annoyance of this human does nothing to him.

"Because Jasper hasn't been here before, it's super important, and we're hanging out with her! One round of donuts, please! "

"Oh, nice to meet you, Jasper. I'm Sadie" says the short one with the cheerfulness of a spinel. She starts bagging things up, and the warrior realises it's food. She's not great with food.

Something catches her eyes, and she places her hand on a cold panel. There's a bunch of items that remind her of the animal that occasionally appears at the house. The lion had first made Jasper uncomfortable and annoyed, but it seemed to leave her alone so she did the same. These food lions were Jasper's colours, and she liked that look better than pink. " I'd like one of these, actually, "she says, gesturing.

Steven looks aghast. " Lion Lickers? But they're gross. " Jasper chuckles. " I thought your hotdogs were unappetizing, runt, we probably just have different tastes. "

"They're pretty okay, I like the gumball eyes, " says Sadie, smiling. Buck adds, "I can get it for her, little dude. " Steven shrugs, muttering something about not being able to account for taste.

Jasper ended up with a satisfied look and a popsicle stick poking from her lips when they left. It did suit her tastes, cold and with a soft flavour and something fruity too. Gum was explained as something like food that you only had to chew but spit back out, and the Homeworld Gem makes a note to focus on that in the future. She isn't able to politely spit the ice cream back out until the group walks by a building and Jenny is stopped, letting the gem expel the liquid mess out of view.

Looking closely at the girl who stopped Jenny, she blinks. Jasper frowns. Her skills were faltering, this one didn't look any different than the Jenny with them did, except her hair wasn't as nicely done and her outfit looked terrible.

"What's with ugly top Jenny, " she mutters, and Sour Cream snorts, before saying, "They're twin sisters, but Kiki is a total buzz kill sometimes. She's always harshing on Jenny to , like, _work_ all the time. " Jasper crushes the gumballs in her teeth as she watches, displeased. She decides to flex some proverbial authority here, leaning over Jenny to give her sister a fangy smile with no humour.

" Are we about done here? Steven and the team here promised me a fun time and this isn't **fun**. " notes the gem, putting a little menace in it, but the other Jenny, the Kiki, doesn't look impressed or intimidated. She did back down though, saying , "I am not taking your shift tonight, Jenny, you have got to take the business more seriously! "

"Ugh, Kiki, I am not down for that good twin stuff, " says Jenny with a sigh, before nodding to the gem, "Come on , Jas, let's bounce. " Jasper decided nicknames were tolerable in small doses. Sour Cream holds up his hand, and it takes the Homeworld Gem a moment to remember Steven had shown her that. She pats hers to his. "Shut down, " says Buck, with a phantom of a smile.

Even Jenny was showing her appreciation in her own way. "Jas, you know what we should do? Get you some cool clothes. You're way too cool for this ...whatever it is they got you in. " Jasper chuckles. " It's a uniform, and I can't take it off. Besides, I don't think anything would be quartz sized here. " Jenny waves her hand.

" We can stick something over it. I'm thinking like a leather jacket..." she says. They turn down another street , and the teens pause in front of a store. Like any other building, it looks uncomfortably small, but Jenny shrugs and offers to bring some tops outside. "I shop here, like, all the time. They know I'm good. "

Sadly, Jasper was right. Even things that would go over her chest didn't have a prayer when it came to her arms. Jenny finally gasps and pulls out a large expanse of cloth. " Oh my god you guys, this might be the only time in history where this can be triple xl and TRUE! " The gem pulls it over her head and it's sleeveless, so it does fit, clinging to her rack a touch, which stretched out the letters. "What does it say? " she asks, holding the cloth out.

"Professional Beach Hunk. It means you're really handsome and muscular, " translates Steven for her, and Jasper grins. " I guess that's true, " she says, "But it seems a little dumb to wear? "

"Nu-uh, girlfriend, trust me, you make it work. If I wasn't taken, I'd date you in a _second_ , " says Jenny with clear approval. Jasper laughs, flattered in spite of herself.

" So you three _are_ dating. " She'd learned the word from various human fiction, it was focused attention on a compatable partner that you wished to be intimate with. Buck silently nods, but Steven doesn't see, instead laughing and saying, "It's not like that, they're just friends who hang out. " Jenny shrugs as she looks at Buck.

Sour Cream is distracted, and holds up something with clear reverence. "You guys! " It was a baseball cap with RAD in bold letters across the front, and with the snaps pulled to the max and closed over her pony tail, Sour Cream assures her she was the picture of beyond ironic chill, which was more of his flattering nonsense language. She glances at her reflection in the store window. The look wasn't bad, she supposes. She smiles, and can see Steven grinning too.

" Having fun? " he asks, and the gem nods, causing him to squeal and give her a hug. She pets his back. The Homeworld Gem was really enjoying herself. The humans weren't demanding and their quiet approval felt nice.

Luckily for her head and back, a key aspect of hanging out involved not actually going inside of buildings if you could lean on them. The trio and Steven hung around outside another store, while they talked about nothing some more. After a while, the group started to ask her about herself, and when Buck assured the gem that this was a no judgement zone, the gem talks, trying to keep her language to things they would understand.

She talked about her difficulty with Lapis, and how much it bothered her that she was getting along so well with Pearl. Inside her head, Jasper realises it's making them sound like former lovers, but supposes to a human that was probably close enough.

Even Steven is surprised by some of this. " I thought maybe you were getting along better, " he says, and she shrugs. " And just because Pearl is friends with her, doesn't mean she's not friends with you. " The striped warrior sighs. There's no way to get into it, not without getting into why she felt Lapis was just... bad. And the fusion wouldn't want to hear that.

" So, this girl you were with that was really bad for you is staying with this other girl you like? And you have to share the same house? That's rough, Jasper. I feel for you, " says Buck with a small frown. "Harsh, man, " says Sour Cream, squeezing her arm. Jenny nods , her lips tight.

They stay silent for a bit, and Jasper appreciates that. She's not feeling much better about the situation, but it's a relief to have people who'll just listen and take her side, with no accusations or recriminations. Sure, they didn't know her, but they decided she was cool, and it was nice, being part of the cool kids.

☆☆☆☆☆

The sun has set by the time they're heading back. Jenny has reluctantly decided to actually do her shift, if only to keep her sister off her case, and Sour Cream has to help his mother with supper. Buck notes he'll swing by Sour Cream's place, leaving Steven and Jasper to walk back to the beach house after they part at the pizza place.

" Sooooo, what did you think? " asks Steven, his voice hopeful and expectant.

"That made me feel a lot better. Thank you for staying back, little quartz, "she says, ruffling his hair. She considers, and sighs. " Don't tell anyone about what I talked about with them, okay? It's private. " Steven nods and makes a zipping motion over his lips. Jasper scoops him up and he crows as she places him on her shoulder.

As they approach the house, the door slams back, and Jasper's surprised to see Pearl there. "Steven! We were so worried, we came back and we couldn't find you two..."

Garnet pushes past politely. " Pearl was worried. Nice outfit. " Jasper smirks.

" Did you two have fun? " asks the fusion, as Jasper hands Steven off to her. She's bemused to see him flop over her head like he does with the warrior.

Shrugging, the Homeworld Gem strokes Pearl over her head as she moves past her to go to the house, causing a surprised blush. Even seeing Lapis Lazuli in the main room did little to dampen her spirit. She was the professional hunk here, after all. Jasper meets her scowl with a grin, and sits down. She felt alive.

" It was a good day. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Low key poly cool kids forever! 
> 
> This wasn't originally going to be the next chapter, but I seriously wanted Jasper to have a nice day. There's a lot of bad stuff coming up, plus, I totally wanted to put her in that outfit. 
> 
> It makes me smile every time I picture her.


	9. Chrysocolla

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper trains a pair of smolls

"I'm sorry, Jasper, but I'm really too busy to spar with you today."

Pearl is staring at Greg's vehicle , a small frown on her thin lips. She shakes her head with a sigh, turning to the human, "I realize you need this to get around, but we're really at a crucial time on the cluster project, can't this wait?" she asks the man with a sound of barely contained frustration.

Jasper is feeling frustrated herself. Her talk with the trio of humans a few days ago, while doing nothing immediately to alter her issues at the household, had spurred her to be more proactive in her pursuit of Pearl, Lapis be damned. She wasn't sure what to do yet, but she was sure nothing would ever be done if she never had any alone time with the gem. The fighter grumbles louder than she'd planned, and Pearl turns that annoyance on her for a moment.

"If you're that bored, why don't you use some of that training and teach Amethyst some quartz moves?" she says tartly. "In the arena, away from my work and underfoot. " Amethyst peeks put from under the van, grinning broadly, and Pearl pushes her with a foot.

" Go, you're worse than Lion!"

Jasper groans internally. Stars, it was Kindergarten training all over again. She didn't relish teaching someone who could burp the alphabet and whom she wasn't allowed to poof for insubordination. Standing, she sighs, gesturing.

" Come on, runt, let's get out of here. " She knows when she's not wanted.

Amethyst trots after her in a way that reminds her of a ruby, if she wasn't also so clearly a deformed little quartz. Quartz had a lot more variety than many other gems. They weren't as rare and unique as Sapphire and Lapis and Bixbite , but they weren't common and uniform like a Peridot or Ruby or Obsidian. Amethysts tended to be , along with Citrine, the more uniform of the types, though there were always variations in shade, shape and size was consistent. Which made Amethyst's height all the more unnerving. It was like walking into a familiar room to find everything rotated out of position.

Jasper was slowly getting accustomed to Amethyst, but it didn't help that she tended to hang around Peridot, whom the warrior spent months seeing as over a foot taller than she actually was. This was less of a disconnect to the striped gem, though. Jasper had seen many Peridot over the years and only recently, in the last five hundred or so had the limb enhancers and view screens become common.

The pair together did often fire persistent, nagging messages in her hindbrain of 'too small! '

So of course, as they approached the warp pad, Amethyst calls out, "Hey Peri! Imma fight with Jasper, wanna come? " The pointed head of the gem in question pokes out from the bathroom.

" Amethyst, this is highly inadvisable! " squeaks the green scientist, her eyes wide with shock. Jasper rolls her eyes and sighs, rubbing just above her gem with finger and thumb. This was already going so well. At least, she thinks, her former charge recognized her prowess in battle though.

"Pearl asked me to train with her, we're not _fighting_. " Jasper says, her patience with this exercise already growing thin. Peridot sighs, and steps out of the bathroom, looking relieved.

" Oh good. I realise I've allied myself with the Crystal Gems, but I would still feel uncomfortable with seeing you hurt, Jasper. "

The face the fighter makes to that is indescribable.

" I. Am. Training. HER ." the angry quartz growls out through gritted teeth, over the laughter of Amethyst. She runs a large hand over her eyes. Perfect.

In the end, Peridot follows them to the arena, and it's clear by her reaction she'd never been there before. The green gem is torn between a fascination with the 'primitive' artifacts and a terror that the broken arena would give up the ghost and finally collapse.

Jasper feels slightly offended by the primitive designation, six thousand years old was hardly _primitive_! But as she and her former fusion partner knew, Homeworld had made some radical changes, after the war.

"The stones are self sustaining, if the rubble floating around out there is still up we don't have to worry about the arena anytime soon, " she reassures Peridot, gently but firmly pushing her into a bleacher seat to discourage her from wandering to poke an obelisk while violence was going on around her.

Amethyst is practically bouncing on her heels, eager to get started, a large grin on her face. In spite of herself, Jasper feels a twinge of happy remembrance. The striped warrior had many roles in her life, and before the war proper started, when her fighting skills were needed most, she'd been assigned training duty for Kindergarten emergences.

She'd seen more of Earth in the early invasion than most gems.

Like trained like back then, and she'd shown herself to be a surprisingly adaptive warrior, so they gave her Jaspers at first, but soon she'd taken it upon herself to spread her skills to other quartz too. Amethysts, now they could be impulsive...

" Right. Show me what you got, shorty. " she says, and when the whip appears and is flying at her, Jasper intentionally catches it on her arm, feeling the bite of the spikes as it wraps around her flexed bicep. With an smirk, Jasper grabs, using it to fling Amethyst into a pillar. She relaxes her muscles and shakes the weapon off, hands out to guide the return charge of the short Quartz and flip her hard on her back, using her momentum against her.

Resting a broad foot on the lavender gem's chest, Jasper chuckles dryly. " You've never fought a gem before we arrived, hmmm? I suppose Lapis Lazuli, but..."

"I fought plenty of gems, " Amethyst growls at her, trying to lift her foot off.

"Corruptions. Monsters. The war was over when they found you. You never had to fight anything that thought." Jasper watches Amethyst give her a grumpy glare. " Throwing everything at them might work, but you need more than that. You need to use your brain. "

The Homeworld Gem lifts her foot and moves back as Amethyst gets up and brushes her heavy lilac mane from her eyes. Charging in, just throwing your muscle around was what gems like her, and Jasper, were supposed to do. Even now, the striped quartz is slightly ashamed she'd allowed Garnet to wind her up on the ship and cause so much collateral damage. She didn't want Amethyst to make the same mistake.

"You just said it works, why change it? It's not like I'm going to be fighting _you_. " says the young quartz, peevishly. Though her face didn't change expression from her stern look, internally Jasper's shocked at the casual sincerity of the words. She hadn't expected Amethyst to express such clear faith in her.

But this was bigger than her.

" Do you honestly think that when we kill the cluster, that'll be the end of it? Yellow Diamond will take this personally, she already has, and she will send more than an inexperienced scientist and a relic of a war veteran next time to this mud ball!"

As they sparred, Jasper countered each move with hardly a thought. Garnet had been tough, Pearl was cunning but Amethyst was a mess. The warrior attempts to give her trainee advice, directing options on how to break through her defense, but to the Homeworld Gem's frustration, Amethyst seems to be deliberately choosing anything but what the former teacher was suggesting.

" Slag it, Amethyst, if you keep throwing yourself at me like some sort of pyrite I will poof you and you can reflect on the importance of tactics while you reform! " barks Jasper as she flips a spin attack aside. She never appreciated the value of terminal failure for Kindergarten gems who refused training before. There was nothing she could do to make the Crystal Gem listen.

Peridot had been watching with interest, cheering indiscriminately as far as Jasper could determine. Little green menace had some blood lust in her. A pity she'd probably never get to enjoy an arena fight.

"Might I make a suggestion? " chirps the scientist now, holding a hand out. Jasper rolls her eyes and growls. " Sure, listen to the computer repair gem, not the combat veteran, " she mutters, looking aside.

A flash of light causes her to look back, and Jasper is already dodging before she sees the new fusion heading at her.

Oh sod it!

The combination gem was a bluish green, her body slender and covered in an oversized shirt over a body suit and a matching sweat band for reasons unknown. Examining the head, her pointed chin was absolutely Peridot, with Amethyst's eyes in purple and her thick lips. The wild hair was streaked in greens and blues and lilacs, a veritable lion mane around the grinning face, Peridot's visor reduced to a pair of glasses with small, circular lenses. The concession to Amethyst's physicality appeared to be the hips, though they were especially broad to contain four legs. Overall, they were about Garnet sized, which was a small relief. Jasper didn't want to go up against something like Alexandrite again.

The gem fusion pulls out Amethyst's whip and Peridot's bombs, and they merge into a bolas. Jasper easily dodges the weapon with a jump, watching it wrap around a pillar before exploding. Without pausing, and full of giggling, nervous energy, the fusion jumps from pillar to pillar before diving for the striped gem, over shooting and tumbling along the marble.

Jasper turns quickly to grab the fusion by her shirt and barely catches her when she slips out into clear air. Putting her weight into it, the Homeworld Gem flips the combo gem over her head and back onto the arena floor, before pinning her with a snarl.

" UNFUSE NOW! " she roars at the turquoise fusion. There appears to be a moment of struggle before the pair pops apart. Her hands are around each of their necks now, holding them down. Peridot looks panicked, and Amethyst angry. Jasper can imagine which one listened to that particular order.

"What in _shards_ were you thinking!?" she snarls at the green gem, who starts to struggle in her grip, her eyes wide. Jasper felt brittle in her fury and fears, her claws tightening around Peridot's throat.

" You're hurting her! " cries a voice, Amethyst's, and Jasper immediately jerks her hand back, eyes wide. This planet was getting to her, she was loosing her grip. She frowns.

" Sorry..." she says, her voice lower, and she takes a calming breath.

" But that's still no excuse, you don't have any control in that fusion, you're far too brittle and you nearly died! " That was a terrifying moment for Jasper, but she shouldn't have taken her terror out on the little gem.

Amethyst snorts. " I'm pretty sure I can survive a drop. "

Jasper glares at her. " Did you even think if _Peridot_ could? Peridots fragment easily! " Peridot was rubbing her neck, cowed, and when Amethyst is let up she immediately goes and wraps her thick arms around the green gem, glaring at Jasper.

Jasper stands and frowns. " Fusing with a gem with no combat experience, Amethyst? It's not enough to be stronger or faster, you have to be able to _use_ it and how can you work together if she doesn't even know how to fight apart?"

"Yeah, yeah , we get it, you hate fusion, " says the little quartz, sullen, and Jasper sighs.

" It's not about that. " The large gem squats down and runs a hand over Amethyst's thick hair, the lavender gem swatting it away with a glare.

" Amethyst, I've trained a lot of gems. I've lead a lot of gems into battle. And I've seen a lot of good gems destroyed. And every time, I ask myself what I could have done differently, to keep them safe, to bring them back at the end of the fight." She rests a hand on each of the little gems' heads, and they both allow it now.

" Peridot, I'll teach you self defense, and Amethyst, I'll show you how to control your speed attacks better, but **promise** me you'll only fuse if you have to when we go up against the cluster. " Jasper forces her voice not to crack. They were so small. How many little jades and little rubies had she lost?

Peridot nods first, her respect for Jasper still strong. Amethyst agrees after seeing the green gem do so, and to Jasper's mild surprise, the scientist gives the violet fighter a quick kiss, causing her to blush. Jasper coughs and looks away. " Going native, I see, " she says, smirking, but she gets up.

" Kiss your girlfriend after. Now, I want you both to try and hit me. Peridot, just go all out. Amethyst, keep your eyes on Peridot and try and find ways to trip me up so she can nail me. Ready? "

This training was a lot more enjoyable for the three of them, and it only ended when the sun set and the moon rose and the other Crystal Gems appeared. And then, only after they'd been an appreciative audience under the lunar light, watching the trio duck and dodge and jab and laugh against the starry backdrop of the night.

It was so beautiful, Jasper could almost forget there was a war coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Chrysocolla, my manic fusion baby! I'm conceding to the shipping chart hint that Peridot and Amethyst might not make the most stable of fusions, and I feel their energy and immaturity would be why. 
> 
> I'd been struggling with how to introduce her, and what the next chapter should be, so thanks to my dearest Veta for suggesting Jasper doing training. I was able to include so many things that I wasn't sure how to incorporate into the story.
> 
> Jasper really needs a little control herself, sometimes. 
> 
> Peridot's bombs, you ask?  
> It's not clear what her weapon will be, but she has been seen to use explosives and it's not clear if they came from her gem or were just stored there. Either way, it seems as good an option as any.


	10. To the Barn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper is allowed access to the barn, but nearly destroys her chance before it starts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in one day! Make sure you have read the previous chapter "Chrysocolla" if you're just looking at the latest and assuming that's all that's new.

The next morning, Jasper decides it's time to confront her semi captors about her status in the group. Even after the slip up with Peridot, the Homeworld Gem feels she's more than proven herself enough of an ally to be allowed access to the cluster weapon project.

When she asks gruffly why they were allowing every other gem, as well as a few humans to have access to the barn, and not her, the group, baring Lapis,appears a mixture of surprised and puzzled.

Pearl looks around the group before looking back at Jasper. " We weren't _intentionally_ keeping you from it. You just seemed very uncomfortable with everywhere on Earth we took you to. I suppose we all assumed you would just be more comfortable here? "

"Every place we visited was somewhere I fought a battle. It was morbid, Pearl. " Pearl flushes slightly, and Jasper feels a small pang of guilt. She should have put that less bluntly. And to be honest, had you asked her before she left Homeworld, and some did, if returning to the battlefields on this hunk of dirt would bother her, she would have said no. She HAD said no, and meant it.

Had being trapped in Malachite warped her? Or was it her time with Pearl, the feelings it awoke and the memories it brought back, that was softening her to the horrors around her, preventing her from remaining professional.

Her only loyalty was supposed to be to her Diamond, and for centuries she'd been able to pretend that was true. But on the battlefield, your loyalties were to your team, your friends. Destroy the enemy before they could take those constant companions away from you was a goal that inspired when leaders failed.

She wondered if she could find that inspiration again. At least for one gem.

Cutting into the dour mood with her trademark inability to read the room, Peridot pipes up, "You're such a clod about technology , I personally felt it was best you stayed here. You did break the ship, after all."

" In a _battle_ , Peridot, you escape pod using coprolite!"

Peridot sticks her tongue out at the warrior and Jasper frowns fiercely in return to little effect. Perhaps familiarity was breeding contempt, or perhaps it was because she was sitting in Amethyst's lap. The Homeworld Gem had her suspicions that the pair had been... very affectionate for some time, and had been avoiding showing her. But yesterday had made it unmistakable, so she imagines they're making up for lost time. The other gems seem untroubled, barring Lapis, who was making a slightly annoyed face.

When the blue gem sees Jasper observing her, she says, in what the fighter considers a theatrically sweet tone, "Well, _I_ certainly don't mind if she joins us! " Steven gives her a thumb's up, and she suspects the young quartz has asked Lapis Lazuli to be nicer to her. The fake slag is certainly putting on the show of it. Once again, Jasper's the bad guy, she thinks, the mean grump who can't just forgive nice sweet Lapis.

Still, it meant she wasn't actually being excluded, and to show extra willing of her own, she carries Steven in the crook of an arm. The little fusion delighted even as he insisted he could walk on his own. Jasper smirks at Peridot as she trotted in front of them, offering to help with her stubby leg issue and carry her as well, but the green gem was less than impressed.

" Normally we use the father's moving contrivance, but it's apparently surrendered a ghost, which is silly earth superstition. " the scientist primly informs her.

"Given up the ghost, P-Dot, " says Amethyst with a laugh, "It just means it's super broken forever."

Jasper jumps a little when her arm is brushed. Looking over to the side Steven is not being carried on, swinging his short legs, she sees Pearl has joined her. " I'm sorry about yesterday. " the delicate fencer says, smiling slightly. Jasper quickly shakes her head.  " Don't worry about it. " Glancing at the boy she's carrying , Jasper makes a mute gesture with her head and eyes,  trying to convey now would be a great time to use his legs. Steven immediately gives her a thumbs up and hops down, running over to walk with Garnet instead.

Pearl laughs softly. " He's so full of energy. " she says, her arms crossed over her chest. Jasper nods. " He's a real quartz, in spite of his size. "

"Is that how you see him?" asks Pearl, but there wasn't any judgement in her tone, just curiosity. Jasper shakes her head, watching the boy as he talked to the group's other fusion.

" I might have seen him as a deformed quartz before Malachite, but I almost lost myself in her. Now I just see him as a Steven. Quartz human fusion with his own mind. Though he does take after his father. " Pearl laughs. " Physically, I suppose. He has so much of Rose's kind spirit. "

" Greg is pretty gentle too. I see a lot of his mannerisms in Steven. Besides, I never personally saw Rose Quartz's good side. For obvious reasons. " Jasper chuckles to herself.

Pearl and her walk in silence for a minute, each smiling a secret smile. The winding road from Beach City gave what should be a beautiful view of the ocean, but Jasper moves to be closest to the cliff face, practically rubbing her shoulder.

" It must be hard on you, being surrounded by water, " says Pearl. Jasper glances over and sees those pale blue eyes watching her. "You're pretty observant. " she replies, not wanting to outright confirm her weakness.

" So are you, you know. " says Pearl, laughing. " I can see you watching everything. Taking it all in." Jasper feels heat in her cheeks, and she resolutely stares ahead. Had Pearl known she was watching her as much as she does? The fighter doesn't dare ask.

"Not all quartz are punching machines , " the Homeworld Gem says, and Pearl snorts. " Consider who I fought for, Jasper. I'm the last gem to think quartz are stupid. " The tiger striped warrior gives her a fangy smile.

" Don't you know? Rose Quartz is an anomaly, according to Homeworld. Clearly gems like her aren't meant to be leaders. " Jasper laughs, a little bitterness creeping in. Pearl looks angry and offended, and the fighter says, quickly and quietly , "Believe me, I know better. I respected your leader. You saw the cape, the look when I came off of the ship? I don't have any real control, I'm just first among soldiers. I might have command here but the second a proper court gem arrives, I'd have to do everything they say. "

"You're not really going to _fight_ us, are you? " asks Pearl, softly. Jasper avoids her eyes.

"Our goals are the same. I'm not following Homeworld's script, if you're worried about that, and I'm not following Yellow Diamond's orders, nor do I want to. It was just an example. They wouldn't see intelligence, just muscle. Like _muscle_ would have survived six thousand years of wars. Clods. "

As long as the Crystal Gems don't ask her to betray herself, at least. Jasper doesn't make promises that would require other gems to keep.

" What did I say? Only loyal to yourself, " comes a far too familiar voice, and for a moment Jasper wonders if it's in her head. Her dark thoughts had a habit of sounding like Lapis Lazuli. But there the blue gem is, linking her arm with Pearl's as she insinuates herself between the pair.

" _Lapis_ , " says Pearl, her tone warning, and Jasper glances to see Steven far too far ahead to hear all that. Lapis frowns at Pearl , gesturing, and Jasper's lip curls when their skin brushes. Her growl starts, low, like a dog on a chain. Don't do this, Lazuli.

" You saw how careful she was not to imply she won't hurt you all. "

Jasper feels her heat rising. Her hair fluffs out. Her nape pricks. She tries to keep the feelings pressed down, those crawling sensations, the little aggressions from Lapis every day. Breathe. Breathe, keep it together.

"You're big on bringing up betrayal, Jasper, I guess you figure it doesn't count if you never were a friend at a--"

Grabbing the all too tiny gem, Jasper slams her into the cliff. There's a cracking sound.

"Jasper, NO!"

☆☆☆☆☆

Steven managed to repair the damage to the ocean gem's stone again, and the rest of the journey to the barn was conducted in two groups. Garnet, Peridot, Jasper and Amethyst in front, Lapis, Pearl and Steven at the back

The look of disappointment Steven gave her cut Jasper more than she wanted to admit. The walk for the front quartet was done in silence, after Garnet tersely cut short commentary from the less tactful gems. For her part, the fusion' s demeanor didn't noticeably change. The warrior could never read her.

Her enjoyment of finally seeing the drill was soured by knowing she'd damaged her reputation by that incident. Peridot showed her around, explained the work, the plan, and Jasper listened mutely. Green bruises marred her throat. Jasper tries not to notice and think about her previous failing.

She can't come undone, not now, not when it was so close.

Then Jasper just watched. Watched the group working together, the tensions from before slowly fading away from them all, and herself as well. She apologized quietly to Steven for losing her temper, though he pointed out she had to say sorry to Lapis, she can't yet. The fighter won't lie.

She watched Peridot and Amethyst fuse into the gem she's learned is called Chrysocolla, only to see her get yelled at for breaking a part by Garnet. The pair grumpily separates, and Jasper ruffles Amethyst's hair when she walks past. "What did I tell you, you two need control. "

"You're one to talk, pitbull, " snaps Amethyst, still angry, and she storms away. Jasper can tell it was an insult by context. The warrior sighs. "Ugh."

Garnet looks at her. Rather, Garnet turns her head to face her and Jasper assumes she's looking at her. " Let's talk. "

The pair walks away, around the barn, out of view. Jasper feels exactly like she does when she's about to get a dressing down from a superior. So the first words out of Garnet's mouth surprise her.

" Still want to fight me? "

Jasper frowns, and considers before she answers. "Not today, no. At some time, it might be fun. " That seems to be the right answer, and the fusion smiles. " I thought you wanted to fight me to get back your honour for losing to two weak gems. " The tiger striped gem chuckles ruefully.

" I'm not saying I don't want a rematch. But after the cluster. "

" I'm worried about you. "

That was even more of a shock, and Jasper frowns when she considers it more fully. Of course, worried she might hurt a gem.

Garnet continues, her voice low. "This temper seems to be part of a deeper problem. Don't think I haven't noticed Peridot. Or what the cabin looked like after the beach party. "

"Lapis started this one. ..," Jasper says, and immediately feels foolish. It made her sound fresh from the kindergarten, not the mature gem she is. Garnet rests a hand on her shoulder.

" I know all about keeping things in, Jasper. But if you do want to share, I'll gladly listen. "

The Homeworld Gem huffs, shaking her head. " Not now and not you, but thanks. "

Garnet nods. " I can respect that. I don't want to see you hurting, you know. Nor do I want to see you take things too far. Today came close." She pulls down her glasses for a moment to look Jasper in the eyes. "Consider that your warning. But talk to Pearl, at least. "

Jasper blushes and immediately looks away. " Did you know we'd get along when you threw us together? I thought it was to demoralize me at first. "

" I wanted show you how things work on Earth. I'd _hoped_ you'd become close , but I can only make educated guesses. There's always a chance I'm wrong. " Garnet smiles. "Seems I was right. And Pearl needed it as much as you. " That was a warming thought.

"Do you lose yourself, in there? " Jasper asks. She'd wondered, wondered if that's what made Garnet so silent so often.

"That's toxic fusion. Proper fusion is being together and more than together. I'm still them, and me too. Lapis had no right to force you like that. "

Jasper laughs, "Don't you mean I forced her? "

" If you'd beaten us, would you have separated? "

"Of course!"

"Even feeling how powerful you were?" Jasper frowns , her brows furrowed.

" Believe it or not, yes. I did that because I thought it was the only way not to lose everything. "

Garnet nods. "What you did wasn't a good fusion, but I believe you. I don't think you'd even consider using it like she did. And for all that it helped us, I'm angry that's what happened to you. It was wrong. I'm furious it's ruined what could be a good thing." The striped gem is amazed to hear the passion in Garnet's otherwise calm voice.

Jasper shrugs. "I'm strong enough as it is. " But she remembers the taunt. Mad because she was single. Garnet wasn't as far off as Jasper'd have liked to have thought. Still, it meant something that this gem at least didn't see her as a pure villain, and the warrior admits Garnet had the most reason to of all the Crystal Gems, baring Steven. Jasper might not have a lot of respect for fusion or the little gems that made up this being but she had more and more for their tall, silent offspring.

The Homeworld Gem holds up her fist, knuckles out. Garnet smiles at the other gem, making her gauntlet appear before gently tapping knuckles.

" Good talk. " the proper fusion says in her rich voice. Jasper smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not quite as fluffy as I intended but sometimes the characters just write themselves. 
> 
> Garnet is cool mom, always. 
> 
> Finally a bit of Jaspearl in a Jaspearl fic, I know right? It's really about them, not Jasper's Adventures in Punching Things.
> 
>  
> 
> _____
> 
> Post Super Watermelon Island note:
> 
> this was before they'd revealed that there was a warp pad to the barn, and I've included it in a much later chapter (foolishly I forgot how much of my earlier story made not having the pad a thing) but can't really rewrite the scene here.


	11. Shipping and receiving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot and Amethyst share their shipping theories.

When Jasper returns to the group, she finds Peridot and Amethyst waiting. The green gem looks particularly eager for some reason, almost gleeful. Garnet glances at the jumping bean of a gem and flicks her nose gently. "Calm yourself. " she says with a smile, walking off and leaving Jasper even more puzzled than usual.

The striped gem glances from her to the tiny pair and frowns. Well, at least Amethyst wasn't looking angry at her anymore. "What's this about, exactly?" she asks, tilting her head and crossing her arms.

Peridot gets the smug look on her face she tended to when she felt she was undeniably correct, so generally speaking, her normal expression when talking with others. There was an added air of delight though. " I cannot help but observe you two appear to be smiling and much more relaxed after your, " she makes little gestures with her fingers, like double claws, " _private session_. "

Blinking slowly at the grinning visage, Jasper turns to Amethyst, who has a smirk on her lips. "Translation? "

" Peri here thinks you and Garnet are destined to be a couple. " says Amethyst, crossing her arms over her chest and rolling her eyes.

" _What!?_ " Jasper' s forehead wrinkles and she looks at the eager green face gazing up at her. "I don't know if anyone told you but Garnet IS a couple. And we just talked. About fusion...Oh for the love of Homeworld not like _that!_ " Peridot had started squealing when she said that.

The warrior turns to her tiny quartz counterpart. " Amethyst, can you calm your girlfriend down? Or shove her in a hole, something. " The purple gem laughs. " Naw, trust me, she's cute but basically impossible. She's got a thing about two tough guys together, being hot. "

"It's an inevitable conclusion! Two powerful beings, each masterful fighters displaying brute force on the field of battle, letting the atmosphere of such energizing times lead them to..."

"Oh my stars , I did not squeeze you hard enough yesterday. No. This is not a thing going on with Garnet and I. I'm only just sort of starting to possibly like the fusion. We're not going to be a _couple_. " The sly smirk on Peridot's face shows none of this was really registering and the little researcher was filtering this all through the lens of her internal story.

"Yeah, P-Dot, she's obviously got the hots for Pearl. " The casual statement from Amethyst took her by surprise, and before she can collect herself, Jasper can feel her face going a deep, intense saffron and ruby.

The lilac gem points and Jasper quickly looks away, scowling. Elbowing Peridot, Amethyst crows, "See?! You owe me a soda, told you she was all about Pearl. " Peridot looks annoyed.

" That doesn't mean anything, it's merely a side distraction. Besides, we both aquire soda from Steven's fridge, it was a pointless bet. "

" She _is_ a lovely gem and an excellent fighter. " says Jasper carefully. " And I'm not entirely sure, but I think Garnet expected me to have... a certain interest in Pearl, she put us together, so as for your insane theory... "

Peridot makes a strangled sound of frustration and storms off, ranting, " Why don't any gems understand what's ideal for them!?"

Amethyst gives the huge fighter a sly look. " So, you and Pearl, huh? "

Jasper growls, "Don't you start, There's no me and Pearl. We just spar. That's all. "

Amethyst pffts, grinning. " Whatever, dude. You're the one who called her _looovely_ " She smooshes her cheeks and says that in a sing song voice, fluttering her lashes. Jasper lightly steps on her face, rolling her eyes.

"Stop it. Pearls were made to look gorgeous. It's not exactly unusual. "

Squirming out from the boot, Amethyst won't stop grinning, wagging her eyebrows. " So, what, you had a thing for pearls back home? Little smexy harem? "

" No, of course not. I didn't even pay attention to them at home. Not my type, "

Amethyst is now the one looking smug. " So it's just our Pearl who looks lovely. " Jasper sputters, and then sighs, running her hand over her face.

"How did you figure this out, anyway?" The purple quartz snorts and shakes her head. "Jasper, do you even realise how much time in a day you spend looking at Pearl's butt? It's like she's got the secrets of life written on her ass. Though, good taste, it's a great butt. "

Jasper groans, covering her eyes. It's not like she means to, she just enjoys watching Pearl being Pearl, but doesn't want to be staring when Pearl can see that. Also, it was a nice bottom. Clearly, though, she hadn't been as careful as she should have been.

"It's irrelevant. All we actually do is spar. And not even that often, right now. "

Amethyst shrugs. " You should give it a shot sometime. What's the worst that could happen? And, I'm just gonna say, you're checking her out but she's also finding a lot of reasons to be facing away bent over when you're around. Like, unnatural a lot. You pervs were meant to be. " She starts to laugh as Jasper grabs her and tries to cover her mouth.

" No! No, you're not going to be a Peridot about this. ..Gah! You _licked_ my _hand_ , you brat! " The fighter drops the runt, wiping off the spit on her pants with a look of disgust.

Amethyst quickly moves out of reach, sticking her tongue out.

Jasper grumbles, but can't stop a slight smile from coming to her lips. " Fine. Maybe I'll test the waters later. But not today. "

Amethyst quickly nods, "Not today, but , y'know, don't take forever, right?" The warrior shrugs. Both Amethyst and Garnet seemed to see the potential for something, and they knew Pearl far better than she did.

She looks across the field to see Pearl working with Lapis and Peridot. The question was, of course, were they right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A much shorter chapter, but I was having trouble working this scene into the next one so I decided to cut it off on its own. 
> 
> I laugh a lot when I write Amethyst and Peridot. I really have to just do a story with them and Jasper is such a good straight man.


	12. Changing winds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst was wrong.

The chilly tang in the air surprised the Homeworld Gem. It had been so long since she'd had to live through the capricious nature of Earth, the changing seasons a source of delight for Steven but catching Jasper off guard. It felt like a threat , brought to them by the very soil and wind. Time was passing too quickly.

The gems had stayed at the barn overnight, and Jasper learned they had been doing so before her arrival. Jasper had been a weight on the team, and the orange gem feels regret , for rising to Lapis, for risking everything. They were so close, but would it be just too late?

Thick fingers comb over the grass, leaving furrows. The ground stinks of life. Jasper pulls her hand up and jumps as a flash of colour catches her eyes. Yelping, the gem quickly flicks her wrist. The fragment flicks away and now she can see it's just a fleck of glass, not a shard. The fighter can feel the weight of the dead on her shoulders. She can't afford to get distracted, not until they'd been avenged.

" Getting an early start, Jasper? " comes a smooth, teasing voice, but it's not the voice of a witch, but an angel. Golden eyes turn to see pale azure ones. Jasper slowly gets up, unfolding herself and looking at Pearl. Her face blank. They hadn't spoken since yesterday, not after the incident. Pearl had comforted Lapis, stayed with her.

Yet both the runt and the fusion seemed to feel there was something more than just tolerance from her?

"Sorry about yesterday," says Jasper, and her voice sounds suddenly too loud in her own ears. The earth was never quiet, and the birds had started their commotion long before the sun rose, but the Homeworld Gem had been introspective most of yesterday evening.

Pearl sighs, slender fingers running up and down her crossed arms. She was uncomfortable, Jasper could see that easily. The striped gem is starting to understand the changing seasons of the pale former servant. "I should be apologizing. I should have tried harder to stop Lapis. I know she can get in these moods, I _understand_ her, but I ... "

Jasper snarls, "No one controls me but _me_ , Pearl. " The quirk of a smile from the slim gem, the arch of her pale brow, it nearly stops Jasper short, but she plows on. " You didn't make me try to break her in half. So just stop. "

Pearl laughs, quick and brittle. " I just don't know how we're all going to manage with this...this cluster. "Jasper feels the crawling sensations under her skin mirroring what the wretched monster was probably doing under the crust below them.

"We will. " says the warrior, quickly and decisively. Pearl sighs, rubbing her temples. " I hope so, but we're all coming apart at the seams. We're not a team, we're a squabble waiting to happen. "

Jasper feels her fingers flutter at her side. Slowly, she reaches out and lightly strokes along one of Pearl's arms. The skin feels cool, smooth.  Perfection.  " You're just worrying yourself. Lapis and I don't get along, but we're all together on this. " The slender gem felt so fragile. She could snap this bone in her hand.

Pearl wasn't pulling away. Her trembling seemed to still. Jasper moves infinitesimally closer. " We're a decent team. I've worked with a lot worse, lead worse. " No distractions, but Pearl was here, and Pearl needed to be strong. She needed Jasper to be strong.

She was cracked. This was cracked. But she can't do this without Pearl. She closes the slight distance between them, and Jasper's arms wrap around the slender gem, holding her as delicately as anything she's ever touched.

Jasper is reminded of a time deep in her past. A ruby in tears, terrified of the fight. Normally she'd have just sneered and walked away, but they'd lost so much. It was hard being brave forever. She sat with the ruby on her lap until the tears stopped. Told her she, Jasper, would make sure she returned safe. Laughed. The gem's bravado rubbed off, and soon they were wrestling and the little soldier was smiling. They went out, prepared for glory.

Jasper never even found her shards. They were under a field of strawberries now, drowning in juice, she imagines.

The fighter feels Pearl tense, and she's ready to let go, but then the reedy gem melts into her. Slender arms wrap loosely around Jasper's waist, and there's a soft sigh. The striped gem feels a tiny thread of tension unwinding.

" There, that's better, " Jasper says, her voice low and soft, using the same tone she did when she found one those sea bird things tangled on the beach and had to calm it to get it free.  Pearl gives another shakey laugh, before sighing.

" I didn't know you had a soft side, " she says, and Jasper can feel her nose just barely brush her. The striped warrior smirks a little, fingers brushing along Pearl's back for a moment.

" You're surviving our tussles, clearly I'm extremely soft. " growls Jasper, before chuckling. The dancing spear fighter laughs gently.

" Less worried now? " Jasper asks, tilting her head and looking down to see Pearl resting a pale cheeks against her golden skin gingerly. Thick pale hair falls over her eyes, and she has to take a hand from the slender fencer's back to push it away.

" Mmm. Yes. _We_ at least make a good team." Pearl says, her voice taking a teasing tone and her eyes gazing up at Jasper under her lashes. Jasper gives her a lopsided smile. It was hard to worry about the future with this fragment of grace and clever power resting on her.

Gently brushing her thumb along the arch of Pearl's chin, Amethyst's words are in the back of her mind. They could be shattered next week. Waiting forever wasn't an option.

Jasper can't fuse, but she has the second best option. Gently tilting Pearl's chin up, her plush lips pressed lightly to the Crystal Gem's fine ones.

There's a soft sound from somewhere in Pearl's throat and slim fingers brush Jasper's cheek, caressing with gentle care. The pale gem tilts her head slightly, accommodating the larger gem, and pressing in, her slim body snug against the warrior. Jasper deepens the kiss and there's another happy mewling sound somewhere in Pearl's mouth and the fighter tries to tease out more. 

Then it started to go wrong.

Pearl stiffened after a good minute in her grip, and suddenly those soft hands are on her chest, pushing her away. " _Stop!_ " says Pearl, her voice unusually sharp, almost frantic. Jasper freezes, confused. " No, no..." says Pearl, and it's almost like she's speaking to herself, but she's pulling away and the Homeworld Gem feels powerless to stop her.

Turning from Jasper, the slender gem shrinks down, and there's the sound, warbling and throaty, of contained tears slipping out. " I... I can't. I didn't mean for..."

The quartz feels pain running through the back of her throat. Instinct tells her she should hold the hurting gem, but instinct is clearly wrong, and instead her arms fall back to her sides, her head hanging. "...why?"

They'd been wrong, they'd all been wrong and she'd been stupid enough to listen.

Pearl looks like she just wants to bolt, her arms hugging herself, panic and shame on her face. She manages to get out, "I'm sorry...but that was something I'd only ever do with Rose. I can't...Not with _you_. " And her voice cracks and she's gone, leaving for the barn, Jasper watching mutely, feeling worthless as mud. Unwanted by even a pearl.

Back home, a pearl couldn't have just rejected her like that. And that's why she never wanted one. How pathetic would you have to be to need a lover who can't turn you down? But it still stung, like acid over her gem.

" Holy shit, " comes a small voice from behind her, and the gem turns, her hands clenching into fists to see two tiny frightened sets of eyes yards behind her, half hidden beyond the fence. If the dark violet marks along Amethyst's throat were any indication, her and Peridot had been occupied other ways before stumbling on Jasper and Pearl, rather than intentionally spying.

It still made Jasper angry in her humiliation. She growls out , bitterly, "Looks like you were wrong, runt. " Amethyst winces, and looks away.

" I'm sorry. I...better make sure Pearl's okay. She can get really weird when it comes to Rose. " says the small purple gem, moving past her beyond her reach. Great. The little ones didn't trust her now again. This was a complete disaster.

" Peri, you gotta handle this, she's your friend! " Amethyst calls back to her lover, who looks stricken with the prospect of dealing with a quarter tonne of rejected quartz warrior. They look at each other, Peridot giving a smile that looks more like a frightened rictus.

Jasper just feels like lead. She sighs and slumps back down to sitting, causing Peridot to jump before she cautiously moves forward.

"I ... can see this is very uncomfortable for you, but as I have learned from human dramas, very shortly you should have excellent success in the field of 'romantic encounters'" Jasper watches blearily as she's air quoted at. "Might I suggest the value of revisiting my permafusion theory?"

"No. I am not interested in Garnet, Peridot. I liked Pearl. " says Jasper, glaring at the green nerd. Peridot rocks on her heels, gesturing, "But if you consider the subtext and... "

Jasper slams her fist into the ground, leaving a crater. "Shards, Peridot! " she curses, and the engineer jumps, holding her hands up as if she felt she needed to protect her face. The warrior growls out, "This isn't a story! There isn't any writer making sure I get my happy ending with my camper or my bird or my gem. Sometimes, you want something and you can't have it and you just. Have. To. FORGET! "

Peridot twists her hands together, fingers twining around each other nervously. She looks at a loss.

Jasper runs her hand over her face. Not with her, Pearl said. So, she'd been in love with the leader of the army, Rose Quartz. Jasper wouldn't just be cheating, she imagines. It would be total betrayal, to involve herself with a former captain of the Homeworld armies from the war era. She can respect that line of thought, that loyalty. No, she was foolish to think Pearl even wanted to fuse with the likes of her. Stupid thing to be afraid of.

"Compared to her, I'm just a monster, " she says out loud.

" Oh _good_ , you're finally admitting it. " comes the triumphant voice of Lapis Lazuli.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was extremely hard to write. I've started and restarted it a half dozen times, and ended up cutting the scene I had planned into two chapters. 
> 
> On happier news, I'm setting up a tumblr and slowly commissioning art for my story series. When It Rains has a cover piece now, and I've commissioned an amazing artist for the cover for Honey and Venom. This work is dear to my heart and I'm hoping tumblr will let me be more in touch with everyone and get the stories out to a larger audience.


	13. Malediction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past threatens to strangle hope.

Lapis Lazuli smiles sweetly when Jasper turns, and the striped gem had to push down a feeling of rage so intense she felt like it would shatter her gem.

Toxic fusion, Garnet had called it. Jasper'd seen fusion for combat and now fusion for love, but there had never been a fusion made of hate and revenge like theirs had been. None that survived long. And they were Malachite for months. More monster than gem when they finally were pulled free from the crushing depths.

Being around Lapis brought the monster in her out. Being around Jasper seemed to distort the water gem. It was like a dark attraction, threatening to crush the pair. Neither wanted to be around the other yet...

Jasper should just walk away. Turn her back, ignore the gem. But the whispers egg her on. She can't pretend she doesn't know they're there. Malachite was both of them. One day they'd either devour each other or... Jasper can't even picture the other options.

_in the dark in the **rage** no release **drown**_

It was funny, really, Lapis was the broken mirror of what she liked in Pearl. Beautiful but powerful, cunning and chilly sometimes. But every part of that was a sharp shard facing her, wanting to tear.

Oh, how she wants to tear back.

"Takes a monster to know a monster, " she growls out, shaking Peridot's desperate fingers on her arm off, ignoring the small gem's angry objections. She's going to break this witch. This twisted beauty. There was no Pearl now, no comfort, no joy. Just coils of poison green tearing at her throat. Death at her feet, death in the fields, what's more death?

"You don't belong here, Jasper! Why don't you just run back to Yellow Diamond," Lapis starts to say, and then her wings flare out , the gem turning from her target as she's touched.

" Steven! " she says, shocked, immediately sliding her wings away, her eyes brightening from the black pools before. Steven looks stern and hurt, and he's saying something to Lapis, but all Jasper sees is her back exposed. The warrior was honorable, mostly, you didn't attack someone's back.

Malachite was not.

Talons out, teeth bared, tear and rend and break end this _end this **end this**_

The punch stops her dead, sending Jasper tumbling back and shaking the shadows from her head. She looks up to see Garnet's other gauntlet the instant before it strikes her, throwing her through the fence.

" Enough! " booms her voice as Jasper slowly gets to her feet, to see the glaring visage of the permanent fusion a few feet away.

" Clearly you two won't be able to be part of a team without killing each other, " says Garnet, her eyes on Jasper, her body between her and the blue gem. Jasper almost laughs. Of course. She's the beast. Have to protect the little beauty.

" You're both off of the cluster project. Lapis, you stay here. Jasper, you're grounded to the temple. " The warrior clenches her fists for a moment, before hanging her head. She'd shattered any chance to make amends for her past, but there wasn't anything to be done. The cluster had to be destroyed, even as her ego screamed inside.

" Yes, ma'am, " she says, her jaw sore, her eyes to the ground.

" What?!" screeched Lapis, Steven's arms tightly around her. Jasper gives her a tired look, and is surprised to see how devastated she appeared. The gem looked on the verge of tears.

" But... _why?_ After all I _did_ for you..." she starts to say, and Garnet frowns.

" _You_ have been winding her up since we rescued her, but I thought you would move past that. Clearly I was wrong. " says the fusion, her voice terse.

" I had to! " says Lapis, sounding desperate, and she looks at Steven. " I had to make you see, you don't _know_ her like I do, you don't know what I saw from her past..."

Steven gives her a sad, worried look. " A lot of bad things happened in the past, but we really need to trust her now, Lapis. She _wants_ to do good! "

Lapis Lazuli looks ready to crumble. Her hands go to her face, tears streaming down.

" I... I _sacrificed so much_ for you all... my body, my _mind_ , and then when we separate you welcome her with open arms?! Doesn't what I did _mean_ anything to you at all?!"

She falls to her knees, and Steven looks worried, unable to comfort the gem properly or even understand what she was hurting from.

Lapis Lazuli sobs. " Didn't _I_ mean anything to you at all...?"

"Lapis, no, we worked really hard to save you!" says Steven, hugging around her, his face twisted in pain.

Lapis growls through her tears, her voice raw, " I gave up everything and then you just TRUST her! She just suddenly says she's on our side after trying to escape, after trying to kill you all. _I'm broken_ , and it was _utterly pointless_. Nothing I did **_mattered!_** " But she clings to Steven, weeping.

Jasper turns away. Lapis had peered into her memories, but some leaked over the other side. The hate and despair. They'd both been used, it was all Homeworld had to give its children in the end.

Gruffly, Jasper says, "Peridot convinced me to help."

Lapis shoots her a venomous look through red fogged eyes. " Oh, and pray tell, how did she do that? "

"By telling me what the cluster actually was. " Lapis snorts. The anger, rage Jasper had been feeling had been knocked out of her by Garnet's blows. Now she just feels weary of this battle. Of the war. She's lost, so she might as well admit her weakness.

Even Peridot seems confused. " But you already knew it was a massive gem weapon... it was briefed before we even left. " she says, slowly.

Jasper looks at the Crystal Gems. The other two had gathered once Garnet stopped her, and she sighs, unable to look Pearl in the eyes. Instead, she directs this to Lapis. They'd never like each other, but maybe she could understand those memories she felt through Jasper.

" It's made of warriors. The bodies of the dead. _Homeworld took_ _every friend I ever lost on this wretched planet and turned them into a **monster!**_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was ROUGH for me. On the bright side, I have a new tumblr, so follow me at [fluffkills.tumblr.com](http://fluffkills.tumblr.com) for story updates, art, and general information on my fics.


	14. Harvest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper is a killer

It wasn't a sudden change, for the former Homeworld loyalist. When she had been summoned to return to the Crystal system and Earth, it was all she could do to maintain her composure when she found out the end goal of the event was cracking the planet in two. But she did her job. Then Rose had survived, and her memories of the war caused her to make her own choice. No matter what she'd told Peridot, she did not have the authority to change the mission directive to the extent she had done. But she wanted to believe her past on the planet would matter, make a difference, make her choice forgivable to Homeworld.

On Earth, it was reasonably well known that a small drip of water, given enough time, could carve out caves, build up and tear down. It could change the hardest rock.

Five thousand years of drips and Jasper wasn't the same gem anymore. She'd ignored to the point of almost fracturing herself , but the truth hit her like a flood when Peridot cheerfully explained how the cluster was actually designed in her attempt to convince her of the logic of joining the gems here.

Homeworld _didn't care_ about her sacrifices. It didn't care about what all the gems resting here had done for the Diamonds. Nothing they did mattered, they were just parts, just _pieces_ , even alive they were all shards to be used.

What did it take for Jasper to ally with the gems who had been on the other end of the weapons who'd taken down so many of her fellow combatants? Having a much bigger enemy.

And nothing was bigger than Yellow Diamond.

Lapis was the first to break the shocked silence in the wake of the striped gem's outburst.

Her deep indigo eyes glare darkly at the huge gem. Hands still clutching Steven, desperate and protective.

" You want me to believe you had friends? " Lapis had clearly managed to pull herself together, and her voice is low, and steady. " I've seen what you do to 'friends'.., you **shatter** them. " Somehow the words were worse for how soft they were.

"Lapis, please, " pleads Steven, and Jasper drops to a knee, getting more on the level with Steven, looking the fusion in the eye. She can see his gentle heart doesn't want to believe this.

Lapis tugs him back. _"Getting away from him!_ You even killed your lover, and you think I'll let you touch one hair on Steven's head?!" There's a small gasp from Peridot, and a ways behind Lapis and the boy, she can see the worried, confused look on Amethyst's face. No surprise, she'd never been in a war, neither of them had. And Lapis was the upper class sort of gem who directed the shots and never took them.

The older Crystal Gems, the proper fighters, both look carefully blank.

"She's not lying Steven, but you have to believe I had a good reason. What do you know about the war? " asks Jasper, her voice as calm as she could keep it. She had to try and be gentle with this. He was so soft.

"Dad says there's no such thing as a good war, " says the young fusion, his voice uncertain, and he gently extracts himself from Lapis, patting her arm, meeting her stricken expression with sad kindness in his eyes.

" Greg's smart. There's no such thing as a nice war, either. "

Pearl's voice cuts in. " Jasper, _please!_ That's enough, he's not _ready_ , just...." The concern was tangible, but the striped gem has run out of patience with the dancer.

" What's he not ready for, Pearl? To find out sometimes gems DIE? That sometimes he might have to be that cause? You can't protect him from the truth forever. "

Pearl's lips narrow. " Rose wouldn't want..." she starts, but Jasper cuts her off, her gaze dark, her voice sharp.

" You've already shown you know that I'm not Rose. " Pearl's eyes widen and then she turns to Garnet, pleading with the only authority the group seemed to respect, "Garnet, you have to stop this! It's not right. "

Jasper finds reading the fusion's emotional state hard the best of times, but she thinks she sees a little conflict. The gem turns to her ward.

"Steven, do you want to hear what Jasper has to say? You can ask her to stop if you're not comfortable. " Garnet asks the boy, kindly, who looks at his feet and Jasper before looking at the tall ruddy fighter. His expression is one of struggle and worry.

"I think it's important that we hear her, even if it's not nice. " Steven finally says.

Jasper gives him a nod, grateful. She'll never be a Crystal Gem, but perhaps the other warriors can respect what she had to do, and how hard it was. They'd had Rose Quartz. Jasper hadn't been so lucky.

Kneeling still, she peers at the human fusion and watches him steel himself. "I had to lead a lot of gems into battle, Steven. That was a particular responsibility. You saw Lapis with her cracks, I've heard. " She gestures at the blue gem, who flinches. Normally that would delight Jasper, but she didn't have time for petty jabs now.

" She was in a mirror. And do you know why? " Steven shakes his head, and glances at Lapis. " Did she do something bad?" he asks, softly.

Jasper laughs, bitterly. " Only bad thing she did was getting fractured. Anything before that is none of my business. When gems crack, once it gets to a certain point..."

"They're harvested, " finishes Peridot with a squeak of fear.

Lapis shivers, and now it's Pearl moving to comfort her, resting a hand on her shoulder.

"But why didn't they just heal her? " asks Steven, his frustration evident. " She was hurting! "

Jasper closes her eyes. Steven loved Rose, they all loved Rose, baring Lapis. But could they understand the pain she caused Jasper?

" Your mother, " she starts, tasting the weird word in her mouth. It wasn't a title she'd ever used for the quartz leader before. "Your mother was unique. Sometimes gems get exposed to strange trace elements when they grow. There are other Sapphires, but only yours has future vision. And there are other Rose Quartz, but only your mother could heal a cracked gem. We never discovered how she did, and when she went against us..."

Jasper pauses. It was like dealing with a never ending army. The rebel group was small but short of shattering, they always returned. The Homeworld gems had to grow more and more fighters.

" Cracked gems just get worse and worse. Small scratches and chips can be fixed, polished out. But a cracked gem is a dead gem. You say Lapis was in pain in the mirror? I know, I felt that, I saw that when we were Malachite. Trapped, screaming, not herself, not free. It just confirms what gems always fear about the harvest. We'll know, but have no voice to cry out, no body to escape. Forced to power a need, forever. " Steven shudders, looking ill, but doesn't ask her to stop.

Jasper's hand on her knee tightens into a fist. The human fusion rests his warm one on hers.

" I had a _responsibility_ to the gems I lead. To my comrades, _my friends!_ And the final burden I always took was I wouldn't let them go through the horrors of the harvest. Lapis must have seen me kill a hudred gems or more when she looked at those memories. I crushed them, Steven. I broke them beyond repair. Gems I was laughing with before. Gems I trained with. Gems I knew for centuries. I did it because _I would **never** let that happen to **them!**_ "

Her voice cracks as she shouts that, and she looks at the water gem, Lapis' eyes wide with mute shock, the slender witch resting against Pearl. " I would have never let them put you in that mirror, " says Jasper solemnly. No gem ever deserved that. " I did what I had to, but don't ever tell me they weren't my friends. I was the last friend they ever had."

Lapis turns away from her to bury her face into Pearl's shoulder, the pale gem holding her gently. Jasper slowly gets up. " War is ugly, Steven. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And some day, when you have to make a terrible choice, I hope you make the right one. I did what I had to to protect my friends. Now I don't have friends anymore. "

" What about us? " says Steven, teary, resting a hand on her leg.

" What _about_ you?" she retorts, and hates seeing the hurt in his eyes. Turning, she says, coldly, " I'm here to help, but I can't go through that pain again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to the temple. " Steven tries to stop her, but she shakes him off. She can feel the silence behind her, only broken by Steven's pleading. She won't be weak.

The walk home was long and empty, and Jasper kept her composure until she made it back to the temple, until she rested on the bed Steven used, her legs hanging off, staring at the wood of the ceiling. Listening to the seagulls call, she closes her eyes, tears silently staining her lashes before they roll down her cheeks. Memories scroll through her mind, of all the points in her past when she had to finish off someone she might have been speaking to not minutes before. The image of a freckled face comes to mind for the first time in centuries.

Lapis should have realized one thing when she looked into Jasper's past.

Jasper never forgot a single face before she had to take that killing blow. She never let herself have the luxury of forgetting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked me to post this soon because they were in withdrawl. It's been three days but so am I!
> 
> First GREAT NEWS, we have a cover image for the story based on [ AMAZING art ](http://bondibee.tumblr.com/image/143387677602)I got from [ bondibee](http://bondibee.tumblr.com/) for this. Go fawn over her tumblr.
> 
> Second, this is about the third-way point in the story! So, yay. I figure I have maybe 50k more words to finish, that's doable before In Too Deep, right? Right?
> 
> As always, tumblr at [ FluffKills](http://fluffkills.tumblr.com)


	15. In Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper waits at the temple in her exile, and has an unexpected heart to heart.

Avoiding speaking with the Crystal Gems proved to be easy for Jasper , as they didn't return to the cabin. Part of her, a small, soft, weak part she wished wasn't inside her, was sad at being so fully abandoned, even as she knew she purposefully made it clear that they were allies of necessity only. Bitterness filled her mouth as she considers Pearl without wanting to. There was no way through there, she was a monster, would always be the monster to that precious pearl. She'd seen...She'd been in the gem's bubble room, and for whatever perverse reason, the Crystal Gems didn't seem to believe in a full mercy kill. So many cracked and corrupted gems.

She imagines Pearl and Garnet understand better than the others why she did what she did, but as the sun circled the sky over and over, it was clear they mustn't approve, since not even the slightest olive branch was being held out to her.

Steven, on the other hand, wasn't someone she wanted caring or understanding from, but he tried to give it to her anyway, returning to his house on the first night and pleading with her. She ignored him for hours, sitting silent, until it became too much and too sore. Struggling, the fusion was returned to his father with a grim ultimatum to keep him at the barn or else.

It appeared to work. Jasper always had difficulties with the passage of Earth time. The sun seemed to race through the sky in comparison to one unit of time on Homeworld, but it'd been days since anyone had so much as wandered near the beach house. When it was clear she wasn't bring monitored, she took the pad to sit up on the hand, watching the ocean as the tides traveled in and out. The warrior finds herself wondering if there's other gem based technology causing that effect. She never really noticed the ocean before , even when she'd been on the mud ball thousands of years ago.

Watching the passage of time was unexpectedly meditative in a gem who had never bothered to do such a pointless thing in the past, and slowly her dark mind calms. The faces that had been haunting her slip back into the past, though not before she wonders how a certain old friend would have liked seagulls on the beach.

The soft sound of the warp pad wakes her from her reverie.

" So you ARE still here. " Jasper hadn't expected that voice, and glances over to see the frowning dark visage of Connie Maheswaran frowning at her.

" They're up at the barn, " says Jasper, flatly, turning back to watch the sun on the waves. She doesn't even flinch when she's hit on her arm, but Connie is left rubbing her hand.

"I _know_ where everyone else is, but I came here to see you, Jasper! You really hurt Steven's feelings! He's miserable! " Jasper smiles internally. The guardian of the fusion and his most loyal partner. She respected Connie and her concern, but she didn't have time for it.

" I told him the truth, Connie. I'm not here to make friends. " says the large gem, looking resolutely forward.

Connie grabs her arm with those small hands, and Jasper can feel the calluses from handling Rose's quartz sized sword. Little fighter.

" I don't believe that! Steven did this to me once too, you're just pushing him away because you're afraid!"

Jasper sighs slowly, turning to glare at Connie, but she just stares her down. Finally, the gem says, "Just because you know what I'm doing doesn't mean I plan on stopping. I don't want to get attached. I'm here until the cluster is destroyed and then I'm out of your lives. "

Connie leans her hands on Jasper's crossed leg now, peering up at her intensely. " We don't _want_ you out of our lives! "

_"I don't care what you want!_ They've been my enemies all my life, they're never going to see me differently, I don't expect you to understand!" snaps the gem. Connie wasn't there for her talk with Steven and the former loyalist wonders how much she knows. She wonders if Steven would even be able to explain properly; the girl was more articulate than him by a good margin.

The human sighs and rubs her leg. " But we're not enemies. Me and you. "

" No. You're human. " says the gem flatly.

Connie tenses at the tone. " I thought you liked humans now. " she says.

"I like you, Connie, but there's no point getting attached if you'll be gone soon. " says Jasper. " You don't really think the gems are doing this for humanity, do you? "

"Of course they are! They're defending the earth and..."

Jasper laughs and looks down at the young woman. So earnest. Her golden gaze takes in Connie's fragile form. " Connie, gems aren't your friends. You've worked enough with Pearl, can you honestly tell me you think she likes people? " The silence speaks volumes. " I don't know what happened with Rose and Greg, but I know what she was like in the deep past. So wrapped up with critters that would die so easily on her. No one expected them to be one of the reasons she'd go to war. "

" Do you really think that I don't have a chance in battle? " asks Connie in a tiny voice, looking down. Jasper blinks, and in spite of herself, rests a broad hand on the girl's shoulder.

" Connie, you'll come back. I know you will. " The ruby flashes in her mind. She shakes off that dire comparison and continues. She just wanted Connie to leave, but she didn't want to destroy the warrior's confidence and strength. Especially if she won't be allowed to come along to watch over them. Or Amethyst. Or Peridot. Her insides twist. This was why it had to stop. This was poisoning her. Making her weak. They all die in the end.

"Just... a day back home is almost a month here. I've lived for eons compared to you. Humans were still figuring out clothing and spears when we first arrived. I like you, but I know you're going to go long, long before I will, and it just colours things. You're right, I have come to like some humans. You don't stress me out like gems do, you're relaxing, you don't demand anything of me, you're so affectionate. It's nice, having that. "

" You make it sound like we're pets, " says Connie, trembling. She glares up at the muscular gem, fierce, tears in her eyes. " Is that all I am to you, just some pet monkey? !"

Jasper looks away, "What more do you want? That's all you all were to Rose, humanity's great defender. "

"It wasn't always LIKE that! She changed! Mr. Universe...he was like that for her at first, but she learned to see us differently. " Connie's hot tears soak through Jasper's uniform when they fall on her. "You can too, if you want."

Jasper hates herself for causing the girl more pain, but it's better to do this now, make a clean break. Make her leave. "You like me, Connie, but you're more than willing to train to kill others of my race. Be glad you're a pet. If you were a gem, I would probably kill you. "

Connie glares at her, furious, her eyes red from her crying. She says, so loudly her voice cracks, "You're just a jerk! You want to push us all away but do you really want to be alone for a million years?!"

Jasper closes her eyes, and doesn't answer that. She already will be. She's planning on betraying Homeworld, killing any gems that come for her, but she doesn't have a home here.

"Just go away. Do your training. Survive. "

Connie sits, gripping her leg tightly. Jasper growls, but can't bring herself to move the girl. She just sits silently as the sun sinks behind them, painting the ocean purple.

" It hurts to have friends, Connie, " she finally says. She wonders if the girl is even awake, her breathing had become soft and slow and she'd been silent so long.

"It hurts more not to have them. I never had one before Steven. " the human answers, her voice soft.

" But if Steven was to die, wouldn't it have been better not to have put yourself through that? " the warrior asks, her hand falling to slowly stroke along Connie's back. The young human fiercely shakes her head.

" Do you wish you didn't know your friends? " she asks the huge gem in return. Jasper sighs, rubbing just above her gem. " Sometimes. " she admits. When the pain was too much, she'd liked it if she'd just been the killing machine she was meant to be.

Connie shifts a little, hugging her calf and resting her cheek against Jasper's knee. " Do you want to tell me about them? "

Jasper shakes her head. " There's too many. " she says, firmly.

" Tell me about the best one."

The face comes to her mind immediately, rounder than Jasper's, pale with those black and brown freckles, her long hair off white with streaks. That goofy smile. That funny black patch around one eye that made an eight foot warrior look almost cute.

Lapis called her Jasper's lover, but it had only been the one time. The last time. For decades, she'd just been her best friend, when they'd been assigned together. She'd been under White Diamond, and Jasper was under Yellow's units. But as the war dragged on, units were mixed more and more.

"I called her Spotty. Or Freckles. She called me Streaky. We were both Jaspers, but different colours and types. Gems usually just use facet numbers, but she was special. "

" Streaky because of your stripes? That's pretty cute. "

It was because of a different meaning of the word, but Jasper doesn't correct her. Looking off across the sea, her voice grows warm. " She was so cheerful, she always made me laugh. And we were the worst together. Cracking jokes, pulling pranks. "

Connie laughs, "Really? You're pretty serious with us, " she says. Jasper sighs. " I was really, really young. A lot hadn't happened yet, the war seemed winnable, any losses were just temporary. We were still trying to believe that. "

Jasper stops, covering her eyes. The small human squeezes her leg like she can really care about some alien's pain. Maybe she can, a little.

"She was the best. When she. ..when she shattered, a light went out of my life. I never stop missing her." The gem's powerful hand strokes over Connie's dark hair. " Steven was right, to try and push you away. The pain is too hard. You think it gets easier and then something reminds you of her and it's ready to bathe you in acid again. "

"I think the sweetness is worth some pain, "says the girl. She was young too. With any luck, Jasper hopes, the gem'll be gone before she sees if Connie still believes that when she truly gets to know loss.

" Sure, " she just says, as dusk surrounds them. Jasper watches the first star appear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yada yada [I have a tumblr](http://fluffkills.tumblr.com)
> 
> I really love these characters. Also, Freckles will come up in mentions in the future, but I won't shove too much OC at you guys.


	16. The Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven finally talks to Jasper

When Steven appears on the hand in the small hours of the next morning, the sun not yet over the horizon, Jasper has run out of energy to chase him away again.

It wasn't just that. Being able to be frank with Connie, before she'd left, had aided the gem as well. The young humans did soothe her, if she let them. So did watching the ocean from the safety of the hand, as if she was guarded.

" Jasper? " he says, his voice uncertain. She turns to see him, in his pyjamas still. Has he been sleeping at the house? What had been happening since she'd been up here?

" Yes, Steven? "

" Can I sit with you?" The large gem makes a show of moving infinitesimally over, and Steven slides beside her. He shivers when his bottom touches the dew soaked stone, and the gem automatically lifts him to place him on her warmer knee.

" Is Connie still around? " she asks, when he's in place.

"Yeah, she's sleeping downstairs. We've been there since last night. Sorry, but I need showers and things sometimes, you know! " Jasper frowns to herself. She hadn't really considered that she'd driven Steven from his home in her need for solitude.

" Sorry. I wasn't being fair. " she admits. But at least the little fusion wasn't being as noisy and desperate to repair things now.

" Garnet said we needed to give you space. But Connie got really upset and came back here. " Steven gives her a little nervous laugh. She'd never heard him sound frightened of her, not since the ship. " I was really worried when she didn't come down. "

"You thought I hurt her. " That feels like a chunk of lead in her. She wished Steven could understand she didn't want them around for the opposite reason, that seeing them hurt had started to hurt her. But telling him would only pull him closer to her.

"I don't know. She said not to come up. " he says, sounding miserable. But then he says, "but.. but it was all okay! I guess. She won't tell me what you guys talked about. " Steven sounds tired and unhappy. She'd rarely heard him sound anything but positive, it was almost alarming.

The gem gently slings an arm around him and pulls him close. There was nothing to be done. She was already in this too deep. She can't untangle herself from these new chains and staying here until the stone around her crumbles wasn't going to change that. Connie last night showed that as much, but now it was something she can't even pretend to believe.

Because hearing Steven sound sad and frightened and knowing she's why, it _hurt_ her. She's not a hunk of granite, she's not a killing machine.

Where did Homeworld fail, she wonders? They must realised they'd done so, the past thousand years had been a push to automated weapons more and more. They gave her fists but they gave her the capacity to care. She was built out of the cold earth, taught to have no mercy, and now there was a soft organic fusion on her knee and she just wants to protect. To guard.

Loyalty was her construction, but she had a mind, she gave herself a choice. She was never there for the Diamonds. She picked her loyalties. Everything else was just propaganda.

" We talked about friends I miss. "

" Did you really have to do what you did? Back then? " the boy asks, turning to rest against her, his voice slightly muffled against the gem. Jasper sighs.

" It was that or what happened to Lapis. No matter what she might say about me, I never enjoyed it. Are you scared I'll do that again? "

Steven hugs her and shakes his head, she can feel it moving against her. She's not sure she believes him, but she supposes there was little reason for him to just leap back into trust. Especially after she'd driven him away.

" I think the gems are worried about you. Pearl and Peridot seem really upset, even Lapis has been really down. " Every bit of that sentence shocked the warrior. The fusion has clearly misunderstood something.

" We're training with Pearl this morning. Maybe you can come up? " he suggests, hope in his voice.

" I have to stay here. You know that. " says Jasper, reasonably. "This is about as far as I think I can go without breaking the rule."

" Oh. Right. I could ask if it's okay? " he asks, and the fighter is conflicted. She really wanted to involve herself in the sword and shield training. But she also wasn't sure if she could handle Pearl.

Then again, if there was anywhere she can be herself, it's the arena. She shakes her head, brushing her long hair back and rubbing her neck. She's as soft as chalk.

" Ask. I don't want to give the Crystal Gems any more reason to think I'm an enemy then they already have. " she says with a rough laugh.

Steven clutches her uniform and looks up at her when she looks down. " They _don't!_ They really _like_ you! Stop thinking we all hate you! "

"You're too young..."

" _I'm not too young to know when people are friends!_ " he shouts, giving her a fierce determined look. His eyes look red, was that from sleep or crying?

" I know a lot of bad things happened in the war, and nobody wants to talk about it, but that was a really long time ago and you don't need to be fighting now! "

Jasper cups behind his head with a hand that could crush him without thought. " Steven, those gems are the reason bad things happened to me back then. I'm the reason they lost people they cared about too. "

Steven looks like he's struggling, his hands playing with his top now. " But I watch you guys. I don't think you feel like that anymore, you like them, and they like you. Maybe they just thought they had to, like you did. "

Jasper frowns and Steven looks away. The boy was earnest, but he wasn't always able to articulate what he meant. She understood though. They had been two sides of a greater moment in history. Just because the Crystal Gems loved and admired Rose Quartz, Jasper shouldn't assume they killed with impunity. They both had friends that had been on the other side, back then.

No such thing as a good war.

She remembers Pearl. _Not with you_. Not with a Homeworld warrior, a fighter who fought against everything the gem she loved stood for. Maybe she could be friends, but it would be a long time before either side forgot the war.

"I'm sorry. I know you just want us all to get along. You care about everything. You're so like your father. "

Steven laughs. " The gems and dad say I'm like my mom when I'm like that, " he says, his voice still fragile but sounding a little better.

Jasper laughs. " Your mother was a terrifying warlord, to me. I didn't get to see that side of her. But she was a good leader. She cared about her troops, more than many of my leaders did. She made me wish more quartz could take that role. So maybe you're caring about your troops. " A broad fingertip pokes his gem, and Steven laughs and bats her hand away.

Jasper wraps her hands under his arms and stands , lifting the quartz fusion up. She rests her forehead against his for a moment, her golden eyes on his dark ones. Jasper knows her eyes are intimidating, but her gaze is warm.

" I'll protect you. " she says, and from her that's as good as a pledge. She closes her eyes, seeing new faces now. Faces of the living. Peridot. Amethyst. Pearl. Garnet. Connie. Even broken Lapis. As long as she can fight, she won't let them go down in this battle.

" And the earth? "

Jasper chuckles. " Don't get carried away, tiny. Now, let's get you back to bed. You and your swordbearer need to be in top form. " She didn't like that he needed so much recharging time, but she won't fight it. Slinging him under an arm, she steps onto the warp pad, flashing into the house.

The house is dim, but growing brighter in the dawn, and motion catches Jasper's eyes, drawing them to the source. Lion looks up from where he's acting as a cusion for the sleeping human warrior, his eyes glowing softly. Unnerved, Jasper takes a step back. Lion and her had a very hands off approach to each other. She found the animal unsettling in a way she couldn't always explain. But they left each other be and it had been fine. She quickly puts Steven down.

" Not hurting him, see? " she says, holding her hands up. Steven goes over, running his fingers through Lion's mane, but the large cat ignores him, standing and causing Connie to tumble back, waking her.

The glow seems to grow, and suffuses through the beast's mane, turning it white. He slowly stalks towards her, eyes white now, staring her down. "Steven! " says Jasper, looking to him, "Get Connie out of here, I think..."

The beast lowers his shaggy head, closing the glowing eyes, a foot away from the warrior. The mane seems to move on its own, powered by some unseen wind.

"What in stars is he _doing?_ " exclaims the gem, looking at the two humans. Connie looks groggy, still trying to rouse herself, but Steven's eyes are wide and bright with excitement.

" _Touch his mane!_ " he says in an excited whisper. Tentatively, Jasper reaches out, her thick fingers brushing the softness, sinking in. Something was there, and she wraps her fingers around it, pulling. Like a magic trick, the shaft just keeps coming and coming until, with a grunt of surprise as the slight resistance goes, she finds herself holding something aloft.

Something familiar.

Jasper stares at the lion, but it's dark eyes are normal now, and it yawns, walking away to poke at Steven's backpack with its nose, as if it had never been anything more than an animal.

Jasper looks at what he had given her. The standard is tattered, old, but very familiar. On the pale pink background, the symbol of Rose Quartz still flies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeeeeeeeee!
> 
> This story started as some very strong images in my head. Pearl and Jasper sparing. The image of Jasper talking about her old lover. A couple more I can't talk about yet. And this one, a vision of Jasper pulling Rose's flag from Lion's mane. I've been waiting 16 chapters to be able to finally share it with you. 
> 
>  
> 
> [ Please follow my tumblr ](http://fluffkills.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> [ Jasper's theme song ](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sJqe5clCBTI) , if you ever want to know how I think of her, listen to this beautiful piece.


	17. Pearls beyond compare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is Pearl just a pearl?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've done two updates today, make sure you've read the previous chapter, The Dawn, before this one. It has Steven!

Thorns. The first time Jasper saw the standard of the rebellion, that was what struck her. Rose connected with the earth plants that shared her name, and she was like them. Beauty that would hurt if you touched it.

Thorny vines, she remembered, would overgrow everything, if you let them. Like this rebellion. A flower that bloomed destruction and choked the planet so neither side won.

Now , eons later, she sees the shield, or rather the spiral in the centre that emulates one. Thorns were a shield too, a defense that wasn't passive, one that bit back. Not a sword, not an instrument of war. There was something here she never saw before. A dialog she could understand.

"Why? " she says, looking at the draping cloth, the pole it's on quartz sized. The rising sun poured its light through the cabin and it shone through the standard, making it glow with a pink light as the widow back-lit her and it.

"Why did he _do_ that?" she turns, asking Steven, but the boy was staring at her with an almost painful reverence.

" That's so cool! " he breathes, cupping his cheeks. Jasper snarls, waving the flag as she gestures, "That's not USEFUL, Steven Quartz Universe! Why did your lion give this to me? What is it supposed to mean?!"

The door to the house creaks open and a terrifyingly familiar voice says, "Wakey wakey, you two, we have a long day---" Jasper looks up to see Pearl, her face golden in the light. The gem looks like she's seen a ghost, before her eyes widen.

" J-Jasper!? " she gasps out, and her expression changed in an instant into a ferocity she'd never seen on Pearl. The huge gem has to take a step back.

" Where did you _get_ that, you monster!? " she snarls at the red and golden quartz, her tiny hands reaching for the flag, but her strength is a fraction of Jasper's, and she tugs impotently as she tries to take it from the warrior.

" The--the lion just gave me it! " says Jasper, desperate to be understood. Pearl growls, giving another yank, and Jasper decides to surrender her grip for now. Pearl stumbles back, before wrapping both her arms around the flagpole, protectively.

" Don't be absurd, Lion doesn't GIVE people things, he's just a storage portal, anyone can grab things out of him! " Pearl hoists the pole to shove it back in his mane, but the beast growls and snaps at her.

" He really did, ma'am! It was like when he gave Steven and I the sword to save ourselves! " says Connie, and Steven nods. " Lion thought she needed that! Maybe mom thought she'd need that too. "

"Rose couldn't possibly have intended to let a HOMEWORLD GEM have the symbol of the rebellion!" snaps Pearl at the boy, but Steven stays resolute, even as he smarts from the tone.

" Maybe, "Steven tries, in the face of her anger, "Maybe she's just a gem now. Or Lion was trying to show her she belongs. Or..or mom was. Didn't you always say she welcomed everyone? "

Pearl face falls, tears hinting at her eyes, and she turns her head from Steven. She clutches the standard so hard, her knuckles go even more pale until they're white. Jasper can see her strain. She turns away.

_Not with you._

" Keep it. I don't even know why he gave it to me. " she grumbles out. " I'm going back to the hand. " Her warm, hopeful mood was shattered like the fruits of war. Steven grabs her. " No, don't go, it's fine, please...!" Little peacemaker. Jasper is about to shake him off, but she sees Pearl's face, and pauses. Sorrow, but not hate anymore, at least. The fighter pauses. She doesn't want to be alone. It didn't protect her from the pain.

Connie hugs her other arm. " Come on, Jasper, please. You didn't finally come down here just to go again, right? "

"Don't go, " comes the soft voice of Pearl, and Jasper freezes. Even a blink might crack the fragile bridge under them now. Pearl snuffs hard, and wipes her damp eyes with the butt of her palms, before giving Jasper a tentative smile, her eyes showing her trepidation as clearly as mirrors. She looks back at the standard, stroking over it.

". ..right. " the fighter says. Pearl's tender look at the sign of Rose was so intimate Jasper turns away. Instead, she looks at the temple door. She clears her throat. 

"I want to ask if I could watch the pair train with you. " The gem waits.

" W-what? Of course you can, I don't understand why you need to ask .." Pearl starts to say, looking pleasantly surprised, when Jasper points out, sharply, "I'm confined to the temple, Pearl. I need to know I'm not going to get bubbled for coming up." Pearl frowns, stroking the standard one last time, before gripping the pole properly, turning to Jasper with a perky smile.

" I don't see why that should happen, if I'm with you. Get changed and eat, you two, we need to start soon. " Pearl moves to the kitchen, and starts to get their cereal bowls out, before struggling with the standard. Jasper holds out her hand and, after a long moment, Pearl reluctantly handed it back. The large quartz merely rests it gently against the wall as the children behind the gems go about their morning routine.

She watches Pearl take the various things for eating out. The gem was almost painfully beautiful in the early morning light. Jasper wonders how Rose could have ever given this world up, with Pearl in it. " I'm sorry about before. I didn't understand about you and Rose, or I never would have done that. "

Pearl stops, her hand on the handle to the fridge handle. "I'd rather not talk about this with Steven and Connie here, "she says softly. Jasper glances over her shoulder, and chuckles. " They're not even looking at us. Steven's not even in the room and Connie's brushing her hair and trying to change her socks. "

The pale gem opens the fridge and takes out milk. She leaves it on the counter beside the cereal and bowls. "If you insist, we'll go outside. " she says, her voice clipped, annoyed. Jasper frowns, but nods. Connie looks up when the door creaks, and Jasper holds up a finger to let her know they'd just be a moment, before slipping out.

Pearl leans on the railing, looking out across the sand.

" Do you see me as a pearl, Jasper?"

The question was such a bizzare one , the striped gem can't come up with an answer immediately. She leans heavily against the house, pondering with wrinkled brows.

"You're _Pearl_. You've become your own type. " Pearl hisses breath out, and it's almost a laugh.

" It would be so easy to just be a pearl, sometimes. I nearly... " She brushes her fingers along the railing, teasing the pattern in the wood.

" I wasn't treating you like a pearl, doing that. That's not what I ever did at home, Pearl. I don't think you're just here to... fulfill some **need**. Do you _really_ think I'd be standing here if I thought _that_? " Jasper can feel frustration boiling over, but she tries to bite it back. Her last words were sharp, though. Sharper than she wanted them to be.

"N-no, of course not. Still..."

Jasper looks out at the seagulls wheeling around the beach. "How long in real gem time has she been gone? "

" Not even a year. "

Jasper sucks her breath through her teeth. No wonder Pearl was so sore.

" Garnet and I talked. We still want you to help with training if you're still interested. I realized we're not your favourite gems right now, but we could really use your skills. "

" Chrysocolla break something again? "

Pearl laughs, and it's a relief to hear that sound, finally.

" No, but it's inevitable. They're not doing well without you. I'm afraid they're not sure how to take what you told us. "

"You're taking it well. " Jasper notes. Pearl had seen things, she expects. Those years changed everyone.

Pearl turns and leans back on the railing, giving Jasper a wry, knowing smile, and the wind in her hair, lit by the early morning sun... this Pearl was a gem beyond compare.

" Because I already _knew_ , Jasper. Lapis Lazuli told me a lot of things. Confided in me. And was _very angry_ when I didn't stop being around you after I knew. But I suspected the reason. Especially when she mentioned the lover. "

"Lapis never had to face the choices we did, she wouldn't have known why I might have done it. " says Jasper with a one shoulder shrug. Pearl's lips purse, and she nods with a sigh.

" You and Lapis are very close. " adds the striped fighter.

" _Really_ , Jasper? Not like that, " says Pearl, immediately dropping back to being annoyed.

Jasper scuffs her sole over the wood. " I didn't mean like that, but I suppose I had wondered a few times. "

" She's making use of a pearl. Holding things, being pretty. " The voice is bitter and the words a surprise. " Confessions are things to hold safe , after all. "

Arching an eyebrow, Jasper chuckles, "Don't you think you're being a little dramatic about it?"

Pearl crosses her arms. " I try not to be, but every once in a while, she does something, says something, and I see a court gem. I don't know if she's shaken off those ideas yet. Or if she ever will. Sometimes, she looks at me like she wants to **own** me. "

Jasper remembers Lapis, hissing at her to stop watching Pearl, insisting the gem was hers, possessively taking an arm. Maybe that hadn't just been a show for her.

"I don't want to own you. "

Pearl frowns, "It's not even relevant, Jasper. It's not about you or her. I said what I said at the barn. I'd like us to be able to work as a team, but I can't let myself... " she laughs, and it's ugly now, "Do you know, I nearly felt like I should kiss you? That's pearl training for you. It stays. "

Jasper feels sick, and nods. How could she even trust it, now that she's heard that. " It won't happen again. "

"No, it won't. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll today. 
> 
>  
> 
> [ Tumblr is the best way to see my art, submit prompts, ask questions ](http://fluffkills.tumblr.com)
> 
>  
> 
> I'm writing like hell, 10 days until In too deep and the very real possibility they're going to overhaul either Lapis or Jasper so much I won't be able to write this.


	18. Experience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper brings her expertise to the arena.

The morning light in the broken arena paints the clouds around the floating stone ground golden and honey along the lingering indigo shadows of night. The clash of sword against sword and shield, the sounds of exertion from the organic pair and Pearl's calm instructions resonate over the cracked marble stones, and even where Jasper sits, many yards away and several levels up, she can follow the lessons.

Watching the trio work together is a warming pleasure in the chilly air. Pearl is wonderfully efficient, but patient, and Jasper can only hope she was as good a teacher in the past. The duo are eager and quick to learn. But there's a lingering problem she can see, and finally she gets up, slowly making her way down during a pause in the active sparing.

Pearl looks up when she approaches with polite acknowledgement. " Yes, Jasper? " Her sparing partner turned trainer at least seems to know she wouldn't needlessly interrupt. Jasper frowns a little. She doesn't want to undermine the other gem's authority in this.

"Mind if I give Steven a few pointers? "

"While I appreciate your input, Jasper, you're here to watch, you're an axe fighter, not a sword one. " says Pearl primly. Jasper sighs internally. She already knew she wasn't Pearl's favourite this morning. This was not going to help.

"I trained a lot of different gems, and while I know you're an excellent sword wielder, the best I've seen, you never use a shield. " She can see Pearl turn prickly and defensive, as she does when her expertise and skill is questioned.

"I am perfectly capable of training with a shield, Jasper. Point one thing wrong!"

"Well, for one thing you're treating his shield as if it's a bracer and not a center gripped style, plus he should be resting it against himself as much as he can to conserve his strength, holding it out all the time is making his arm tired. He should roll his wrist to lead deflection, if he's always doing hard blocks the way you've got it he's going to break his arm the first time a serious hit lands. "

The pale gem is staring at her. Jasper gives her a sheepish smile. " Why don't we work together on this? I'll be the shield to your sword here? " Pearl's cheeks go azure for a moment, then she nods.

Jasper takes position behind Steven, dropping to her knee so she can gently guide Steven's arm so his shield rests against his shoulder , helping with his grip. " I see that Connie knows how to guard with her sword and shield herself on that side, so we need to get you used to using your weapon more. "

Steven says, "But I don't really _have_ a gem weapon. I have a shield. "

"I have a helmet. It's still a weapon, and a shield is even better. You can help use those blows against you and turn them back against themselves. You're blocking hard but you can be aggressive and strike first. " She can feel Steven's discomfort. Steven didn't have the bloodlust of a typical quartz, but she knew he felt their fierce protective nature.

"Just think of it as giving Connie a breather for a second. You need to both be able to fight and defend if you're going to be two halves of the whole. " She looks to Pearl. "Could you..." The other gem reads her intention immediately and makes a simple stroke down at the boy, and before Steven can react, Jasper is leading his block and showing how he should be not just guarding but hitting Pearl's sword hand. The whole thing was a slow pantomime compared to how fast a real fight goes, but she can still register the boy's surprise. The strike wasn't hard but Pearl still drops her sword, most likely to show willing.

"Ahhh! I'm sorry, are you okay!?" asks Steven when Pearl rubs her knuckles with a small smile.

"Perfectly fine. Nicely done. Now, Connie, if Steven is pushing back and striking, you need to keep your sword like this to guard you both...."

The pair of teachers worked in tandem, each guiding their charge until the young fighters motions become more and more natural. Jasper is amazed at how fast humans, or half human in one case, can learn. This probably would have taken many days, gem days, for a new solider from the kindergarten to move so smoothly. She suspects it wouldn't even take a few earth days for the children to match them, though they are refining the techniques that they know.

Laughing in delight as Steven blocks her punch with enough skill to leave her wrist stinging, Jasper grins at the duo. " Much better! " Pearl's looking pleased as well, and nods to her.

"Want to take this round and let me see what you've taught them? " the Crystal Gem asks with that little tease in her voice that makes Jasper long to show off. She cracks her knuckles and is gratified to see the pair look excited and not afraid of the wall of a gem. Good. Most gems they'd be going up against would be closer to her size and build, not Pearl's. Not to mention the corrupted monsters.

It was good to know that Steven wasn't frightened of her now. Little quartz, she hated seeing him anything less than tough and oblivious to her strength. It was endearing.

Flashing her helmet around her, she sees Connie's eyes light up. Right, she'd never seen her weapon.

"Just stop me, "the orange gem growls playfully, throwing a punch.

The swings were slower and softer than normal, and Jasper is ready to pull her punch if it looks like it'll connect to a tiny body, but she never has to. Soon they're moving faster, swinging around each other in a way that's almost like one mind, the two bodies in a dance as they easily counter blow after blow and start threatening to land strikes.

Swirling, swinging, glowing, and Jasper grunts as the shield hits her chin hard enough to throw her off her feet, the fighter landing on her rump in surprise, looking up at a smiling face that was familiar but different, one hand holding Rose's shield, the other the quartz sword.

The gem at the fighter's stomach, half covered by a low slung red sash around their waist, would make what this must be obvious to even the densest gem. The dark eyes register Jasper's shock, and worry flickers through them, the tall fusion stepping back as the gem stands, giving her a smile with a little more uncertainty. Jasper is amazed at how even the two outfits mixed, Steven's red shirt over their chest, Connie's combat pants and sash on their hips, wraps still around their hands, but hair in a pony tail, a fusion between braid and loose.

Laughing, the large warrior picks up her little charge and gives them a bear hug. " You fused! " The human fusion is laughing too now, weapons clattering to the combat floor as they hug back.

Holding the much taller fusion out at arm's length, like she would Steven, Jasper finds she can't stop smiling. Fusion was a tool, a weapon, a weakness, a crutch... but here it was, and it was just the most charming, sweet, perfect thing she'd ever seen.

"So, Steven. ..Connie? " the striped gem tries, and the fusion smiles in such a Steven way.

"We use Stevonnie...and we didn't know we could fuse fighting! Everyone always has to dance! "

"Oh my goodness, " breathes Pearl, moving closer as Jasper gently sets the fusion down. " This really shouldn't be possible..."

"Human fusion? " asks Jasper. She'd wondered that herself.

"Nooo, they've done this before, but it usually _is_ from dancing that gems can intentionally sync. " says Pearl, picking up Rose's sword. " Though, Garnet _was_ created by accident, the first time. I should know, I was there. " She smiles at Stevonnie, and the fusion smiles back, before they note, "It's pretty nice, being taller than you for once. "

"Hmmm, don't get used to it." says the gem in return with a wry smile.

"They _do_ fight like dancers. They get that from you, you make combat a performance, " says the former Homeworld loyalist with a deep chuckle, causing Pearl to flush again. Nodding at the fusion, Pearl says, "You can unfuse now so we can carry on..."

"But why? " says Jasper, looking over the fusion. " We should train them like this! " Stevonnie looks surprised by the suggestion as much as Pearl was. Glancing at their usual teacher, Stevonnie says,  "We've never really fought like this. We usually just hang around and have fun when we fuse. " The fusion rubs the back of their neck in a sheepish way.

Jasper gapes. But...no wonder this was such a lovely fusion. Not a trace of imbalance or conflict or monstrosity. The fighter strokes over Stevonnie's hair like she would their little halves. It was everything she liked about the little fighters, but somehow more and greater. Not just for strength, but kindness, sweetness.

"You're unbelievable. You stumble on the greatest weapon of the past war and you just fool around. " The warrior can't stop smiling and she can feel wetness in her eyes.

She loves these two. She never wants to see them suffer. Jasper wonders if the other gems feel like this towards Steven, this fierce protective urge that makes her want to be the softest around them and iron to anyone who'd harm them. It didn't matter that they would be gone in the blink of an eye, they were here, now, alive, and the warrior would cherish that.

"If you've never fought like this all the more reason to try. You already have the muscle memory, you _can_ fight like this, you just need to learn your strength and size now. " Pearl brings her hand to her mouth, fingers curled, mirroring her uncertainty, but then nods.

"I suppose it's good for you to learn. Are you able to maintain this long? "

"We have for most of a day. " says Stevonnie, and the Crystal Gem looks pleasantly surprised. "Oh! In that case we absolutely should! If you can fuse before we go against the cluster and maintain, I'll be much less..."

Jasper can hear the word 'worried' even as Pearl swaps out, "...preoccupied keeping track of two of you. "

Stevonnie nods, and holds a hand out for the sword again. Pearl hands it back, and with a flash, summons a quartet of holographic doppelgangers. Jasper steps back, nodding to the fellow teacher. "Don't go easy on them."

"I never do." says Pearl with that smile of hers, prim and vain and perfect. The simulation pearls charge Stevonnie and Jasper is gratified to see a shield punch take one out, and the fusion remembering their size and kicking back another.

"I'm surprised you're taking this so well. I know fusion still makes you uncomfortable. " adds the slender gem, nodding to herself as Stevonnie uses their added reach for a thrust.

"It's _them_. It's just so _them_. I don't think I ever really believed you about how good fusion could be before I saw this. That it could just be a nice experience, "

"You're around Garnet all the time, and you didn't know? "

"Garnet is always using her fusion skills, even when it's not obvious she is. She's also terrible at relaxing. Like me, honestly. " The last holopearl breaks, and Stevonnie looks at them, panting and grinning. Jasper nods and grins back. " These two just.. _are_. It's something special. "

Pearl claps, summoning six for them and adjusting the difficulty up. " Thirty seconds? I was going too easy... And fusion can be something special. It's whatever you bring into it. "

Jasper and Pearl watch the pair made one revel in being together and fighting together, and this time they needed two minutes to destroy the attacking holopearls, but they looked every bit as thrilled as the first time. And the next, until the sun was high in the sky and the fusion was mixing dancing with their moves and laughing and frustrating Pearl and making Jasper smile.

It was an experience. A good experience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Achievement Unlocked: Tiger Mom
> 
> I read up about fighting with a round shield before writing this but I probably still got things wrong, so sorry. But I have a wealth of information for later chapters!
> 
> I wrote half of this and deleted it and rested on it for two days and I really like this new version much better. Plus it has Stevonnie!
> 
> [Follow my tumblr, I'm expecting new H&V art soon and will be posting it there!](http://fluffkills.tumblr.com)


	19. Bear Hug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being scared is nothing to be ashamed of

Jasper never thought it would be an active relief to see Amethyst again, but she was even more shocked when the short fighter jumped her, clinging to her torso. Pearl had told her the two youngest gems were conflicted about what she’d revealed to the group, but Amethyst at least wasn’t going to dwell on it around her. She smirks, ruffling her hair. Such a quartz.

Peridot , on the other hand, was hanging back. It stung, but she can only imagine how she must look to the little technician. It was funny, the green gem had watched her get angry and punch things and punch gems and had always been willing to get right in her face. But things had changed on Earth, and Jasper imagines she must seem very unpredictable now. Peridot who felt she really had to be careful around her felt like half a Peridot.

Jasper sits on a broken pillar stump and holds out her hand to Peridot, and the green gem approaches cautiously.  Slowly, her small hand rests on Jaspers fingers while her girlfriend climbs the bigger quartz and hugs around her neck.

Jasper catches her eyes. Peridot shudders, and it makes the quartz feel sick inside. “Peridot.... I’ll never hurt any of you,” she says, though she isn’t entirely sure about Lapis, she can say that about confidence with the rest of the gems. Especially these little ones. Peridot very slowly squeezed a finger.

“When did I even so much as touch you on the ship?” asks the large fighter, and Peridot frowns. “You know I dislike unexpected contact,” the green gem says testily. Jasper smirks. “And if I can respect that, do you really think I’d hurt you in a fight? Shards, Peri,” the nickname Amethyst uses comes naturally from her lips now, ”all I want to do is see you survive. That’s what I’ve been training you two for. I never want to see you shattered.”

“What would happen.. if I did?” asks the technician turned rebel. Jasper tilts her head. “What do you want to have happen? “

“Yo.... Jas, don’t _talk_ about this, you’ll freak her out!” growls the smaller quartz hanging from her, and Jasper turns her head to see Amethysts glare.

“Amethyst, it _could happen._ You’ve been very lucky, and Steven can heal, but I’ve seen your... collection. You can’t heal shattered gems, and maybe you and your friends have an unstated idea that you’ll be contained if that happens, “ Amethyst is making a face and her hands are trying to cover Jasper’s mouth. With a quick motion, she puts the purple gem in a headlock and growls at her as she struggles. Peridot jumps back as her girlfriend kicks and spits like an angry badger, but Jasper does nothing more than hold her in place.

“AMETHYST! _This is not a joke!_ I don’t want to think about us dying either but it’s my job! And if that happens, I need to know what Peridot wants for herself. We’re not fighting under the Authority,” she says, turning the question back to the technician. “No one here will use you if you fall. Do you want to be bubbled and hope for the best? Or ....”

Jasper can feel Amethyst chewing on her arm and kicking her side as Peridot ponders the question. She had faith in the little gem. She was a pain, and her logic was sometimes faulty, but she would at least think over questions rather than avoiding them.

It was an ungenerous thought, but Jasper is reminded that Amethyst really was a quartz. She wouldn’t think about this until it was too late. She had no idea how many quartz thought like herself instead. More than Homeworld assumed, but probably not as many as Jasper would like. Perspective and introspection came with age and experience, and many quartz didn’t make it that far.

“I...  think being bubbled would be what I want. The idea of being harvested is terrifying, though.”

“The gems here would never do that.”

“I know. I mean, I am considering your... former team mates. If.. if harvest or shattering were the only options, I would have preferred the latter. I am sure they would appreciate knowing you made the logical choice. “ Jasper frowns and looks away.

“It’s not an easy choice. Believe me.”

“Easy is not always the correct choice. I should know.” Peridot smiles with some confidence. “I did in fact inform the actual Yellow Diamond of her incompetence handling Earth. And I was made for her.”

Jasper laughs and nods. “You’re a spitfire, Peridot. You’ll always go toe to toe.” She feels Amethyst shift and suddenly there’s a fluffy thing with teeth and claws writhing from her grasp to bite her.

“What the ever loving stars.. you little brat!”  Jasper thinks she recognizes it, a burr or something, and she grabs the growling shifted Quartz by her scruff. Amethyst shifts back, glaring at her.

Jasper frowns, and says, “I know you’re just trying to protect her, but Peridot is fine! You can’t avoid these thoughts forever!”

“Says you!” says the young gem, peevishly. “ _I’m_ not scared of that stuff.”

“Of course you are, we both are! I’m terrified!” Amethyst looks shocked. Jasper slowly puts her down, regretting her words immediately. She needed to be strong for these little ones.

But then again, wasn’t that what was causing the problems with Amethyst right now? The idea that none of her caste could ever allow themselves to be weak? She was weak in solitude, but maybe she needed to be strong and set an example.

Sitting back, she crosses her legs and pats her lap. Amethyst automatically sits, leaning back, looking unsure. Jasper wonders if her need for physical contact, which was pretty strong even for a quartz , came from being left in an empty Kindergarten.

Peridot was much more reluctant, but with some coaxing, she sits beside her girlfriend.

“This feels.. weird,” she mutters, flushing as Amethyst hugs her. Jasper ruffles Amethyst’s hair, though that’s partially so she doesn’t touch Peridot like she’s tempted to. The little gem would hate that, she’s already pushing herself.

“You’re not really scared of stuff,  are ya, Jasper?” asks Amethyst, once she has her armful of green and is resting her head back against the much larger warrior. Jasper leans back. The clouds today were especially beautiful, rising into mountains around them, bright white mile high castles of vapor.

“I am. I know what you’re thinking, Amethyst, we’re built to the same type. You have this voice inside you tell you you have to be strong, be tough, never let them see you suffer. I have that. Rose had that. You have it. “ Jasper laughs under her breath. “And it turns out Rose’s power was in her tears. A quartz that cries. It was disgusting to me, back then.” 

Amethyst squirms, but Jasper can feel Peridot moving to comfort her. She would have never guessed the technician to care about another gem’s feelings so much. The green gem was very... blunt, which was something she both hated and liked when they had to work together.

“You watch it. Rose was _great!”_ says Amethyst, peevishly. Rose would have been the only quartz she ever knew, that wasn’t a monster. Or Jasper.

“My point is...” says the large gem,”  We can’t be tough all the time. And I want to be strong, but I get scared. I’m scared for you both when we go to the Cluster. I worry about Steven and Connie...” she sighs.

“Hey! I’m tough, I can take the cluster!” growls Amethyst, and Jasper knows it’s only Peridot against her keeping the large fighter from having a bear in her lap. Jasper smiles.

“We’re going to make it. But it’s fine if sometimes you worry we aren’t, shorty. I just want you all to come back safe.”

“Jasper...” says Peridot, her voice low.”You also should come back safe, yes?”

The warrior shrugs. That wasn’t as important. She always went in knowing she may never see another sunrise. Losing someone else was much worse than that.

“A-amethyst, your grip is exceedingly tight... are you crying?!” comes the voice from the technician, and Jasper smiles to herself. Maybe she was wrong to encourage the little quartz to feel, but she knows they’re in there anyway.  Better to find ways to let it out before it hurt her anymore than it probably was.

She wraps her arms around the pair and can feel Peridot’s struggles increase for a moment before the gem sighs and goes limp. She’s sure Peridot is pouting.  She tries to ignore the murmurs of love from the purple gem, mixed with snorts as she snots all over the poor technician. Jasper was just happy to be their rock.

She can feel Peridot shift and she murmurs, “Rubbing her back will help.” The technician starts to do so and Jasper grins. She’d never imagined that Peridot could change so much.  And, well, quartz were very contact oriented.

Amethyst calms herself and murmurs apologies, and the fighter shrugs.  No one made any move to separate though, not even Peridot, who seemed much more relaxed.

Jasper tries not to think of the little ruby from so many years ago. This would be different. She won’t let them down. She won’t fail.

“I thought this was supposed to be training?” comes a dryly teasing voice, and Jasper blinks. Pearl is arriving from the stairs. “I came to see how things were going. Taking a break?”

Jasper smiles, and opens her arms, showing the two gems snug in her lap. Amethyst looks like she’s been crying, and Pearl immediately spots that. The striped fighter says, to cut off any misunderstanding, “I was just explaining it’s fine to be scared. It’s just hard for us quartz to show it.” Leaving her arm out , the invitation is silent and obvious, and Amethyst does the same, reaching out for the slender gem.

The purple gem seems to tip the balance. Jasper knows her and Pearl are in a strange space right now, but she clearly cares for her team mate, so Pearl slides into the lap, nesting behind Amethyst and hugging her and her girlfriend. Peridot notes, “I hardly think this is needed, I am very competent at making her feel comforted.” The other gems all laugh at her pride at that fact, and Jasper gives the group a squeeze, before she feels Pearl tense.

Pretending nothing was wrong, she casually lets go, and leans back, propping herself up on her hands and feeling the gentle weight of the three gems. She hums to herself, and there’s another gasp.

“Jasper, you’re musically capable?” says Peridot, and the orange gem laughs. “Every gem can sing. Or they used to be able to. You seem to be able to, so  they never took it out of our design. “

“Ye-es, but you never do.” Jasper thinks. She hadn’t, no. Singing was generally a happy thing, and had she been happy much on Earth? No. This right now, the time with the children that were friends of Steven and the day with Stevonnie... and... very briefly, kissing Pearl, those are the only times she can think of where her heart was just simply happy.

“You never join in when we sing,” says Pearl, agreeing with Peridot. Jasper shrugs. “Maybe some day. Maybe never. I’m not much of a singer. But I have missed music.”

“I know a song! I even wrote it!” says Peridot.  Amethyst smiles and Jasper chuckles at how affectionate the pair was. She supposes she should be envious, but the Peridot she knew before Earth had generally been mostly angry or busy working or boastful, seeing her delight in just being around others was novel.

 “I’m surprised you ever found time for that,” she teases the technician, who says primly, “Working hard is important, but feeling good is also important.”

“Dude, you _totally_ stole that from Steven!”

“It’s.. it’s still valid!”

They all laugh. The striped gem watches as the mountains of clouds slowly change their shapes around them. “I _am_ feeling good. Homeworld doesn’t have a lot of time for that sort of thing anymore.”

“I know. Myself, I primarily worked on assignments or did training. I believe this is the most.. leisure time I’ve had in such a short period without being injured. “ agrees Peridot, as she nuzzles Amethyst's warm hair.

The Crystal Gems exchange glances. “Lapis told me Homeworld changed quite a bit from when we were there. But I was wondering if her impression was biased because her rank has no meaning anymore, “ says Pearl, stroking Amethyst’s hair.

“I didn’t even know she was important. I wondered, I thought I remembered her from the old days. Court days. But she never said, even when we were trapped together.”

“She doesn’t, does she? She chooses what to tell me, that’s certainly true. I don’t think she’d have ever told me anything that would paint her in a bad light like you did,” says Pearl, and she’s smiling a soft smile. Jasper isn’t sure she understands, but hopes it’s out of respect for her honesty instead of amusement.

“So, you guys don’t have any fun on Homeworld?” says Amethyst, kicking her legs slightly as she shifts to nestle more, Peridot and her becoming a stack on Pearl.

“It was a _different_ sort of satisfaction,” says Peridot.

“There was a lot more like this, before the war, Amethyst.  Parties. Music. Songs. Just being around one another. But those things became dangerous. Now work is the primary goal. It’s hard, every gem needs down time, though some of the newer ones less than us on ones. But the newer ones don’t last as long.” Peridot starts to hear that.

“Calm yourself, techie. Just.. for soldiers that’s the case. We can’t push as hard in our work as long. I don’t think most of the lower level ones even last a thousand years now. Some of the ruby squads don’t have a gem over five hundred. “

Pearl and Amethyst make small noises of concern, but Peridot obviously doesn’t catch how dire that is. She’s more reassured about her caste.

“And  you’re... you were made here, yes?” asks Pearl, and Jasper blushes. She’s not sure why.

“Yes, I was. Earth born. Earliest batches I think. So I’m pushing 17? I think? If we’re going earth time.”

Peridot frowns. “Seventeen hundred? If I calculate correctly, that’s not much older than me.”

Jasper laughs. “THOUSAND.  Seventeen thousand. Pearl?” Pearl blushes herself now, though at least for gems it usually wasn’t a rude question. “I’m probably another ten thousand. Though converting the time is hard from before on Homeworld. And the time there melds together, when you’re just a decoration. “

That quieted the mood a little, before Pearl adds, “Earth has a lot more energy!” The group could agree on that. Jasper hadn’t stayed on Earth after she’d been made, that wasn’t the point, but even old Homeworld was busy though not exactly lively. Interactions between soldiers were casual when they weren’t fighting, but with any other gems it was more formal. Much like Peridot, it had been a long time since she’d had so much leisure, though it hadn’t always been enjoyable.

Peridot’s been doing the math, and squeaks, “You’re practically as old as the Diamonds!” Pearl starts to laugh, glancing at Jasper. “No, no, the Diamonds were here long before I was. I wasn’t even close to the first court pearl. “

“Yeah, she just looks that old 'cause of the stick up her butt!” says Amethyst, cackling, and Peridot looks puzzled as Jasper snorts and Pearl rages at her younger team mate.

Suddenly her lap is full of a small tussle as Amethyst teases Pearl, trying to squish her face and show how wrinkly she was, Pearl trying to keep the pest’s hands off her, and Peridot trying to push the pair away with her feet.  Jasper can’t stop laughing. Humans had been the main source of just feeling good lately, but for once, being with the other gems made her feel home. It was everything she missed from her past and tried to forget ever meant anything.

Connie couldn’t believe she’d used to pull pranks and have fun. Honestly, Jasper could hardly believe it anymore. It was like another world, one as lost to her as Homeworld now. Her strong arms wrap around the group, smooshing them together and into her as the fighter grins while they squirm and curse her involvement.

Then she has an armful of bear and Peridot and Pearl are laughing too.

Working hard is important, but feeling good was also important.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry at the HUGE BREAK between the last chapter and this. I actually have a lot written for the later story, including part of the climax, which I've rewritten based on the last couple of episodes.
> 
> THIS FIC IS NOW FULLY DIVERGENT FROM THE SERIES AND DOESN'T FOLLOW SUPER WATERMELLON ISLAND.  
> We will find out about how Jasper and Lapis came to be with the gems but it does not follow that.
> 
> Hopefully we can move forward now and I have my funky flow.
> 
>  
> 
> [Tumblr for all the news, art, and ideas](http://fluffkills.tumblr.com/)


	20. Ocean Jasper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> By the seaside, the warrior plays

The ocean swirls around her legs, as Jasper feels the breakers crack across her thighs wetly . The gem holds out her hand and there’s a flurry of white wings as the screaming seabirds surround her, trying to grab the bread from her hand, fighting over it midair until crumbs land in the surf. She laughs as they push off from her head and wheel around her in a flock.

Suddenly a larger wave than normal crashes over her stomach and the gem jumps. She can feel the creeping panic return. She slowly turns to return to the beach, Steven and Connie watching her, sitting under an umbrella.

“I need more bread...” says the gem, trying to keep her tension from her voice. This had been her idea; Lapis was as far from her as she was likely to be, so now was the time to get over this whole water thing.

Steven and Connie had seen her with her toes in the surf , attempting to coax a seagull just out of her reach. The loaf was retrieved from the house, and the pair were watching her efforts with quiet patience under a beach umbrella, a blanket spread under them dotted with stars.

“I still can’t believe you’re consorting with the enemy...” says Connie dramatically, her sword lying beside the pair as she idly looks through a book. It was some new fantasy series she was trying to finish before next weekend and the upcoming battle.

“You do realize I am doing that every single day, right?” says Jasper with a grin as Steven digs more slices from the bag of bread to hand to her, only to have one snatched from his fingers by an impatient bird.

Jasper’s reflexes kick in and she snatches it out of the seagull’s beak as it takes off. “Bad! Wait your turn,” she growls as it tries to get it back from her until she closes her fingers around the treat, shielding it from the avian invader.

She turns to get the other slice from Steven, only to see the pair staring at her, eyes wide and mouths open. A slow smile spreads across her face, cocky. Still, she had to ask why.

“How did you even DO that?” asks Connie, and Jasper glances at her hand. AH, was that all?

“Know how I said my friend called me Streaky? Jaspers are fast and I’m quick even for a Jasper when I want to be. Though generally only in my spin attack. “ She’s not fast like some gems, but it always startles the agile ones when she meets them hit for hit. Pearl could get past her with her flexible speed but it certainly wasn’t for lack of Jasper’s own skill and reflexes.

Impulsively, Jasper grins at the little fighters. “Want to see something cool?” She’s picked up the world from Amethyst and Steven, but it is exactly right for this. The pair gasp and nod.

“May I?” she asks, holding a hand out and nodding to the sword Connie has beside her. She passes it over without hesitation. Jasper gets a shiver when she draws the blade. Rose Quartz’ sword. A year ago, this would have inspired such a mixture of hate and admiration. She can’t stop a nearly feral grin from her lips, even now.

“Right. “ she looks at the flock of gulls wheeling around, squabbling on the beach, eager for more food, and tosses the slice to them. Screaming, there’s a flurry of white as they pounce on it.

“Now that I have their attention.... toss a slice at me, Steven.”

She had to time this just right, otherwise she’d have a dead bird or three. As the birds launch themselves at the bread, Jasper twists her wrist, slicing it in three before flicking it onto the waves, laughing as the gulls stream past her into the surf for the food.

Jasper tosses the sword and catches it with a grin, bathing in the admiration of the smaller beings. She didn’t do swords as a rule, but she’d learned the basics and she had been observing Pearl very carefully.

Connie grins back and pulls up the beach umbrella, closing it and holding it out. “En guarde!” she says, and Jasper blinks, before she waves the item in a way that made it clear she meant something to do with sword fighting. The quartz smirks, and growls, “You’ll never take me whole, you scum!” before baffing the umbrella with the flat of the blade.

The laughing pair spun around each other, and Jasper’s ‘strike’ is deflected by the umbrella. “Our valiant forces will never bow to you!” says Connie, her voice going theatrical to match Jasper’s. Jasper’s eyes narrow and she snaps her finger. Her cape flashes around her shoulders.

“We shall see, rebel!” she says, getting into her role. It felt weird, but she knew Connie was merely aping the adventures they both enjoyed watching. They touch sword to umbrella a few more times, until Jasper goes and grabs Steven.

“Aha! I’ve taken your fair princess!” Steven gasps and wiggles in her arm, laughing. Connie giggles and says, “We won’t be vanquished!”They trade blows a few more times, before Jasper lets the little human get her right across the gut, making sure to have a very dramatic death before rolling onto the sand, squishing Steven under her.

“Get ooooff” comes the muffled cries, and Jasper can feel him pushing up against her. He’s far stronger than a human would be, and actually lifts her a fraction before she rolls off, laughing. “I’m defeated, do your worst..” she says to the pair, and the duo climb on her to give her a hug.

“Is this what you were like when you were younger?” Connie asks, and Jasper blushes, remembering their conversation. Hard to believe she’d ever had fun. It was coming easier and easier though. The striped gem shrugs and nods.

“Sometimes. I don’t know what you think, but Homeworld has beauty. And when I was made here the kindergardens were full of life. Gems like to think we’re all the same for the same type, but that’s not true. Peridot here, she’s got a lot of guts for one. They’re much less assertive normally. And, well, I had a wicked sense of humour, for a Jasper.” Steven rests across her stomach as she looks up into the sky. Somewhere up there was the old arena. She sighs softly.

“Do you miss your home?” asks the young Quartz with his trademark empathy.

“Of course I do. But I miss how it was more. For now, here is where I am. I might as well try to have fun with it.” Jasper watches the gulls above her, like mobile clouds.

A tempting thought fills the back of her mind. It was cloying, and she bites her lip, but it wouldn’t leave her. “Steven, you have your tablet that does pictures, yes?” she asks, slowly.” The young fusion shifts against her and sits up. “Mmm my phone? Yeah, I have it. Do you want a picture of us?!”  He sounds so excited she shrugs and chuckles. “Sure, we’ll start with that.” Steven hugs around her neck and says, “Say Cheese!” as Connie leans in.

“Cheese?” says Jasper, confused, and there was a click. Checking, the image seemed to be good. She looked puzzled, but smiles would be unsettling this close.

But then it was time for the real question. Jasper knew she shouldn’t. But while Rose Quartz was the enemy, she went farther than any of her caste had ever in the history of the gemkind. You’d have to be rock cold to not admire that, as a quartz. At least a little.

The huge warrior shifts, and the children slide off of her reluctantly. Her hand had never left Connie’s sword, or.. more properly, Rose Quartz’. And that was the thing, wasn’t it? But this next part, this was a delicate question. It would be almost insanely impolite to ask of a gem unless necessary.

She flushes darkly. “Steven, may I hold your shield?” Gem weapons were invariably linked to the gem in question, it was a personal, intimate connection.  But the young quartz had no such boundaries, of course not. He was a very generous spirit. He summons it with a smile and then bows, handing it over, as if she was some sort of honoured combatant.

She takes the large shield, and of course it fits her arm well. Her and Rose were a comparable build in the arms, though it wasn’t always easy to see. It didn’t matter it was on the wrong arm, at least.

The sea breeze teases her hair, and she smiles a little. Her cape is covered in sand now, so she dismisses it with a puff of sparkles. The former Homeworld warrior, feared by rebels the planet over, poses with the weapons of her long gone foe.

“How do I look?” the striped gem asks, with a cocky smile. The children grow stary eyed, and Steven holds up the phone, taking a few shots. As he carries on, she starts to do different poses, before putting the point of the sword in the sand as she checks them out on the small screen.

“You look pretty impressive,” says Connie, and Steven nods, before frowning. “Half of these I cut off part of your head. You’re too tall. Let’s try this again and, um... I’ll step waaay back.” Jasper nods, yanking the sword free.

Considering the shot, she backs up herself, until the breakers of the ocean hit the back of her legs.

“Oh, dramatic!” says Connie, approvingly, and Steven lines up the shot.

“Jasper!”

Jasper nearly drops the sword, and Steven’s shield disperses, the boy looking as guilty as she feels now. She quickly holds out the sword and Connie skitters over to grab it from her as Pearl strides over to the trio. The striped gem has never felt so much like a ruby in trouble.

Pearl’s face isn’t angry, though. It’s confusing, tight but sad, at least when she approaches. Taking a breath, Jasper stands at attention as if Pearl was a commanding Benitoite.

“Jasper, how could you?”  The question’s pain makes the gem shudder.

“Ah... I... just wanted to see what I ..” sputters the warrior, before sighing. “I won’t do it again.”

“No! You won’t! That flag was bad enough, are you TRYING to mock everything Rose stood for?”  Jasper winces, avoiding the small gem’s gaze, the sudden anger just as shocking as the first time she faced it.

“No, I.. “ She wanted to be Rose. A quartz who mattered. A quartz who inspired and was loved. Not just some old Jasper, a punching machine. Her fingers brush down her arm.

Pearl sounds tired. “I thought we were finally starting to become a team.”

Jasper sighs, and can see the children are worried. “Gems aren’t supposed to touch other’s gem weapons like that,” the fighter explains to them, and Connie re-sheaths the sword, avoiding Pearl as well.

“Jasper just wanted to look cool..” Steven says, showing the slim gem the photo. This one was a lot better, the sun over her shoulder lighting the waves, and some birds in the sky. The water sparkled around her legs, and her mane looked wonderful, tossing in the salty breeze. It wasn’t quite straight, but it was very pleasing. The gem wonders idly if there’d be some way to keep this, should she ever leave the planet.

Pearl takes a long moment, looking at the trio, and bites her lip. “I see. It’s.. a good look, yes. But don’t do that again.”

“No.”

“We’ll get you an axe.”

“Right.. wait, what?” Jasper frowns, looking at the Pearl, who gives her a small smile in return, a certain pleased twinge to her gaze now. “An axe.  I can’t take you to where it’s kept, but if you tell me the style you prefer, I’m sure I’ll pick out a good match.”

Steven looks so excited that Jasper was worried he might break himself, but he pops his hands over his mouth.

“Oh, that weird weapon room Lion took us to?” says Connie, only to be met with an angry glare. “CONNIE! Rose’s armory is supposed to be a secret.”

Jasper chuckles a little, the worry that had been paralyzing her melting away. “It’s fine, I wouldn’t dream of asking where she’s hidden it. I’ll tell you what, Pearl, you’ve seen me move, why don’t you pick out a weapon for me. “Pearl smiles, teal touching her cheeks, before she nods. Jasper rubs under her mane,  before pulling her fingers through her hair, getting the last of the sand from it. She shakes it out.

Pearl seems to consider the idea, before clapping her delicate hands together. “Are you aware of... the axes of ages?” she asks, her voice artful. Jasper starts. Only the highest of quartz warriors had been known to carry those, an elite squad grown on Homeworld and already several millennia old before they’d arrived to fatally crush the gem rebellion. They’d fallen , though the stories on how were conflicted, and some said they’d been holding off the rebel army before the final weapon was used on the planet to wipe them clean, keeping them from the warp pads and protecting the retreating gems in the final hours.

It would truly be an honour beyond honour to even see them.

“You can’t be serious...” Jasper says, her eyes wide.

“They had a Jasper on that team too, I remember. Ocean Jasper.”

“You REMEMBER?” says the warrior, amazed and confounded, before remembering right as Pearl notes, “I was the renegade Pearl, at Rose’s side. Of course I went up against them.“

Jasper looks at the slender servant turned fighter with renewed appreciation. Of course, Rose was someone to admire, if reluctantly on Jasper’s part, since the terrible warlord also was the source of so much of her heartache. And the greatest quartz of the ages were each a beacon of gem power and prowess.

Pearl had no such power. She was elegant and fragile and pretty.

Jasper had no doubt she’d taken down at least one of those grand elites. She feels a strange pang of honour even now. Fighting Pearl was like sparing with her heroes, her legends, her dreams. All wrapped up in something as delicate as a discarded shell on the beach.

“Ocean Jasper’s axe it is...” she says, grinning, as the waves crash against her calves. They seemed like a positive force for once, pushing her forward. Jasper’s willing to take the sign as it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOW ABOUT THAT NEW EPISODE!
> 
> Unlike the last one, that took the wind out of my sails, this one is playing SO WELL into what I had planned for Lapis.
> 
> TO NOTE: This is AU now, Jasper and Lapis did not separate as shown in show, BUT when I can, I'll try and weave in plot we're learning from the new episodes. Any time when it deviates, I just can't work them with the plot I have in mind. As much as possible, firm stuff like the past of the gems and object and items we'll learn about will be Incorporated. 
> 
> The Axes of Ages and the elite ancient Quartz team with them was already planned, but now their deaths are a nobler thing, guarding the last gems and dying in the blast of Homeworld's ultimate weapon. 
> 
>  
> 
> [My tumblr is full of all sorts of stuff! Also feel free to note or message me there](http://fluffkills.tumblr.com/)


	21. Stormforged Axe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fight in a storm

The legendary axe of Ocean Jasper was plainer than Jasper's mind's eye had expected, but she mentally shakes herself for her disappointment.  She'd been watching too many fantastic Earth epics, where the fighting was nonsense and the weapon's beauty was more important than function for a hero. 

Ocean Jasper had been a hero who'd had a plain axe in the labrys design, in fact the sort Jasper was used to using. The thing was exactly her size, and when Pearl walked in to the beach house with it over her shoulder, Jasper couldn't stop smiling. 

It had been decades since she'd held an axe, and millennia since she'd been expected to use one in her arms as a regular tool.

Pearl hands it over with a reverence Jasper wasn't expecting from an enemy,  and the powerful gem swears she feels a tingle as she takes it.

"No more swords, please,”says Pearl, looking at the fighter and smiling her enigmatic smile.  Jasper takes a swing in the air to test the balance, and the slim gem jumps back before gasping,”JASPER!  No weapons in the house! "

"Is that a _real_ rule, or are you just saying that because you'll think I'll hit something? " asks the fighter with a cheeky smile at the nervous gem before her.  Pearl huffs.

"Believe me, it’s a proper rule.  Amethyst has lived here a lot longer than you, Jasper. "

"I'm insulted,” says Jasper in response, but she chuckles as she does so.  This was the best gift she can remember receiving. Soldiers, even high ranking ones, didn’t go in for luxuries,  and rarely accepted gifts even when offered.  After the war, Jasper had even been offered a pearl.  She'd declined. They were soft things,  not suitable for her.

A weapon, one as storied as this one, was so perfect that the martial gem worried she'd shatter from the joy of holding it.  Fingers brushed along the grip, slightly smooth and worn from eons of use.  Her smile was broad and Pearl flushes looking at her.  Jasper can't help herself, and holds out her hand.

“Come on, let’s test this out at the arena. I've missed my favourite partner.  “Pearl goes a bright teal,  but Jasper can't help herself. So much of who she used to be had been coming back.  She'd found herself volatile and strained and often humourless after the war. 

She missed the past, where she could smile without it being a snarl. And past her would have absolutely flirted with a gem as attractive as Pearl. When Pearl puts her small hand in Jasper's,  the fighter winks.  She's sure Pearl knows what she's doing, but the other gem is complicit in the action, teasing back slightly.

“I’m sure a gem like you had had many of those.”

Jasper laughs and draws her onto the warp pad, tugging Pearl to pull the much slighter and light gem to her. Pearl laughs as she bumps into Jasper, and extracts her fingers before they warp, but she's still smiling.

Storm clouds pile ominously around the arena, the sky above them clear but the space surrounded by a sky the colour of a livid bruise on an amethyst. The effect was striking and dramatic.  The clouds boil under the eons old base and wind whips Jasper's thick mane of hair.  

Pearl pauses, looking around, and the striped fighter stops on the stairs from the pad. She looks around. Lightning jumps from cloud to cloud in the far distance. It was beautiful, but perhaps not something the other gem wanted to get wrapped up in.

“We could just do this on the beach? I didn’t realise how far away the arena was from the house, that the weather might be different.” This storm wasn’t even a line on the horizon there. This place could be a thousand miles away, for all the gem knew.

Pearl is just... looking at her. Jasper can’t help but smile. She’d had admiring stares back home, but it rarely meant anything to her. “No?” The pale gem seems to shake herself out of wherever her mind had gone.

“Ah? No, no, I’m fine with this. We can’t predict the weather when we have to deal with gem monsters, after all.” Jasper nods. She snaps her fingers and her cape appears, before she heads up the stairs.

“Oh come now, is that really necessary?” says Pearl, sounding annoyed but looking bemused when the fighter glances over her shoulder.

The warrior considered. “I HAD worn this to try and fight with Rose Quartz; it’s about time it got some use.” Pearl laughs and shakes her head, but Jasper can feel her gaze lingering longer than normal. It didn’t have to mean anything. It didn’t have to be anything. It was just fun to feel attractive.

The wind throws her cape about, and Jasper knows she’s being silly, it was harder to fight like this, but catching sight of Pearl watching her as she selects her swords was enough to kept it in place. “It is a good look for you,” Pearl admits with her slightly condescending smile that was both maddening and appealing. “Because it makes you look like an amateur.”

Jasper laughs at that, testing her new axe, feeling its weight in her hand. It was a two handed one, but she’s more than strong enough to swing it with her dominant left. “Fine, fine. I suppose it’d be better with a sword and shield. The axe will just tangle.” She shrugs it off  the heavy cape, letting it fall to the arena floor, instead of dephasing it.

Pearl smiles. “Much better. You really don’t have to primp and pose for me, you know.” Jasper grins and winks, and her sparring partner rolls her eyes. “And you really don’t need to be such a tease. It won’t get you anywhere.”

“I know. Maybe I just like feeling like a sexy beast some days.” Pearl’s laugh is loud , her slender hand going to her mouth at the unexpected phrase. The warrior isn’t offended. Instead, she twirls the axe, hand over hand, before setting the butt of the shaft down on the ground.

Pearl faces her, a dozen yards back, and smiles. Taking a silk scarf, she tosses it high. It slowly flutters to the ground, the duo watching it intently, the wind catching it and making it hard to predict. When fabric touches stone, Jasper pushes off  from the balls of her feet, her axe swinging in a neat arc that would have sliced Pearl in half had the agile gem not leapt, landing on the flat of the two headed blade and striking at Jasper’s throat with her sword, the larger gem leaning back quickly to avoid the blow.

Before, they’d trusted each other not to accidentally poof the other into a gem. Today, silently, they’d somehow agreed on no such restraints. The strikes were far more lethal, both gems avoiding the central stones of the other but nothing else. Pearl’s trailing sash was sliced free by a near miss. Jasper’s cheek stings where a sword had just nicked it.

Lightning cracks around them as the thick of the storm enters the area, the wind picking up and carrying Jasper’s cape for a few yards before she sees and blinks it away. The silk scarf is lost to an errant gust.

Somewhere far below them, the landscape is being doused with torrents of rain, but around them, the heavy black clouds piling up around the boarder of the area and spilling over in gouts of grey like waves, the main threat was the crackle of the electricity. Jasper laughs, her eyes glowing as a bolt barely misses the pair.

“Dare you to catch one on a sword!” she says, wild with bloodlust now, her blow with the butt of her weapon deflected by Pearl, who pushes it up as she tries to get the warrior’s abs only to take a hit from the fighter’s leg.

“I hate when quartz get like this!” says Pearl, as the pair separate and circle again. Her cyan eyes flash, and she leaps high, coming down with her dual blades just as a bolt cracks down behind her, the flash blinding Jasper for a moment, but she’s already rolling. She can hear the twang of the blades behind her as they hit stone, and then swish at her back, the boom of the lightning leaving her ears sore but not deafening her like it would a human.

Her eyes were another matter, and the gem grunts as she hits a pillar hard enough to crack it , the after images of the bright light still filling her eyes set her head spinning. Turning, she can feel the point of a sword against the base of her spine. Even in her current state, Jasper pauses in her attack. The warrior can feel her hair fluffing out from the static around them, sparks crackling where she touches. A strange tingle goes down her spine and the thick pale hair on her head starts to stand. She can see the same for Pearl's peachy locks. Risking poofing, the fighter makes a split second decision and lifts her axe high.

The crack of the lightning that was trying to decide which gem to ground through cuts through her body as it hits the axe. The axe of Ocean Jasper was probably more sturdy than actual Jasper, and the large fighter is half deaf and blind and she can feel her gem glowing brightly as the excess energy overflows her. She can tell she's laughing, but it takes a moment to hear it.

Pearl is saying something too, and she blinks owlishly as she tries to see, but the after images make her vision flashes of bruised purple. "... you're impossible, and we really have to go, can you hear... Oh, there we go. " Pearl's hearing must have returned when Jasper's had.

Jasper tries to move and shifts sideways, her legs having trouble working. She keeps laughing. Suddenly a slim arm is around her waist.

"Ugh, you're too much like Rose sometimes." Jasper wasn't entirely sure she'd heard that right, and tries to stop her glee at catching lightning, pushing it down to a broad smile and occasional chuckles.

"Come on, I know where the warp pad is from here, and try not to make us fall off and die... Are you giggling? Oh my stars, why are quartz so insane in battle." Jasper can just make out the words through the ringing in her ears.

The fighter huffs, but can't stop smiling . She's punch drunk now, the processing her gem is trying to do for all the electricity making her loopy, though proper fighting had wound her up.

Quartz live to fight. They're built for it. It brings them joy, when it's good and pure and the pulse of energy in one's gem matches every blow and you can see victory, taste it.

The stairs to the warp pad were much more risky now, both gems half blind, Jasper having difficulty walking straight. She'd be, if not fine, at least functional in five or six minutes, she's survived much worse, even since when she'd arrived on the planet. Shards,  her arrival was worse than this!  But Pearl clearly doesn't want to wait.

There's a deafening crack from above as yet another bolt grounds itself in the arena, just above them. Jasper feels obscurely proud that the old gem building has lasted this long with these regular attacks.

Almost before the fighter can think, there's a shifting feeling and a cry from the other gem, the loud boom and narrow stairway combining to cause Pearl to stumble, her feet over the void for a tantalizing moment before she's hauled up by the quartz with a huff. Jasper can feel her wriggling in frustration.

"Put me down, I'm supposed to be guiding you! " says Pearl, her annoyance clear. Jasper ignores it, walking with her axe hand brushing the wall, and steps onto the pad, holding onto the smaller gem until they land on the other side, back in the beach house.

The gentle silence and warmth was almost overwhelming after the storm. The sun was still bright, the sky clear, the waves gentle. Pearl manages to extract herself from the fighter with a huff. "That was completely unnecessary! " she says, and through the flashes in her vision Jasper can see she's blushing.

With a groan, Jasper lowers herself onto the couch. It strains. " I can't help it, " she says with a broad grin in the face of her sparring partner' s angry flush.

Pearl turns. " Why do you always have to be so protective? " she says with a sigh. Sitting up a little straighter, and setting her weapon aside with veneration, Jasper frowns as she considers that statement.

"Have I been?"

In the kitchen, Pearl pauses in washing her hands. Jasper’s vision is clearing, her resilience coming to her aid. Now she can clearly see the pale gem's lips tight, how the water pours into the sink over her still fingers.

"Not so much you, I suppose. Quartz gems, in general," Pearl finally says. Thoughtful. Distant.

"It's what we were made for, " says Jasper with a laugh, but it dries up when Pearl's expression only grows more grim. "I wouldn't want to change that. Of course, Jaspers are a bit proactive about it, " Something about this is still upsetting Pearl, and Jasper tries to find the right thing to say. Her golden gaze falls to the axe on the table before her.

"You're protective too. I _know_ you are. " Jasper's fingers brush over the handle of the axe. What had it seen, before it's mistress was lost? "You said you remembered Ocean Jasper. Did you face her?"

Pearl turns off the water and dries her hands, carefully hanging up the little towel. Her silence seems different this time, and Jasper catches a small smile on her lips.

Sitting beside the large warrior, Pearl's fingers brush across the gem in her forehead. A battle appears before them, and there's a sharp gasp. Jasper is ashamed to realise it came from her. She _remembered_ this place. Strawberries grew there.

A hulking Jasper, worled in ripples instead of stripes, approaches Rose Quartz, who raises her shield, her lip curling in anticipation. Suddenly, the slender figure of Pearl, half her size, leaps in front to try and take the down stroke of the champion on her blade. It shatters, and then darkness.

The empathy Jasper feels for the gem beside her is so palpable she aches. A protector who failed protecting? Wasn't that exactly what had been eating her up from the inside for millenia? Pearl smiles sadly. " Rose collected that axe after. I went up against a few of the Quartz of Ages, but I never defeated one. "

Jasper could see why. Pearl thought her reckless? But she had been just as bad. There was none of the grace and tactics she expected from the other warrior. It was a desperate and stupid act. "You didn't need to do that though. "

"Stop sounding like Rose, " says the other gem, but her voice lacks the rancor of before. She's even smiling again, in a wistful way.

"Tell me about your victories, then! " demands Jasper, leaning forward. Pearl glances at her and the smile is immediate and genuine for a moment. Humour wreaths her words.

"There's the Jasper again. " And she did tell the warrior, late into the night. A different sort of gift.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally figured out the end for this one! Wow! 
> 
> First off, there's new art from Bondi in chapter 17! You can also see the piece [on my tumblr](http://fluffkills.tumblr.com/post/144891052216/are-you-aware-bondibee-is-killing-it-with-art-and). 
> 
> Secondly, I'm grateful to everyone who's sent me nice comments lately. I know Jasper fans are suffering and I'm trying here.


	22. Vision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper and Garnet discuss knowing the future

Jasper isn’t certain how she’d ended up laying on the couch with Pearl gone. The last she’d remembered was closing her eyes to listen to a story about the rout at the northern temple, Pearl having to help hold a stair for a retreat. It was funny to hear everything from her perspective. Jasper probably should have been angry, but instead she was impressed. She lost friends, but Pearl had too, and she admired the little fighter for holding her own so long. She had been there. She hadn’t made it to the stairway Pearl had spoken of, though; instead she’d been left in a defensive position with a few agates repairing part of the temple structure.

She jumps up when she realises Garnet is there, for some reason, and watching her. The fusion smiles slightly.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” she says, bemused, and Jasper is even more confused, pushing her hair back. She feels a lot better compared to last night, though. The healing her body needed had clearly completed itself and she felt fully fighting fit again.

“What are you even talking about? What happened to Pearl?” asks Jasper, frowning.  The sun is already high in the sky. What had happened to her mind? It was all so confusing.  Had she retreated into her gem? No, you could normally tell when that happens.

“You slept.”

“Like a human?!” Jasper is horrified! That had been something some gems had picked up in the past, but never her!

“You were very injured. Just think of it as a side step from having to reform.” Garnet doesn’t move from where she’s leaning against a wall. Jasper gets up, and the other gem’s head doesn’t even move. It was frustrating, with that visor, to guess where she was looking.

No doubt that was the idea.

“And you’re here because...?” Jasper asks, feeling prickly at being vulnerable like that in front of anyone else. She needlessly straightens her uniform and her hair.

“Pearl asked me to watch you. She was worried.”

Jasper snorts a little. “It was just sleep. “ She doesn’t want the fusion here. She just wants to be left alone, but she doubts anything short of physically throwing Garnet out the window would work. “And how would you know? You’ve been wrong about her before.”

Bitterness slips into her tone. Amethyst had encouraged her to approach Pearl, certainly, but Garnet had all but admitted trying to set them up, had said she saw something between them. And that had come crashing down in the events culminating in her temporary banishment. Jasper wonders if Garnet had been avoiding her. Besides Lapis Lazuli, who understandably would not be getting anywhere near her, Garnet was the only gem or person whom Jasper hadn’t seen since the incident.

“Pearl told me in those words. She knew you didn’t normally sleep, but she also had to return to the barn. It’s very close to our moving time. Peridot’s devices have started to detect low level stirring.” Garnet waves a hand when Jasper stands up straight. “Don’t worry. Close is still giving us a few months. Without Peridot actively driving the last stages they may or may not even come together properly, she tells us. We can only hope.”

Jasper nods, still feeling tense. Slowly, she allows herself to sit down on the too small couch. “Well, I’m fine, you can go. Tell Pearl if you need to,” she snaps out brusquely, swinging her legs onto the couch and resting  back with a glower.

Garnet sits on the arm, ignoring Jasper’s furiously indignant looks. “I am sorry about what happened. “ she says, her solemn voice as impassive as always. It was as irritating as knowing how mistaken she’d been.

Jasper looks away, growling, “Forget about it,” even as she doesn’t want to herself.

“You know about my future vision,” Garnet  says, and Jasper turns back, seeing a small frown on the dark crimson visage.

“Of course.”

“And you must realise it’s not perfect. We spent six months trying to chase the possibility of Malachite.”

Jasper nods, slowly. “Yes? Are you saying this was just a possibility?”

Garnet nods. “Everything is. Some are just much stronger than others. Pearl and you becoming closer was a strong possibility, and her becoming more than just close was also, but in both cases it was clear that would only happen if I gave it a push. I normally don’t involve myself. “

Jasper glares, her lip curling a little. “Strong possibility? Well, how does it feel to be wrong?” she snarls out, her anger was pointless, but it felt good to let it out. She hadn’t been allowed to be angry about killing a relationship before it had even begun. She can’t be mad at Pearl, so why not let this frustration out at Garnet for making her think she even had a chance?

Garnet adjust her visor and sighs, “You’re upset. I understand that, I really do. And it feels terrible to be wrong, but not because I’m wrong, Jasper. Because I wanted Pearl to be happy, and I thought you would be happy too. “ Jasper huffs, her teeth cutting into her lip as she bites back another comment.

“I saw this outcome as a small possibility, but I never thought it would happen. I AM sorry. I won’t interfere again, as much as I sometimes want to. I wasn’t trying to hurt either of you.”

Jasper can’t look at Garnet, instead, she looks at her knees. Contemplating. “You could have at least warned me about how she had been with Rose Quartz. How fresh that was.”  Garnet is silent, which is typical for her, but Jasper isn’t having it.

Pushing at the fusion sharply with her foot, Jasper snarls, “You went to the trouble to say she might like me but forgot to mention she was in love with your MUDDY LEADER!”

Garnet tenses. She turns slowly, resting a hand on Jasper’s foot. “This is something you need to talk to PEARL about,” the fusion says, pointedly, but Jasper just shakes off her touch.

“No, because we’re talking about you, not her! Why didn’t you warn me?” Garnet looks infuriatingly calm in the face of this.

“If you MUST know, it’s because it’s become such a part of our lives, such a part of.. everything Pearl used to do, I didn’t think to tell you. I forgot you wouldn’t know. What I did think was she might be ready to move on. She’s given signs of that before.” They both look to the portrait over the door, in sync for a moment.

“What’s she doing now?” ask Jasper, but they knew she wasn’t talking about the old quartz leader.

“She’s working with Lapis on their fusion.”

Jasper considers that. “How is that going? “ she asks, trying to centre herself again, keeping her voice neutral. Garnet chuckles, very lightly.

“It’s fine that you’re not happy about that, but fusion is all sorts of relationships. They’re figuring out how they relate to each other. I’m sure it will be powerful, but I’m also certain that’s not what you’re asking.”

Jasper sighs. She’s trying not to be jealous, but she is. She doesn’t want Lapis to have anything good, she wants to keep the few good things to herself. But that wasn’t right. That vengeful thinking got her in this position in the first place.

It s still in the back of her mind, though.

“I just want to be the one she’s doing that with,” admits Jasper, and Garnet says, patiently, “It’s not that sort of...”

“I know, I know! “ The orange gem rubs her eyes.

“You could try fusing with me, if you like.”

Jasper looks at Garnet with a frown. “I’d much rather fight you,” she snaps out.

Garnet shrugs. “We could also do that.” In smooth steps, she moves to the warp pad, and Jasper finds herself following.

“Are you serious?” the quartz asks,  a mixture of confusion and amazement in her voice.  Jasper finds herself feeling eager though. She had so much frustration about how the last few weeks... well, to be honest, the last year had gone. She cracks her knuckles,  a grin slowly forming on her lips.

They didn’t end up at the sky arena. Instead, Jasper looks around to see a jungle. In the near distance, a broken gemship lays impaled into the ground like a giant shield.

“Why here?” she asks, turning to Garnet, but the other gem merely smiles. It was strange to see her do so, it was very rare. Jasper finds herself wondering how much the gem knew. Had she expected that reply from Jasper?

“I didn’t want to damage the arena.” Garnet says, flashing her gauntlets on.

Jasper ‘s helmet forms into place, the golden visor colouring the verdant green in a sunrise tone. Her smile is growing feral now. Intellectually, she knows this is just to blow off some steam. Her deeper instincts are powering her on inside, though, pushing her forward. Battle was good, it brought life and success and beauty.

She really wants to punch that smile right off of Garnet’s face.

The first blow was strong enough that the crack sends the birds above them screaming away in a mess of feathers. Fist meeting fist. Jasper remembers this, every punch being met with another. Garnet moving smoothly around her.

“You’re using your future vision,” she says as she ducks a blow to her head, annoyed at their lack of progress. Her own return blow shatters a centuries old tree truck, the foliage raining down as the stricken plant topples with a boom.

“It’s not that simple. “ Garnet ducks another blow, sidestepping and aiming one at Jasper, who leans back, before sweeping her leg to try and put the other gem off her feet.

Garnet jumps the swipe easily. “Even if I could know every possible way this fight could go, do you really think I could do all that while we’re fighting?”

“YES!” roars Jasper, narrowing her eyes as her mind starts to click over quicker. She’s fighting Garnet like Garnet, but she should be fighting like she had with Pearl. Her strikes still don’t land, but they get closer, and her dodges smoother. A piece of debris becomes a makeshift shield, kicked up from the ground to block a gauntlet strike. As the dust clears, Jasper’s helmet appears and she cracks Garnet’s visor.

It falls away and Jasper catches the other gem’s eyes for the first time in a very long time. Garnet always kept them covered, and Jasper didn’t give her a chance to do so again, pressing forward, pushing into close range and forcing the crystal gem to grapple.

Pushed back, they circle, and the atmosphere was strange. Instead of a calm calculating opponent, Jasper can read Garnet now. She can see the frustration, the strain, the desperation as the blows come in and they move in a brutal dance. Her eyes are tells now, because Garnet clearly never learned how not to look where she was going to strike. And when Jasper finally knocks her on her ass and presses her into the leafy undergrowth with a foot, staking her victory, they crinkle into a smile that only barely reaches her lips.

Garnet phases her gauntlets and Jasper steps off, holding out her hand and hauling the fusion to her feet. She’s smiling herself, not the harsh smile of bloodlust but an easy one.

“No tricks to it?” she asks Garnet again, and the fusion covers her eyes before turning to Jasper.

“Only skill and mystery. If I told people half of what I saw, they’d know how often I was wrong. All I can do is make the attempt when it’s important.” Jasper nods. The cool facade. She knew that role all too well.

“You need to work on telegraphing with your eyes, you know.”

“They broadcast too much,” says the fusion smoothly. She taps her visor, and Jasper nods.  “You wear your heart on your sleeve, though.”

Jasper is nonplused, and frowns to herself, surveying the wreckage to the undercanopy the match had left in their wake. Shattered stumps and blown out branches littered the ground.

“It won’t be easy,” says Garnet, wiping dust from herself.

“What won’t be?”

“Everything.”

Jasper snorts and shakes some twigs from her heavy hair, phasing her helmet finally. She combs her fingers through the long locks and plucks out a beetle. The little thing, shimmering with iridescence, perches  on her fingertip before spreading its wings and taking to the air.

“When has it ever been? You plan on giving me a head’s up, fusion?”

Garnet just smiles, holding out her hand and letting the little insect land on her. Did she expect that? Or was that just her trying to act like she knew and managing to be right. What happened  behind those glasses, anyways?

“I can’t, any more than I could with this fight,” Garnet says, watching the tiny life crawling over her hand.

“Sometimes you enter a fight knowing you’re going to lose,” Jasper points out, reasonably. She sits on a broken tree, watching flashes of colour as birds circle and return to the trees above them. Garnet sits beside her as life returns around them in slow starts, the creatures of the forest reclaiming the broken land around them when it was clear the battle was over.

“Yes. We do,” says Garnet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES! It's been too long, but after this chapter we're entering a much more fully plotted out part of the story and I hope things will go faster with updates again. 
> 
> [Did you know I just celebrated 200 followers on tumblr by spending the day writing stories for everyone who sent me prompts? You should join me there!](http://fluffkills.tumblr.com)


	23. Rising tides

The lighthouse wasn’t a place that Jasper normally visited, the point above the cliffs in her mind a distinctly human place compared to her normal resting place at the fingertips of the gem temple’s outstretched hand. But her exile was causing her to grow restless, and, with Garnet’s permission, she’d been moving further afield. 

“Our main concern is keeping yourself and Lapis apart, you understand. As much for your own good as hers,” Garnet had noted, her voice calm and her manner back as impassive as it had been before their impromptu match. Jasper had understood. The pure toxicity of their time together simply wasn’t something that they were going to overcome in weeks, or even months, she imagines. Especially not with the fact that until so recently, Lapis herself had seen the relationship as one of predator and prey. The bloodthirsty murderer she had to protect Steven from.

Jasper can only hope the ocean gem had taken their time apart to gain some introspection on what had occurred, as she had. But would she risk her gem and their mission on that hope? Absolutely not. 

As it was there was a pressing concern that only grew as they approached D-day. Drill day, Greg called it, before shortening it in that way. He seemed to find it amusing, as had the Crystal Gems, but Jasper had to assume she was missing some sort of joke to that. She had learned to tell the time as best as she could in the confusing human methodology. Hours seemed like the shortest time period that made any real sense to the gem, and at this point she knew they were less than 18 away from when they would make their expedition. 

Jasper knew nothing, really, about the plan. She tried not to think about it. It wasn’t her business, it wasn’t her role. As a warrior, she was supposed to just follow orders. But it had never been that simple for her. Not the thousands of years ago when she’d first popped from the ground to the training pits of the Kindergarden, and certainly not now, when she itched for the ability to control her own fate.

So, to ease that twitchy, unsettled feeling, she’d taken to walking around the point. She never felt comfortable passing into Beach City proper. The Big Donut and Greg’s carwash on either ends of the sands wrapping around the point where the limits that the gem felt comfortable traveling to. 

Greg had done his best to be as friendly as possible, but there wasn’t much he could do to soothe her. Jasper found herself respecting the human more and more. Certainly, Rose probably had mellowed in the multi-eon exile on Earth, but she’d been a frightening figure in the past and the fact that this human had never riled her, had only calmed the warlord? It was an achievement. 

The human places were closed now, though, and Greg’s van was gone. He was probably up at the barn, with his son. She can only wonder how difficult this was on him. Jasper didn’t understand parenting, and families, but she did understand the sort of loyalty and care that she had felt for those under her, and Pearl had tried to explain once, when describing her own feelings towards Steven, how those magnify into what the humans called maternal love. 

Jasper doubts her own protective aspects even come close to what Pearl had spoken of, and quartz were meant to be protective. But if she feared for Steven, she gathered the dread Greg was going through was nearly unbearable. You’d have never known it to speak to him. She finds herself wishing she had more, now that his place was vacant of him and their final hours were drawing to a close. 

The grasses over the point rustle in the wind, and the low thrum of insects hidden in the bases of each stalk fill the air with sound under the chilly early autumn sky. They sounded deep and bassy compared to the shrill whine of even a few weeks ago. Everything was ending, soon, Jasper thinks. Little creatures like this came and went in the blink of an eye, but never before had she been so aware of them.

But there was another sound, soft and muffled, that barely reached her ears. Trudging up the steep hill, Jasper finds herself moving slowly, covering the sound of her footfalls, the instincts of battle and ambush and danger second nature to her.

Slowing to a stalk, Jasper can see motion, and the soft sounds are hard to make out still, but louder. Grasses rustle, and then there’s a familiar little cry that makes the tall gem’s cheeks glow saffron for a moment.

“Amethyst! Peridot! What in stars name are you two doing up here?!” she growls, any idea of careful quiet in her approach lost when Jasper realised what was going on. 

There’s a squeal, high pitched and nasal, and two heads pop up from the long grass near the base. Even in the faint light of the clear night sky, the waxing moon barely adding to the illumination at the moment, Jasper can see the motion of coverings being tugged back up. She sighs loudly, but can’t blame the pair. Hadn’t she done the same thing in their place, in the deep past, when there were gems worth clinging to?

Amethyst waves and goes, “Yo…” impassively as she approaches the small gems, and Jasper growls softly, her role of captain and battle leader still in the back of her mind. 

“Why aren’t you two at the barn?” she asks, turning her golden gaze of Peridot, who shrinks. Amethyst wraps an arm around her lover and gives Jasper a languid grin, and the veteran knew exactly what she must have heard to see that sort of mellow smile on the little purple gem’s face.

“Aww, don’t be like that. We just wanted a little privacy, Pearl’s been breathin’ down my neck…” Amethyst winks. “You know how it is..”

She did.

“I have no idea how it is, but I’m going to walk back to the temple and I better not see you two looking like this tomorrow morning.” Jasper snarls, but it was more for show. She didn’t resent what they were doing. They wanted to be in the moment. They didn’t know if this was the last such moment that they’d get together. Jasper couldn’t hate that.

But she did envy it. 

This was the first battle she’d be going into alone. 

Not technically alone, of course. Tomorrow, they’d all be going in together. But tonight. Tonight Jasper would have no one.  No teammates to lean on. No other bodies just around her, their presence a security in an of itself, a motivation.  Something to drive everyone forward into that oblivion. 

Jasper returns to the beach house. She wonders when Peridot and Amethyst had snuck away from the barn. Were the others concerned? Or did they know, too?

She looks at the clock. 17 hours now. Time moved so fast, yet was dragging as well. The stars slowly wheel in the sky as Jasper watches them through the window beside Steven’s bed, her heavy body threatening to crush the legs under her. She watches resolutely when the moon starts to set and she hears the sound of the screen door creaking open. The warp pad flashes with a whisper and and bloom of light, and the quartz is alone again.

Jasper hopes the pair had fun, for all her fearful behavior. She could have used someone to hold. Pearl flashes in her mind’s eye, before she could dismiss it. Just the reassurance, though, of having the beautiful gem with her. It would have made this so much easier.

Garnet said they often went into battles with her knowing they were going to lose. The only example she was willing to bring up was the time when Jasper, Peridot and Lapis had arrived in the hand ship. Garnet said almost everything showed them dying on that beach.

They’d lived.

Jasper had gone into losing battles before too. And what’s worse, she’d lead people in losing battles as well. Where surviving was a victory. Where she knew they’d be lucky to even get to retreat to their gems, rather than dying outright.  

Jasper looked at the clock. 13 hours. She wondered at humans, that they even needed minutes to record when hours seemed to fly by. Flying by, yet she finds herself checking the time over and over. Eventually, she surrenders her curiosity, and tries to think of nothing. She needed other gems. Making these fears silence themselves was much easier with someone else around to focus on.

She remembers Pearl saying how she sometimes felt like she was following through being, well, a pearl. Jasper wonders , often, how much of these worries, these thoughts, the ways she thinks are her, and how much is it that she’s a quartz. Was she this protective because she was merely built to be as such?

But did it matter? Was it any less meaningful if she was meant to find meaning in it? It was a good purpose to have.

Jasper suspects both are true though. She was as she was made, but she made herself that way too. She took what she was supposed to do to heart, and found her own meaning. Her own loyalties. Her gems, her children, her goals. 

The early morning light streamed through the windows, and Jasper, still watching through Steven’s view, sees the sun as it finally leaves the confines of the sea. The view was peaceful, the ocean waves going from silver sprinkled indigo to shimmering green with gold. 

As difficult as the isolation before this fight was, Jasper finds herself reflecting on how the busy nature of Homeworld and the martial live she lead there had caused it’s own problems. There was never seen to be a need for any privacy for a soldier. Perhaps keeping one from contemplating mortality was a job left to the constant busyness of crowds. 

Jasper finds herself reflecting that she’d never really talked much about the war after it had ended to anyone. Other gem veterans would exchange glances, but especially after the first thousand years, those came more rarely. There was never the environment to seriously discuss what had happened, anyway. Not for soldiers, at least. And none of the gems who’d lived it really pushed to do so. 

Jasper thinks she might have said more about the war in the last two months on Earth than in the last thousand years back home. There, it loomed over everyone, and here it did as well, like a shadow, unfelt but undeniable, a shade colouring their lives. Here, though, there was nowhere to hide in the crowd from your thoughts. Not for her. Not for any of the Crystal Gems.

Jasper had never been less ready for a battle in her long existence. They were going up against a weapon they barely understood, and even Peridot could only describe the upper control station with any great accuracy. 

They’d be going deep into the crust, there was a real risk for not only the humans but even the gems under those circumstances, and there was a very good chance none of them might make it back. Peridot had ideas to take it down, but Jasper had no idea at all what they might be. The gems all seemed to have whatever they were doing, but the warrior wondered now, as before, who was really in charge. Who knew the big picture?

Jasper was scared she wouldn’t be coming back. 

Glancing about the room, she sees muted pink. Slowly descending from the upper level, Jasper reaches out for something she’d almost forgotten. Her fingers stroke over Rose’s standard, left against the wall.

“Is this what you thought would happen? When you wanted to pick being happy for yourself over everyone else you’d ever know?” Jasper asks the mute fabric, her words more curious now than bitter. What had Garnet seen? What had Rose imagined for them all?

Jasper sighs. She supposes she should bring the standard with them for the fight. You couldn’t go into battle not knowing whom you were fighting for. 

It was difficult now, seeing some of the ways Rose Quartz might have been correct, now that Jasper was among the rebel gems. But it didn’t absolve her of what she’d done in the past. Or what the war had made Jasper have to do. Jasper sighs again.  She’d take the standard with them, but she  _ wasn’t  _ fighting under it. She’d never understand why Lion gave her it in the first place, and she’d not been able to convince him to take it back. Pearl hadn’t any success either, so it had been a mute presence in the cabin, like Rose’s portrait.

The warp pad flashes again, and Jasper looks up, wondering if Amethyst and Peridot had returned. She’d been as tolerant as possible of their dalliance yesterday, but she’d really have to put her foot down now.

Instead, it’s Pearl, looking tired and drawn, standing on the crystal dias. Gems didn’t need to sleep, but they did need to rest, and Pearl looked like she’d passed that point days ago. Jasper quickly puts the standard down and straightens up. She had to be strong now. No fear. She’d face this darkness.

Pearl, Jasper imagines, has been suffering the mirror of her problems. While she’d been bored for massive chunks of time in the cabin, left to her own devices, or wandering up and down the beach, Pearl no doubt had been working herself to exhaustion over the drill.

“You need to sit down,” Jasper says, gesturing to the couch. Pearl frowns softly, her arms crossed over her chest. Jasper can see a hint of oil on a cheek. 

“Don’t be absurd. I came here to fetch you, not to laze about,” Pearl says sharply, and Jasper chuckles softly, before stepping forward a little closer, resting a large hand on Pearl’s crossed arms and taking one gently. 

“Pearl,  _ please _ . Just let yourself stop for a few minutes.” 

Pearl tenses, and Jasper immediately pulls her hand back away. Her throat tightens when she sees tears sparkling in the corner of Pearl’s eyes.

“You have to stop this,” she says, her voice trembling, and now Jasper is horrified. They’d not really recovered, not totally, from the incident at the barn, but Jasper had really thought they’d grown more comfortable with each other again. Around the other gems, around each other, there wasn’t the same purity of actions, but there was an ease. Sure, after the incident with the axe and the lightning, they’d barely had time together, but that night, there’d be a real natural comfort with each other’s company. And now this? 

Jasper didn’t want to be shut out, but she has no idea how she’s failing this time.

“I don’t understand…” she starts to protest, and Pearl pulls herself together, straightening her uniform, her pained expression melding back into an amiable neutrality Jasper thought of as ‘the pearl expression’ sometimes. But the weariness can’t be so easily hidden. 

“It’s fine, Jasper. I’m just a little tired,” says Pearl, taking a deep breath and gracing her with a tight smile. 

Jasper nods, but notes, a little more sharply this time, putting a hint of the command she’s used to having in her role in her voice, “The world isn’t going to end if you take a few minutes before going back. Just pause yourself. Sit down. Listen to the birds.” The smile is back on Pearl’s lips, quivering, more sincere now.

“You really do love the sound of those seagulls, don’t you?” she asks, and Jasper is taken aback by the expression on the other gem’s face for a moment. She isn’t sure how to read it, but it worried and excited her. She chooses instead to go over to the front door and open it wide, pretending the look was unseen. Being the quartz, unthinking. The sounds of the waves and the early morning gulls on the hunt fill the house, the scents of the sea brightening the room.

“Honestly? Yes. I find them relaxing. Peridot says they’re annoying, but I think she’s just jealous they’re louder and more shrill than she can be.” Pearl laughs, and Jasper feels herself relaxing to hear that. It’s the Pearl she wants to see, the one with the wry smile and the wit that came out in snippets, that shared in Jasper’s own wit. 

“Rose liked the ocean. That’s why we settled here,” Pearl says, her voice wistful. Jasper tilts her head. She’d never known that.

“Really? So the spot was chosen specifically for ...water.” Jasper smiles. “I thought it just happened.”

Pearl smirks. “Nothing just happens. Rose loved the sound of seagulls too. And the waves. And the look of the sand. I like the water, but I never cared for the birds much. Messy. And don’t get me started on the sand.” Now it was Jasper’s turn to laugh, loud and relieved. This was the most Pearl has ever said to her about Rose. It was strange. It made Rose Quartz sound like just another gem. A gem like Jasper. She smiles, broad and happy at Pearl, only to see the other gem withdrawing again, looking sad and worried. 

Jasper was out to sea. Connie had explained that phrase and Jasper loved it. The idea of just being lost, surrounded by water spoke to her after her time with Lapis. Not knowing what direction to go. If Pearl was a ruby, Jasper would know what to do now. Or even if she was Amethyst. Or Steven. Broad, open gems. Gems like her. 

But she’s Pearl, and Jasper doesn’t know how to help her. She doesn’t even know how to start. 

“This needs to stop…” Pearl says, her voice low, sounding worn and tired, her eyes on her hands as they rub together. “..you need to stop reminding me of her.” And now, Jasper is really scared of what she saw. She laughs, but it sounds too loud in the room.

“I’m nothing like Rose Quartz,” she says, trying to sound jovial. Jasper isn’t. Nothing she’s heard, both good or bad, matched up to her. She was just a jasper. Pearl still looks away, rubbing her hands over her own bare arms, and Jasper tenses. She can’t help Pearl. She wants to, though. But any move she makes, it could shatter this. It was too dangerous.

“Hold me?”

The question is so quiet, Jasper isn’t even certain she trusted her ears at first. If this was any other gem, Jasper would know what to do. But this was Pearl. She can feel the tides pulling her far from shore now. 

Jasper opens her arms, and Pearl is against her, making the powerful warrior tremble. She gently closes them, the heavy limbs dwarfing the slender gem. Pearl looks so weak, but it’s so deceptive. Even as she shakes herself, quivering against Jasper, the fighter can feel a dancer’s definition. She admired it. She hated that she admired it still, after everything that happened.

“I’m not her,” Jasper repeats, her voice lower now. This was wrong, she knows it is. They were both in a strange place on unknown seas. And Jasper wasn’t the land Pearl needed to find, she could just as easily pull them both down. 

Jasper wants to drown.

This was wrong. Jasper knows it. But she could die today. She should let go, but Pearl is still trembling, pressed close, cool against her warm body. She strokes a broad palm over Pearl’s back, and she can hear the other gem’s breath catch.

“We shouldn’t do this.” Jasper doesn’t know who she’s saying this to anymore. Pearl? Or herself. Her fingers feel the tightness at the base of Pearl’s neck, and she rubs slowly. The other gem’s cheek is against her bare skin. Pearl fits so well against her. It was unfair how well.

And she didn’t think she could hate Rose more than she did in the war. Because this is the most whole Jasper has felt in thousands of years, but she’ll never be who Pearl wants.

Jasper can feel Pearl’s lashes against her, and then her lips, and the large gem is shaking as well. They shouldn’t do this. She hates this. She wants this. She hates that she wants this, so badly she felt like she was being eaten by acid. A sickening heat was filling her, and she didn’t know if she had the strength to turn away from it now.

She could be gone tomorrow. What did it even matter anymore?

Pearl wasn’t kissing her lips, and she avoids Jasper’s face when the gem leans low, only letting her kiss her forhead and gem. Lips were only for Rose, Jasper remembers. Still, she buries her face in the soft peach thatch of Pearl’s hair, breathing a scent like flowers and the ocean breeze. No wonder Rose loved the sea.

And fingers were pressing more firmly, searching, and they weren’t Jasper’s. Pearl knew that she wanted. They both did.

And Jasper wasn’t it.

Jasper knew this desperation. She’d felt it before battle. She’d done this before, herself, once. But that time, the gem she’d longed for had desired her back. They’d loved. Pearl would never love her. But she still wanted to forget. They both wanted to forget.

And the dark waters are closing over her head as she pulls the slender gem close. And when the dancer calls out, Jasper shuts her ears to the name broken on those lips, a name that was long dead and gone. And there’s only blackness ahead for both of them.

 

They shouldn’t be doing this.

 

But they did anyway.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I streamed the writing of this! Follow me on [Picarto](https://picarto.tv/MelSkunk) if that interests you.
> 
>  
> 
> This, literally, is one of the first images of the story that settled into my head, all those months ago. It's why there's a Bad Romance tag. It's why I feel bad that we can't have good things, not just yet.
> 
> I told a friend and fan that when Jasper and Pearl hooked up for the first time in the story, I wanted everyone to feel kinda gross about it. This is not healthy or good, but there's still half a story to go to get better.
> 
> Thank you for following them this far, and have faith in them for the future.


	24. Inner Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Failure breaks you down

_The first sensation Jasper remembered in her past was one of tightness. And emotions, curiosity, eagerness, a hunger to expand. For any gem, the sensation of returning to ones stone was always mixed with a variety of secondary memories associated with creation._

_Tainting those memories and feelings was a deeper one of humiliation. Some gems pushed to reform almost as quickly as they retreat. Jasper wasn’t that sort of gem. Retreat was time for reflection. And shame._

 

\------

 

When Pearl and Jasper arrived at the barn, the sun had already cleared the trees, but to their relief, the group in general wasn’t waiting around for them to appear. Pearl nervously adjusts her hem and Jasper considers how dreadful she must be at lying, should she be required to deceive. The two gems quickly step away from each other and Jasper does her best to guard her expression, only to nearly walk into a small, soft being.

“Steven.”

The little quartz fusion smiles up at her, but she can see his nervous expression. The brief respite Pearl and her tried to find in one another had done little to do anything to assuage Jasper’s deep dread about this fight. Still, she smiles back, as jovial as she can manage. Her little soft guard. Picking Steven up under his arms, she gently bumps foreheads with him.

“Ready to save the world?” Jasper asks, and his smile is a little more confident when he nods. Glancing around, the gem finds herself wondering where Connie is, only to feel the sensation of something prodding her lower back.

Connie Maheswaran had no idea how fortunate she was that Jasper was able to suppress her nervous, automatic responses, and she smiles up at the warrior when Jasper carefully turns before attacking.

“And there’s your other half,” Jasper notes, setting Steven down beside her. Of the two, Connie looked far more excited at the prospect of battle. Because she’d never been in one. From what Jasper understood, her own arrival prompted Steven himself to nearly break off contact with his swordbearer rather than endanger her, and the gem respected his instinct that way. But just as she could no longer keep the gems she worried about out of harm’s way, so Steven was unable to prevent Connie from exposing herself to danger. The best they could do was try and protect.

It was the Quartz way.

 

\-------

 

_It had been hard trying to explain to Steven and Connie what retreating into a gem meant, when they’d asked. Jasper had wondered why none of the other gems had told them, but it became clear they trusted her for a more unvarnished version of the truth. Pearl didn’t want to frighten him, Amethyst didn’t want to think about it. And Garnet was Garnet._

_It was something humans didn’t seem to have an equivalent of. But the best she could explain it, it was like a lucid dream. She was using language for things she didn’t understand to beings that couldn’t understand her, but they found common ground._

_It was like a dream she could direct, but for her, now, it was a nightmare. She wants to stay curled in here forever. Her failure plays over and over._

 

\------

 

Garnet and Pearl are chatting, and Jasper can see her expression tighten as Pearl flaps her hands nervously. Her head turns and observes the fighter observing them, behind the impassive mirror of her visor, and Jasper quickly turns away.

She has little doubt Garnet knew. She has no doubt that little line the fusion’s lips were making was disapproval.

What would she know? She’d never been apart from her lover in thousands of years. Who was she to judge?

Jasper couldn’t meet her gaze.

 

\------

 

_There wasn’t colour in this innerverse. There wasn’t sound or motion. It was nothing but one’s thoughts, one’s being. A gem was a thought turned into being, into action._

_Connie compared her inner state to the subconscious, but Jasper was far too aware. Sometimes she wondered if gems even had one of those. If everything that operated on layers with humans was merely out in the open for them._

_She wonders why gems don’t dream._

 

\-----

 

Lapis Lazuli watched Jasper from across the yard. Her expression was guarded, tight, and she clutched at her arm, but her eyes didn’t leave the gold ones, staring the warrior down.

Jasper didn’t dare back down either, watching the water witch as Peridot explained the plan to the circled gems and two humans.

She’d acquired a chalkboard from stars know where, Jasper can only wonder where the little tech gathers most of her materials. Some of the items on the drill were clearly repurposed gem tech but so much was Earth made, and the Homeworld gem felt concerned about the stability of what humans had produced.

The structure leading to the cluster was outlined, and it was in two parts. The deeper seed was drawn with a large question mark, a human trick of writing Jasper rather liked. Gem writing didn’t have that variety of punctuation.

“So, as we can see, our initial point of entry will be the control centre.” Peridot stabs the greenish slab with the chalk, before circling the diamond-sized building.

“If we attack it effectively, there should be no reason the cluster should emerge. A full shutdown will kill it where it lays. Yesssss, Greg?” Peridot hisses, annoyed when her explanation was interrupted by the human raising his hand.

“How far down is this control room?” Greg asks, his sheepish expression showing his embarrassment even as he had every reason and right to want to know what mission they were doing. The other gems clearly felt like it was more important to keep the human out of the loop, but Jasper saw no reason to hide what they were doing.

Peridot’s lips move as she does the mental math.

“I believe we’ll be descending a couple miles? The cluster proper is much deeper but this is meant to be an easily accessible point for gem operators like myself to tend to the work at a safe distance.”

Greg’s fingers twine together, and Jasper finds herself watching the human instead of her enemy for a moment. She shakes herself mentally for thinking that, when she feels the thought trickle into her mind. Lapis wasn’t her enemy. She looks up. The gem is still watching her.

Jasper suppresses a shudder.

“I’m not exactly a scientist, but is that safe? I mean, isn’t there lava and things like that down that far?” Greg asks, and the groan Peridot makes to the question makes him shrink slightly where he stood.

“Don’t be absurd, that would be much deeper, it wouldn’t be lava, it would be the mantle, and that’s what the control room is for, so we don’t have to travel that far. That would take hours to reach, if we had to go that far!”

Greg looks visibly relieved at that answer, and Jasper leans over to pat his shoulder lightly.

“It’s barely 55, 60 degrees there!” Peridot continues. “Far too low to melt rock.”

The human relaxes fully now, and slumps. “That cold? That’s pretty icy, Steven should probably pack a sweater.”

Pearl leans over and there’s a quick whispered exchange. Peridot nods.

Turning to Greg, she puts her hands together and smiles brightly. “He shouldn’t need a sweater, or any extra covering. I keep mixing up your earth measuring units. Pearl informs me it’s 140 of your units?”

The humans gasp.

 

\-----

 

_Jasper can feel the potential inside her. In her past, reformation had come as simple as a thought. Now, she finds herself labouring._

_Jasper had never wondered who she was in her seventeen thousand years of existence. She was who she was made to be, and when she formed it was as she emerged from her first Kindergarten days._

_Now, it was a struggle to see who she was anymore._

 

\-----

 

As the argument between Greg, Connie, Pearl and Peridot goes back and forth, Jasper shifts and crosses her arms, her tension waiting to bubble over. She needed to fight, she needed this relief. The waiting was always the hardest part before a battle. The dead times. She grinds her teeth and her nails prick her skin.

“That can’t be healthy!” Greg is saying, glancing at his son, and Connie is working her phone.

“No, listen,” she says, interrupting Peridot, “It says right here humans can survive that temperature…”

“Steven and Connie will be fine..” Pearl says, giving Greg a small frown, and Peridot huffs.

“Yeah, but those are grown adults! With equipment! Have you gems even put anything like AC in the drill?” asks Greg, and Connie bites her lip, glancing between the adult human and the gems.

Peridot waves a hand dismissively, but Pearl begins to look more concerned. Jasper knew she’d been worried about the little humans from the start, a worry Jasper shared. If this was a way to keep them safe… as much as she wanted Rose’s abilities with them, Steven and Connie were more like newly decanted Rubies, they weren’t veteran Quartz. If they could be safe…

Jasper walks over and rests a hand on Connie’s shoulder. “Greg’s right. If they didn’t prepare for this it’d be foolish going into a battle with so many unknowns and deliberately adding a handicap for yourself.”

Connie looks up at her, pained. Jasper can understand. She needs to prove herself, but this wasn’t the way.

“But we’ve been training for this.” she protests.

“No, you’ve been training for temperatures humans are very comfortable at. If you even have to use the word ‘survive’ it sounds like you’re going to be hurting down there. I can’t have my little soldier putting herself at risk.”

Connie’s eyes light up, and then her expression hardens into almost theatrical seriousness. “Of course, ma’am.”

Jasper ruffles her hair. She knows she’s overstepping her bounds, she was barely out of exile with the other gems, she had no authority here. But she liked to think she knew Connie.

She catches Pearl’s eye, and then they look aside.

 

\------

 

_When gems formed, there was this strange ur-period. When you were aware, but weren’t thinking. You were just feeling.  Just experiencing._

_Jasper wished she could return to that. The purity of those emotions, the wonder, the warmth, the eagerness. At first, a gem felt peaceful. The earth around them protecting, surrounding, nurturing. Then, there was the energy. The power. The need._

_Jasper wishes she could return to the simple times. Before the world broke around her._

 

\------

 

The second argument, when the children and Greg had left, was a lot more vicious.

“How could you have even thought we’d all fit into this?!” barks Jasper at Peridot, who glared back at the large gem. She was in her element here, as this was her machine, and the little green idiot couldn’t bear to admit she’d made a mistake.

“We only had so many supplies to work with, Jasper. I just assumed that everyone could.. Well.. reduce size.”

“No prob here, babe!” says Amethyst, and Jasper turns to glare at her.

“You’re already tiny, runt! How in shards am I supposed to fit?!”

“SHAPESHIFT, you CLOD!” gestures Peridot, wildly. Jasper is positive she never thought this far ahead, not really, because when she glances at Pearl, the other gem looks embarrassed, rather than merely avoidant.

“Pearl, is this really the plan?”

“Well, I mean, originally, this was designed with a minimal crew in mind,” the slender gem admits, rubbing her arm in a nervous gesture Jasper has become intimately familiar with. She runs her hands over her eyes. This was the worst sort of battle situation. They were going in worse than blind, they were going in so poorly prepared, Jasper can feel her gem ache.

The only thing worse than knowing you’re going in knowing nothing was thinking you know something, knowing things are wrong and trying to make due.

Jasper knew this, and she’d seen the aftermath of times when the leaders just pushed on anyway, due to ignorance or desperation or hope. And this was going to be all three.

But they were going in whether or not she joined them. She looks at Garnet, but the gem had already shifted to a form the size of a Ruby, to Peridot’s smug satisfaction. Pearl looked uncomfortable, and Lapis sighs, before reducing her height. But Jasper was huge. And she’d never shifted smaller.

Pearl also seemed to struggle. The clearer your sense of self was, the more rock hard, the harder it was to shift. Peridot was small, Garnet had many facets, Lapis.. Jasper didn’t pretend to understand her, but clearly the gem could use a change.

“How long is this descent going to take?” she asks, turning to Peridot. The little gem frowns and looks at her notes.

“A little over an hour?” she hazards.

Jasper nods. The group should just fit into the tight pod, though Pearl wasn’t going to be comfortable. She can time this, and it will work.

“Right. Poof me.”

Peridot blinks, and says, “What.” flatly.

She looks to Pearl for a second, before bringing her eyes back to Peridot. “If I retreat into my gem, then we can all travel. I’ll keep myself inside for an hour.”

“Are you certain you can know how long that will be?”

Jasper wasn’t, but she can feel her own stubbornness coming to the fore. “Of course.”

Amethyst pipes up, “Jas, that’s crazy talk! Just, like smoosh yourself down! Or, hell, I can …” She flashes, and in her place is a fluffy cat. The gesture was magnanimous , but too little, even when Garnet imitates her with a deadpan ‘meow’.

“Listen, I can’t, especially not for an hour, and that damn pod won’t hold me alone, let alone the rest of you!”

Jasper turns fully to Pearl, who has a hunted look in her eyes now. How dare she even pretend this was hard? Jasper knew where her heart lay. She bites back that brief, bitter, painful thought. It had to be Pearl. Pearl knew her weak spots. She’d known from the beginning.

“One stroke. I know you know how.”

She didn’t even see the sword draw.

 

\------

 

_Time was strange in gemstate. It was slow, geologic even, but as fast as a thought as well. Jasper had learned a long time ago how to measure the passage of time, if she focused. She wasn’t now, because the point where she even cared if she left was long over_

 

\-----

 

Jasper flashes into being into a warzone, tumbling out of the gem drill, cracked open like a geode.

The sounds were horrifying, The roaring, the bangs, the rumbling, and over all of it, frantic screaming.

The screaming, at least, was explained when Jasper trips over Peridot. The small gem was trying to kick off a monstrosity made of multicoloured arms. In the distance, a massive purple fusion rolls with a centipede of limbs and toothy mouths.

“PERI!” Jasper barks, lifting her up and checking her for damage. She was fine, but whimpering. Far above them, a shimmering fusion of rainbow light and blade wings strikes down a monstrous creation. The floor is boiling with them, and Jasper dodges one reaching for her, glancing for her axe in the pod.

There was no axe.

There was no axe, they’d forgotten to bring it along, and Jasper is lunged at by the mad science of Homeworld, smashing her fist down to protect Peridot, whose traumatized expression breaks her heart in two. The little green gem wasn’t ready for this.

This wasn’t what it was supposed to be like. In the distance, there’s a deafening crash as Sugalite is slammed into a cavern wall. There’s a flash, and her gems tumble down.

No. NO. It can’t be like this, not again.

Jasper turns to Peridot. “We’re in too deep. We need to leave, now! Is there a warp pad down here?!” Peridot just stares at her, eyes wide, and Jasper has to give her a shake.

“Ame--” Peridot gasps out.

“I’ll get them, I will,  but we can’t use the drill. IS THERE A PAD, PERIDOT, FOCUS!”

Peridot stares owlishly.

“Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG, where is the control centre warp pad..” Jasper growls, and Peridot finally snaps out of it long enough to focus.

“The warp pad.. Of course… it’s in the centre entryway, it’s locked but I can…”

“Go. Just go… Wait for me, I’ll be bringing them. We need to LEAVE…” Jasper follows on Peridot’s heels, but the fusions were huge. Tossing one into another smashed them both, but a third is grasping her legs. It was the worst sort of brawl. Her energy is rising, and her excitement growing, even as her throat tightens and she feels that acid dread at her gem.

The control centre was massive and strong and old. Peridot quickly opens the door, and they’re gratified to see no further experiments tumbling out. These must have been earlier creations, or parts of the Cluster torn away by the geothermic upsurges from below.

Peridot looks to Jasper, and the warrior tenses to see tears in her eyes. She nods.

“Close the door, and only open it when one of us knocks.. If we don’t, you can get out of here.” she says grimly, pulling a smaller fusion apart. Trying to fight like this right after reformation was a strain. She’d have never suggested it if she’d even imagined something more than an old automated security system.

Peridot nods quickly, and the door hisses behind her smoothly. Quality tech. Jasper sighs. Had she even thought about a pad before they’d left, she’d have suggested she travel down by that, since clearly the weapon had been considered crucial in case they encountered difficulty. The weapon as broken as the shards at her feet. Jasper chuckles darkly to herself. It was always easy to see the ways you could have fought differently when it was too late.

She shakes herself and dashes to where she last saw Sugalite fall.

 

\----

 

_Jasper used to hate being in her gemstate, because it meant she had failed. Her failure was still acute, but at least the pain was over. Now, it was only the pain from her mind._

_She wonders what being shattered feels like, but she knows second hand. She can remember Lapis’ torment. How would it feel to have no way to return? How would it feel to be the dead?_

 

\----

 

Jasper slams her fist against the control room door. She can feel the ache, the burn in her gem as it tries to keep her together. She can’t even find words anymore, but she forces one out, barely.

“PERI!”

Ammonite, the fusion of Lapis and Pearl, angelic and beautiful and everything Malachite hadn’t been,  had fallen from the sky even as Jasper reached the three gems that had been the purple fusion minutes earlier. The screams as her wings were torn from her and her limbs yanked open were like the sound of a suffering songbird.

Now Jasper had them all clenched in her fist.

She’s missing an arm herself now. Her gem is scratched, but not cracked, though only barely, and she can feel the sting through her, making her shake. She had seconds… open open OPEN OPEN!

The blackness of the void opens before her and she tumbles in even as teeth threaten to finish her.

“CLOSE THE DOOR!”

 

\----

 

_They had be defeated. Jasper had barely made it back to the control centre, with it’s vast rooms and old technology and scared, helpless Peridot. She’d broken apart even as she fell into the space before her. Peridot’s scared eyes and Pearl’s stone, cracked, horrifyingly cracked, falling even as she tries to reach for it again with flickering fingers are the the last thing she remembers._

_Jasper waits for the end._

_Then when it doesn’t arrive, after minutes, and hours, Jasper just waits._

_What good was she, returning to a team that didn’t want her, a life that didn’t need her? Dead friends or alive, the world was doomed and she had brought that about. She couldn’t protect them._

_She feels defective._

_Time stretches forward, and the energies in her eb low. She wonders if she can stay here until the planet cracks around her, and she’s left floating in the reaches of space. Maybe she’d never be found._

_Tingling._

_Jasper shouldn’t be able to feel anything from the outside world like this, not unless it damaged her gem. Or healed it. She can feel her fires flickering hotly inside herself, the powers inside waking up._

_It was back, that eagerness, that instinct. She wanted to form, but she wanted to give up._

_A compromise is reached._

 

_\----_

 

A familiar room fills her vision as Jasper opens her eyes, the soft glow of the last of her projection settling into place on the edges of her view.

Her fingers brush over her gem, feeling wetness, then she looks down. Her uniform is black now, simply black, without symbol of allegiance, the cut putting the collar under her chin now, tight to her neck. Her arms remain free, though. It's all she deserves. She doesn't know what she even is, here.

“JASPER!”

The warrior stiffens as she feels the softness around her legs. Leaning over, she sees Steven clinging to her, tears in his eyes.

“We didn’t know why you were stuck inside your gem so long and it was weeks and then Pearl saw the scratch and I healed you and ..” he regurgitates the words in a heady stream, and Jasper rests a hand on him.

“Breathe.” she directs, and looks up. Pearl stares at her, her hands clutched to her chest, and a smile ghosts over her lips. A pillow rests on her lap, for reasons Jasper can’t even guess. Her eyes can’t leave those blue ones.

“Welcome back.” Pearl says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been taking so long in updates. I've really been dispirited with writing lately. I work so hard and get so little returns compared to fan art.
> 
> I tried something different with this chapter. I hope it works.
> 
> I hope I can more forward with my other fics too, and upload some of my [Tumblr only stuff here too](http://fluffkills.tumblr.com).
> 
> I'm also trying to do a fanfiction appreciation event in August, [Read about it here](http://stevenssummerreadinglist.tumblr.com)
> 
> I love you all.


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